Unveiling the Dark Side of Leadership: Examples and Warnings

 
Beware of the
“Dark Side” of Leadership
 
April 10, 2015
 
WHAT IS THE “DARK SIDE”?
 
What do you think?
 
 
 
“But, beware.
Anger, fear, aggression.
The dark side are they…”
~ Yoda
 
THE “DARK SIDE” OF LEADERSHIP
 
Examples
 
“Dark Side” Examples
 
Compulsive Students
Narcissistic Students
Paranoid Students
Codependent Students
Passive-aggressive Students
 
Compulsive Students
 
Constantly looking for reassurance and approval
Need to maintain absolute order, often following
highly regimented routines
Often see the organization as an extension and
reflection of themselves
Excessively moralistic and judgmental
Status conscious
Workaholic
 
Narcissistic Students
 
Driven to succeed by a need for admiration
and acclaim
Overinflated sense of importance
Great ambitions, grandiose fantasies
Difficulty with criticism, often responding in
anger
Dissatisfied with achievements
Self-absorbed
 
Paranoid Students
 
Suspicious, hostile, fearful, and jealous
Worried that someone will undermine their
leadership
Hypersensitive to actions of others, attaching
subjective meaning to motives
Create rigid structures for control
Take light-hearted jokes seriously
 
Co-Dependent Students
 
Peace-makers who cover up problems
Benevolent with a high tolerance for deviant
behavior
Willing to take on more work so they don’t
have to say “no”
React rather than act
Feel responsible for problems
 
Passive-Aggressive Students
 
Stubborn, forgetful, and intentionally
inefficient
Tends to complain, resist demands,
procrastinate and dawdle as a means of
controlling those around them
On occasion, exerts control by short outbursts
of sadness or anger
 
RECOGNIZING THE ROOTS OF THE
“DARK SIDE”
 
Understanding ourselves and others
 
Belonging
Having a place or a home to call one’s own
 
Messages sent when this need is met
“You have a special role to play here”
“You belong here”
“We’ve created a place for you”
 
Potential issues when this need is unmet
Feeling like an outsider, shy, isolated, insecure
Fearful in groups
Separation anxiety
Identity confusion
Relationship problems (no sense of belonging)
 
Belonging
Having a place or a home to call one’s own
 
Create a space that people can call their own
Be hospitable – acknowledge special dates, welcome
them, exchange contact info, meet with them
Build trust, be trustworthy
Share personal stories and allow others to share their
stories (according to level of comfort)
Be aware of needs, health issues, allergies
Be genuinely encouraging – calls, cards, recognition
Develop a desire to know people
Include others in your life
Call people by name
 
Nurturance
Comfort, care, love, affection, nourishment
 
Messages sent when this need is met
“We feel good about you and your work”
“We’ll make sure you have everything you need to be successful”
“We care about you as a person.”
“We’ll provide opportunities for you to grow and pursue your passions”
 
Potential issues when this need is unmet
Eating disorders (over or under eating)
Workaholism (not accepting nurturing)
Relationship problems about nurturing
Not able to receive physical attention
Not taking care of self (leading to burnout,
     depression, boredom)
 
Nurturance
Comfort, care, love, affection, nourishment
 
Be hospitable – eat meals together, bring treats
Physically be present to actively listen, and demonstrate genuine curiosity
and interest
Acknowledge effort
Give second chances
Connect with those who might feel lonely
Reach out through cards and words
See the good in others (choose how you look at someone)
Consider how others best receive nurturance (through words? Time
together? Acts of service?)
Give public positive feedback, so others know you appreciate their work
Provide resources needed
Discover needs through inquiry or surveys
Focus on strengths, draw out strengths
 
Support
Support in problem-solving and risk taking
 
Messages sent when this need is met
“We’re here for you”
“We’ll help you figure it out”
“We’ll back you up”
“We’ll encourage you”
“We’ll teach you what you need to know”
 
Potential issues when this need is unmet
Helplessness and dependency,
panic about new experiences,
problem solving difficulties,
overly and inappropriately independent
(
won’t ask for any help)
 
Support
Support in problem-solving and risk taking
 
Provide assignment clarity
Have regular check ins (1X1)
Provide team building exercises
Use written communication to show support
Create positive atmosphere using peers’ positive reinforcement
To create confidence, give them 90% of what they already know
how to do; push them another 10% out of their comfort zone
Act consistently
Communicate that you’ll be there during the journey
Do what you say you’re going to do
Listen carefully to what others (really) need
Don’t be judgmental – empathy/sympathy
Give of your time – office hours, after class
 
