Understanding Healthy Boundaries for Personal Freedom
Exploring the concept of boundaries in relationships and personal growth, Pastor Teresa Tong discusses the importance of establishing healthy boundaries to achieve freedom and well-being. Recognize signs of boundary problems and discover the benefits of maintaining strong and respectful boundaries in various aspects of life.
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Healthy Boundary Key to Freedom By Pastor Teresa Tong October 09, 2013
Healthy Boundary What is a Boundary??? ??? Boundary???
http://oxsite.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/boundary.jpghttp://oxsite.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/boundary.jpg http://www.timetemperature.com/tzmaps/ustz-boundary.gif http://architectureofleadership.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/SwimBoundary-m2.jpg http://s3.amazonaws.com/hsd.herokuapp.com/thumbnails/15/original/boundaries.wiki..jpg?1343144366
http://mimiandeunice.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/ME_165_BoundaryCrossing.pnghttp://mimiandeunice.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/ME_165_BoundaryCrossing.png http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MjR9zYqKltE/TaKoIZDucZI/AAAAAAAAABA/WXX_b-7mk98/s1600/boundary-signs.jpg
What is a Boundary?? A boundary is a property line where one person ends and someone else begins http://colettebaronreid.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/What-is-a-Porous-Boundary-and-Why-is-it-Making-Me-Overweight-.jpg
Boundary Problems Easily manipulated/ controlled Inability to say NO to hurtful people Experiencing life as a victim Inability to confront others to resolve conflicts productively
Boundary Problems Inability to hear NO from others Disorganized and cannot follow through Try to control others Addiction and compulsion Inability to delay gratification
Benefits of a Healthy Boundary Loving Responsible Free Initiating Respectful for Reality Growing http://oxsite.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/boundary.jpg
Roles of Parents Guardian (to provide them with a safe learning environment and to protect them from dangers) Manager (discipline them to meet goals) Source (too much entitlement/self-centred too tight no motivation for goals
3 Ways to Develop Boundary https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSO3Ok4Ytqr24aNx59tDhY5wCDxTjERqcXddqk01imXCvpgmaSsxQ Teaching Modeling Internalizing
Obstacles to Teach Boundary Kid s job = test our boundary Parents get worn down Parents are overly dependent on their kids for closeness Parents think love and separateness are enemies Parents think problem will go away Parents over-identify their pain
Sowing and Reaping True change comes when behaviours cause reality consequences (losing something he values) Give the child choices but he needs to take the consequence of his choice When consequence comes, the child (not parent) is responsible to solve it
Sowing and Reaping Formula Give the child freedom but make it painful for doing wrong No nagging, show no emotional reaction, don t agitate his emotion assuming the child has self-control Good praise/increase freedom Bad Empathize their loss Stick to the consequence (unless for valid reason)
Take His Own Baggage Need to solve their own issue It s hard ~= I can t Don t enjoy ~= I can t do it Be responsible for their own: Emotion (e.g. tantrum) Attitude (opinion towards people / issues) Behaviour (need to be responsible for their act)
Power? Power!! Power boundary Time and energy Consequence Failure Dependency Desire
Self-centredness http://www.libdemvoice.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Boundary-Some-rights-reserved-by-ank0ku.jpg Respect for others Accept NO from others Empathy Correction Consequence
Healthy Separateness http://girlempowered.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/sand.jpg Age-appropriate Space Time Friends Money Clothing
Motive Development Motive = do the right thing for the right reason Fear of Consequence Immature Conscience Values and Ethics Love God, Love Others
No Pain No Gain Hurt ~= Harm How to Evaluate Pain Don t let our child s pain control our actions Keep our pain separate from our child s pain Help child not to avoid pain but to make good use of it Ensure it isn t pain of need/injury
Be Thankful Entitlement = feel as if people owe him things or he is the centre of universe Opposite of entitlement gratitude thankful for what they have cherish for what they receive Limiting vs. Containing
Steps to Implement Boundary Realize there is a problem Have a group / partner for support / accountability Model boundaries to kids Evaluate and plan child our own issues plan
Steps to Implement Boundary Present the plan Follow through empathy correction consequence Pray God for wisdom
