Understanding Freedom, Forgiveness, and Relationships
Explore the journey of freedom, forgiveness, and relationships through topics like guilt, shame, grace, and pre-forgiveness. Discover activations, condemnations, and the concept of forgiving God in this insightful content.
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FREEDOM TRAINING FORGIVENESS & RELATIONSHIPS
Overview Guilt and shame Forgiveness Grace Pre-forgiveness Offense, bitterness, divisiveness, anger Relationships Boundaries
Activation Ask God what percentage of guilt you have over past actions Restoration Ask God to forgive you (if you have not already) Forgive yourself What percentage of guilt do you now feel? Ask God about any shame you have about who you are (in what way do you think you were made wrong? or are incomplete?) (would you use any of these words to describe yourself: bossy, lazy, fat, ugly, stupid, ) Restoration Ask God what lie you are believing about yourself Ask God for a truth about yourself (you may need to rehearse this truth often)
Condemnation Condemnation Guilt: a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes accurately or not that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a universal moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation. In guilt, the self is not the central object of negative evaluation, but rather the thing done is the focus. While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions Shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person (self-hate) Guilt: do you feel forgiven and restored? Forgive yourself for anything you have done that still bothers you Shame: ask God to reveal any ways you hate yourself ask God what the truth is about you
Grace and Forgiveness Grace: undeserved forgiveness and gifts For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus Romans 3:23-24 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Col 3:13
Forgiving God? For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Is 55:8-9 You cannot forgive God because He is perfect. If you have an issue with God it is your perspective that is wrong If you feel you need to forgive God, then you have probably attributed a situation to Him incorrectly
Forgiveness defined Unforgiveness is most harmful to the victim, it does nothing to the perpetrator Forgiveness is acknowledging someone owes you a debt or has done something grievous against you and giving it to God Forgiveness is giving that debt to God, saying they no longer owe you anything Forgiveness is not forgetting; you may still need to work through the healing process and pain of the situation Forgiveness may not make the pain go away but it is the first step in allowing God to heal us Forgiveness does not release a person from the legal consequences of their actions (you may still need to testify in court) Forgiveness is not reconciliation with a person or trust rebuilt
Forgiveness versus Reconciliation Forgiveness: not holding a judgement against someone You may have to forgive someone many times and for many situations You do not have to let the person know you are forgiving them Forgiveness may open the possibility for reconciliation Forgiveness does not necessarily lead to reconciliation Love yourself and others: do not purposefully put yourself in a situation that may cause you or your children to be abused
Forgive, to be forgiven And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matt 6:14-15
Forgiveness Parable: a servant owed the king ten thousand talents. He begs the king and is forgiven his debt. He goes to a fellow servant that owes him a hundred denarii; seizes and chokes him and then puts him in prison. This was reported to the king. The wicked servant is put into jail. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart. Matt 18:35 Forgiveness is done from the heart: emotions, will, and mind
Judgement or Mercy Judge not, that you be not judged.For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye? Matt 7:1-4 For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. James 2:13
Commanded to forgive Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matt 18:21-22 How long will it take you to forgive? 10 years, a week, 10 minutes, half a second ? Let s get the time shorter and shorter
Grace is pre-forgiveness For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus Romans 3:23-24 Jesus made a plan of grace before we were born and sinned Walking in a heart of grace and pre-forgiveness Who regularly offends you? Are you willing to have an attitude of pre-forgiveness towards them? How?
Unoffendable A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression. Prov 19:11 He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends. Prov 17:9 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a citadel. Prov 18:19 How often do you reveal other s sin or retell a story of what they did to you? Do you sound more like the accuser (satan) retelling the sins, or the intercessor (Jesus) blessing them before the Father?
Forgiveness prayer Let s take a minute and forgive and bless a couple people Father, I choose to forgive ___________________ because they wronged me or hurt me. Tell God about the situation and forgive the person for each part of it. Be as specific as you need to be. Father, I choose to bless ___________________ with Your love. That You would pour out all provision, health, finances, good relationships, and grace on them. That they would flourish in all ways.