Protection
Safe environment
 
Messages sent when this need is met
“I’ll keep you from danger (or unknown pitfalls)”
“It’s okay to feel afraid”
“You’re safe to try new things”
“It’s okay to be yourself”
“I won’t leave you unprotected”
 
Potential issues when this need is unmet
Anxious, fearful, timid, skeptical,
Relationship problems about trust,
May become counter-phobic,
Takes very dangerous risks
 
Protection
Safe environment
 
Keep from danger
Provide safe place to be
Ask questions without interrogating
Be open/vulnerable about struggles
Respond without judgment
Refrain from gossiping
Listen actively
 
Structure
Clear boundaries; limits in time and behavior
 
Messages sent when this need is met
“This is the way I would like you to do this”
“I’ll set the rules and limits, so you will be free to focus on doing your
job”
"I'll support you in maintaining appropriate boundaries within our
organization and with others outside our organization."
Potential issues when this need is unmet
Obsessiveness and compulsiveness
Addictions
Lateness
Procrastination
Non-assertiveness
 
Structure
Clear boundaries; limits in time and behavior
 
Manage through expectations
Teach, correct, and train
Share expertise
Help establish good habits
Follow through on commitments
Don’t have unannounced expectations
Communicate (don’t expect others to read your
mind)
Model desired behaviors
Set balanced personal boundaries
 
Emotional Containment
Safety in emotional expression, support in focusing emotions
 
Messages sent when this need is met
“You can express emotions around me”
“I can interact with and contain your emotional energy”
“Your emotions aren’t too intense for me to respond to and help you
express safely”
 
Potential issues when this need is unmet
Unbounded physical expression of feelings
Numbness or repressed emotions (due to fear
     of expressing them or “not being in touch”)
 
Emotional Containment
Safety in emotional expression, support in focusing emotions
 
Remain calm and clear when someone else is
emotionally distressed
Show compassion
Listen actively and be in tune to others
Don’t be defensive or offended by emotions
Ask for time to process before responding
Don’t try to problem-solve, just listen
Identify emotions
Be a good listener
Validate others
 
Respect
Individual valued as separate
 
Messages sent when this need is met
“You are a unique individual with your own strengths”
“We respect your individuality”
“You can come and go as you need to and we will still be here”
“Eventually you will be leaving us for a new role”
 
Potential issues when this need is unmet
Lack of sense of individuated self,
difficulty leaving home,
relationship addiction (desire for inappropriately
close attachment to another person (difficulty
functioning autonomously)
 
Respect
Individual valued as separate
 
Allow for individuation and separation
Valuing thoughts, feelings and differences
Ask questions
Speak the truth – after drawing them out
Seek to understand their perspective
Seek to understand their experiences in the
context of their upbringing and life
Exhibit genuine curiosity
Embrace differences
Exhibit cultural competence
 
Bonding
Observe healthy, appropriate, positive relationships
 
Messages sent when this need is met
“We’re connected; you cannot separate us”
“My relationship with you is different than with other team members”
“We’ll show you how a good working relationship works”
“We will share information to help you be successful”
 
Potential issues when this need is unmet
Relationship problems (uncertainty about forming
     and maintaining one)
Trouble leaving home
 
Bonding
Observe healthy, appropriate, positive relationships
 
Act respectfully towards each other
Model healthy bonding
Maintain relationships over time
Create memories together
Share meals together
Reminisce together
Verbal expressions of recognition and
encouragement
 
 
 
“Fear is the path to the dark side.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering.”
 
~ Yoda
 
OVERCOMING THE “DARK SIDE”
 
In Summary: What can we do?
 
Overcoming the “Dark Side” in
Ourselves
 
1.
Acknowledge our own dark sides
2.
Examine the past
3.
Confront (and evaluate) expectations
Which ones propel us to achieve?
Which ones produce pain and failure?
4.
Practice progressive self knowledge
 
Helping Others to Overcome their
“Dark Side”
 
1.
Exhibit genuine curiosity, caring
2.
Coach others through the things we have
discussed
3.
Evaluate the expectations you place on them
4.
Provide “safe places” for growth and
overcoming behaviors
 
 
 
You I thank!
 
Kelly Flores, Ed.D.
Founding Dean, School of Applied Leadership
City University of Seattle
kflores@cityu.edu
 
Credits
 
McIntosh, G. L., & Rima, S. D. (2007). 
Overcoming
the dark side of leadership: How to become an
effective leader by confronting potential failures.
Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books.
Darth Vader Image:
http://elcartonmilenario.com/wordpress/wp-
content/uploads/2012/04/darth-vader.jpg
Yoda Image:
http://www.jedimasterhouse.com/2011/07/star-
wars-personagens-classicos.html
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Explore the detrimental aspects of leadership through examples of compulsive, narcissistic, paranoid, co-dependent, and passive-aggressive behaviors among students. The dark side of leadership involves characteristics like seeking constant approval, harboring grandiose fantasies, being suspicious and controlling, enabling problematic behavior, and exhibiting passive-aggressive tendencies. By understanding these traits, one can navigate away from destructive leadership patterns.

  • Leadership
  • Dark Side
  • Examples
  • Warning
  • Students

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  1. Beware of the Dark Side of Leadership April 10, 2015

  2. What do you think? WHAT IS THE DARK SIDE ?

  3. But, beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they ~ Yoda

  4. Examples THE DARK SIDE OF LEADERSHIP

  5. Dark Side Examples Compulsive Students Narcissistic Students Paranoid Students Codependent Students Passive-aggressive Students

  6. Compulsive Students Constantly looking for reassurance and approval Need to maintain absolute order, often following highly regimented routines Often see the organization as an extension and reflection of themselves Excessively moralistic and judgmental Status conscious Workaholic

  7. Narcissistic Students Driven to succeed by a need for admiration and acclaim Overinflated sense of importance Great ambitions, grandiose fantasies Difficulty with criticism, often responding in anger Dissatisfied with achievements Self-absorbed

  8. Paranoid Students Suspicious, hostile, fearful, and jealous Worried that someone will undermine their leadership Hypersensitive to actions of others, attaching subjective meaning to motives Create rigid structures for control Take light-hearted jokes seriously

  9. Co-Dependent Students Peace-makers who cover up problems Benevolent with a high tolerance for deviant behavior Willing to take on more work so they don t have to say no React rather than act Feel responsible for problems

  10. Passive-Aggressive Students Stubborn, forgetful, and intentionally inefficient Tends to complain, resist demands, procrastinate and dawdle as a means of controlling those around them On occasion, exerts control by short outbursts of sadness or anger

  11. Understanding ourselves and others RECOGNIZING THE ROOTS OF THE DARK SIDE

  12. Belonging Having a place or a home to call one s own Messages sent when this need is met You have a special role to play here You belong here We ve created a place for you Potential issues when this need is unmet Feeling like an outsider, shy, isolated, insecure Fearful in groups Separation anxiety Identity confusion Relationship problems (no sense of belonging)

  13. Belonging Having a place or a home to call one s own Create a space that people can call their own Be hospitable acknowledge special dates, welcome them, exchange contact info, meet with them Build trust, be trustworthy Share personal stories and allow others to share their stories (according to level of comfort) Be aware of needs, health issues, allergies Be genuinely encouraging calls, cards, recognition Develop a desire to know people Include others in your life Call people by name

  14. Nurturance Comfort, care, love, affection, nourishment Messages sent when this need is met We feel good about you and your work We ll make sure you have everything you need to be successful We care about you as a person. We ll provide opportunities for you to grow and pursue your passions Potential issues when this need is unmet Eating disorders (over or under eating) Workaholism (not accepting nurturing) Relationship problems about nurturing Not able to receive physical attention Not taking care of self (leading to burnout, depression, boredom)

  15. Nurturance Comfort, care, love, affection, nourishment Be hospitable eat meals together, bring treats Physically be present to actively listen, and demonstrate genuine curiosity and interest Acknowledge effort Give second chances Connect with those who might feel lonely Reach out through cards and words See the good in others (choose how you look at someone) Consider how others best receive nurturance (through words? Time together? Acts of service?) Give public positive feedback, so others know you appreciate their work Provide resources needed Discover needs through inquiry or surveys Focus on strengths, draw out strengths

  16. Support Support in problem-solving and risk taking Messages sent when this need is met We re here for you We ll help you figure it out We ll back you up We ll encourage you We ll teach you what you need to know Potential issues when this need is unmet Helplessness and dependency, panic about new experiences, problem solving difficulties, overly and inappropriately independent (won t ask for any help)