Relationships Things that hinder relationships Fits of anger Dissention Bitterness Divisions
The flesh sins Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions,envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Gal 5:19-21
Division / Dissention Respect each other s roles and giftings For when one says, I follow Paul, and another, I follow Apollos, are you not being merely human? I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. For we are God's fellow workers. I Cor 3:4-9 For it has been reported to me by Chloe's people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, I follow Paul, or I follow Apollos, or I follow Cephas, or I follow Christ. I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius, I Cor 1:11-17 Which particular Church movements that you judge as inferior? Which certain ministers that you think do it the right way ?
Vengeance Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Rom12:17-21 Can you think of anyone in your life that you want to repay for what they did to you?
Bitterness Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Eph 4:31-32 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled Heb 12:15 Is there anyone that you tend to have bitterness towards?
Anger is short lived A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression. Prov 19:11 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Eph 4:26-27 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20 Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. Ecc 7:9 Are you quick or slow to anger? Ask God if there is a root (or childhood situation) to your quick anger
Relationships Healthy relationships
Reconciled All believers are reconciled to Christ and now part of one body For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. Romans 5:9-10 Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. I John 2:9- 11
Relationships with believers Going to someone can make it far easier to forgive them especially if they decide to apologize If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Matt 18:15-17 Have you ever done this? What happened? Who has sinned against you that you have not gone to?
Friend of sinners How do we interact with the world? The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners! Matt 11:19 Teacher [Jesus], we know that you are true and do not care about anyone's opinion. For you are not swayed by appearances, but truly teach the way of God. Mark 12:14 Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. Matt 7:1-6
Interaction with evil people You have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. Matt 5:38-42 Have you ever been insulted? Was your reaction to defend yourself or withdraw? Or did you let them take a second shot? Has anyone ever stolen/sued you; did you offer them more? Have you ever been forced to work; did you do it heartily as unto God?
Guardrails with unbelievers Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God II Cor 6:14-16 Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals. Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning I Cor 15:33-34 In what areas of your life are you yoked to someone? Are there people that draw you into sin when you are with them?
Jesus was not a doormat Jesus did not let anyone get in the way of His calling and purpose of God Jesus loved Peter but Jesus rebuked Peter. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you. But he turned and said to Peter, Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man. Matt 16:22-23 And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. Matt 21:12 To the Pharisees: You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell? Matt 23:33 Have you ever passionately confronted evil in the world? Or stood up for a belief that was not popular? Are you a master of a loving rebuke? Has anyone ever said something contrary to your calling in life, did you defend your calling?
Activation Is there anybody you feel edgy around? (Don't like them, feel anything in your heart against them, etc.) siblings, parents, coworkers Do you have anything against anybody? In other words, is there anybody that you have a hard time demonstrating the love of Christ to? Has anybody wronged you that you haven't forgiven from your heart (thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.)? Do you find it easy to hate people? If so, over what kinds of things would a person have to do to make you hate them? Do you make a habit of blaming yourself for everything? Do you obsess over your mistakes and feel unusually guilty for them? Do you deeply regret things that you've done in your past? Could you kick yourself over something you've done in your past? If so, explain.
Homework Forgive people to begin the healing process. Take anything before Jesus point-by- point and see/hear what He says and let Him do the healing. Rejection and Shame Were your parents married when you were conceived? Were you the right sex? Did your parents not want you, or want you to be different (gender, etc.) in any way? If so, explain. Did you feel rejected as a child? As an adult? If so, by whom? (family, peers, classmates, friends, church, giftings, ) Do you reject yourself (self-rejection)? (your intellect, body, relationships, or performance) How do you respond to rejection right now? Do you strive to feel accepted? By whom do you want to feel accepted? Abuse Did you face abuse? What kind (emotional, physical, sexual, neglect, etc.) and by whom? Have you ever been put down, belittled, or made fun of? If so, by whom? Explain.