  17. Support Support in problem-solving and risk taking Provide assignment clarity Have regular check ins (1X1) Provide team building exercises Use written communication to show support Create positive atmosphere using peers positive reinforcement To create confidence, give them 90% of what they already know how to do; push them another 10% out of their comfort zone Act consistently Communicate that you ll be there during the journey Do what you say you re going to do Listen carefully to what others (really) need Don t be judgmental empathy/sympathy Give of your time office hours, after class

  18. Protection Safe environment Messages sent when this need is met I ll keep you from danger (or unknown pitfalls) It s okay to feel afraid You re safe to try new things It s okay to be yourself I won t leave you unprotected Potential issues when this need is unmet Anxious, fearful, timid, skeptical, Relationship problems about trust, May become counter-phobic, Takes very dangerous risks

  19. Protection Safe environment Keep from danger Provide safe place to be Ask questions without interrogating Be open/vulnerable about struggles Respond without judgment Refrain from gossiping Listen actively

  20. Structure Clear boundaries; limits in time and behavior Messages sent when this need is met This is the way I would like you to do this I ll set the rules and limits, so you will be free to focus on doing your job "I'll support you in maintaining appropriate boundaries within our organization and with others outside our organization." Potential issues when this need is unmet Obsessiveness and compulsiveness Addictions Lateness Procrastination Non-assertiveness

  21. Structure Clear boundaries; limits in time and behavior Manage through expectations Teach, correct, and train Share expertise Help establish good habits Follow through on commitments Don t have unannounced expectations Communicate (don t expect others to read your mind) Model desired behaviors Set balanced personal boundaries

  22. Emotional Containment Safety in emotional expression, support in focusing emotions Messages sent when this need is met You can express emotions around me I can interact with and contain your emotional energy Your emotions aren t too intense for me to respond to and help you express safely Potential issues when this need is unmet Unbounded physical expression of feelings Numbness or repressed emotions (due to fear of expressing them or not being in touch )

  23. Emotional Containment Safety in emotional expression, support in focusing emotions Remain calm and clear when someone else is emotionally distressed Show compassion Listen actively and be in tune to others Don t be defensive or offended by emotions Ask for time to process before responding Don t try to problem-solve, just listen Identify emotions Be a good listener Validate others

  24. Respect Individual valued as separate Messages sent when this need is met You are a unique individual with your own strengths We respect your individuality You can come and go as you need to and we will still be here Eventually you will be leaving us for a new role Potential issues when this need is unmet Lack of sense of individuated self, difficulty leaving home, relationship addiction (desire for inappropriately close attachment to another person (difficulty functioning autonomously)

  25. Respect Individual valued as separate Allow for individuation and separation Valuing thoughts, feelings and differences Ask questions Speak the truth after drawing them out Seek to understand their perspective Seek to understand their experiences in the context of their upbringing and life Exhibit genuine curiosity Embrace differences Exhibit cultural competence

  26. Bonding Observe healthy, appropriate, positive relationships Messages sent when this need is met We re connected; you cannot separate us My relationship with you is different than with other team members We ll show you how a good working relationship works We will share information to help you be successful Potential issues when this need is unmet Relationship problems (uncertainty about forming and maintaining one) Trouble leaving home

  27. Bonding Observe healthy, appropriate, positive relationships Act respectfully towards each other Model healthy bonding Maintain relationships over time Create memories together Share meals together Reminisce together Verbal expressions of recognition and encouragement

  28. Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. ~ Yoda

  29. In Summary: What can we do? OVERCOMING THE DARK SIDE

  30. Overcoming the Dark Side in Ourselves 1. Acknowledge our own dark sides 2. Examine the past 3. Confront (and evaluate) expectations Which ones propel us to achieve? Which ones produce pain and failure? 4. Practice progressive self knowledge

  31. Helping Others to Overcome their Dark Side 1. Exhibit genuine curiosity, caring 2. Coach others through the things we have discussed 3. Evaluate the expectations you place on them 4. Provide safe places for growth and overcoming behaviors

  32. You I thank! Kelly Flores, Ed.D. Founding Dean, School of Applied Leadership City University of Seattle kflores@cityu.edu

  33. Credits McIntosh, G. L., & Rima, S. D. (2007). Overcoming the dark side of leadership: How to become an effective leader by confronting potential failures. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books. Darth Vader Image: http://elcartonmilenario.com/wordpress/wp- content/uploads/2012/04/darth-vader.jpg Yoda Image: http://www.jedimasterhouse.com/2011/07/star- wars-personagens-classicos.html

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