Three States of Mind for Better Communication
Emotional
Validation
January, 2019 and June, 2019 (make up)
Starting at the
beginning
…
.
What are three states of
mind?
•
That we all have
•
That we can observe in ourselves and others
•
That help us understand how we are reacting
to and relating to others
•
That will make us better able to communicate
in validating ways
•
Reasonable Mind
Plans and evaluates logically;
Is planful in actions; thinks things through;
Is easier to maintain when you are feeling
good.
•
•
Emotion Mind
Thinking and behavior are controlled
primarily by emotions;
Logical thinking is difficult;
Facts may be distorted to fit with the affect.
•
Wise Mind
Emotions cannot be controlled by intellect or
vice versa
•
–they need to be integrated;
•
Intuitive – something that “feels right”, that
“feels” like the truth;
•
Being able to see the whole picture very clearly;
•
When you can feel at peace with a decision – feel
“centered”.
Adolescents and Young
Adults
•
Are driven by what they feel they need in
Emotion Mind
•
Might “mask” their emotions or otherwise
appear competent in reasonable mind
•
Think about the most effective way to
handle a situation in Wise Mind
Adults who deal with
them
…
•
React
in Emotion Mind
•
Lecture or give explanations
in Reasonable
Mind
•
Respond
in Wise Mind
(hint: Wise Mind responses have the best
outcomes
…
..)
The language we use is important in determining how we perceive
people and their behaviors and how we feel about them
.
•
The words we use impact:
•
The tone of our work;
Our feelings about and responses to clients;
Parents feelings about and responses to his/her
child.
•
•
Changing language helps to change attitudes and
feelings.
•
Judgmental language makes us angry, frustrated
disappointed
When you are less judgmental, you will feel calmer
and more accepting
Non-judgmental
language
…
•
Describes in detail – does not label.
•
Describes the behavior or situation in front of
you so that someone else can see it the same way
you do
•
You can only describe what you can observe.
•
No one has ever observed:
•
• Other’s intentions • Other’s thoughts • Other’s
feelings• Causes • Reasons • Meanings
But, non-judgmental
language does
…
•
Look at the consequence of the behavior. For
example:
•
“When you act that way, I feel sad.”
•
“If you behave that way, you may be suspended.”
•
“If you do not change your behavior, you may not
get what you want or meet your goals.”
•
Allow for preferences and opinions
Non-judgmental
language does not
…
•
assume the intent of the behavior
•
assume that the intent of behavior is to impact
someone else in a negative way
•
Regardless of how the observer FEELS because
of the behavior, assumptions cannot be made
about the INTENTION of the behavior.
•
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUno4r4i3
MQ
• Validation is a
communication of
empathy and
acceptance.
Validation means letting someone know
that you:
•
Are listening;
•
Understand how he/she feels;
•
Are taking him/her seriously;
•
Are understanding his/her behavior within the
context of his/her life circumstances;
•
Accept him/her.
•
That you have found what genuine and valid
(the “kernel of truth) in
Validation does
NOT mean that
you agree or
that you like
what the
person is
doing, feeling
or saying.
•
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-
KXJobu6TG8&t=207s
Validation serves to de-escalate
emotional situations
There are six levels
to validating others
Mindful Engagement
•
Active listening
•
Good eye contact
•
Being present and in the moment
•
Showing interest
•
Asking appropriate questions
Accurate reflection
•
Paraphrase without adding your own spin on
what the person has told you
•
Reflect back to the person what you have
•
heard
Reading cues
•
“You look upset/stressed/sad/unhappy. Is
something bothering you?”
•
What other cues might you ask about?
Historical perspective
•
Drawing on what you already know about the
person’s life and concerns, you can lend
perspective to help the person connect the
dots. You are NOT analyzing the person. You
are making a suggestion:
•
“Didn’t you feel really disappointed the last
time you couldn’t go home?”
Assuring reasonableness
•
Letting the person know that having feelings
about this event is normal and reasonable:
others have felt very badly about this too, in
fact,” I would be angry if someone said that to
me.”
Radical genuineness
•
What is "radical genuineness"? It is treating
someone as a real person with real feelings
instead of as someone who has a mental illness
or is always out of control and is incapable of
solving his/her own problems.
ROLE PLAY
•
Student comes in late to class for fifth time in
past two weeks.
•
Teacher example #1
•
Teacher example #2
Explore the concept of Reasonable Mind, Emotion Mind, and Wise Mind to gain insights into how our reactions and emotions influence our communication. Discover how adolescents, young adults, and adults interact based on these states of mind, and learn about the importance of language in shaping perceptions and feelings.
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Presentation Transcript
Emotional Validation January, 2019 and June, 2019 (make up)
Starting at the beginning .
What are three states of mind? That we all have That we can observe in ourselves and others That help us understand how we are reacting to and relating to others That will make us better able to communicate in validating ways
Reasonable Mind Plans and evaluates logically; Is planful in actions; thinks things through; Is easier to maintain when you are feeling good. Emotion Mind Thinking and behavior are controlled primarily by emotions; Logical thinking is difficult; Facts may be distorted to fit with the affect.
Wise Mind Emotions cannot be controlled by intellect or vice versa they need to be integrated; Intuitive something that feels right , that feels like the truth; Being able to see the whole picture very clearly; When you can feel at peace with a decision feel centered .
Adolescents and Young Adults Are driven by what they feel they need in Emotion Mind Might mask their emotions or otherwise appear competent in reasonable mind Think about the most effective way to handle a situation in Wise Mind
Adults who deal with them React in Emotion Mind Lecture or give explanations in Reasonable Mind Respond in Wise Mind (hint: Wise Mind responses have the best outcomes ..)
The language we use is important in determining how we perceive people and their behaviors and how we feel about them. The words we use impact: The tone of our work; Our feelings about and responses to clients; Parents feelings about and responses to his/her child. Changing language helps to change attitudes and feelings. Judgmental language makes us angry, frustrated disappointed When you are less judgmental, you will feel calmer and more accepting
Non-judgmental language Describes in detail does not label. Describes the behavior or situation in front of you so that someone else can see it the same way you do You can only describe what you can observe. No one has ever observed: Other s intentions Other s thoughts Other s feelings Causes Reasons Meanings
But, non-judgmental language does Look at the consequence of the behavior. For example: When you act that way, I feel sad. If you behave that way, you may be suspended. If you do not change your behavior, you may not get what you want or meet your goals. Allow for preferences and opinions
Non-judgmental language does not assume the intent of the behavior assume that the intent of behavior is to impact someone else in a negative way Regardless of how the observer FEELS because of the behavior, assumptions cannot be made about the INTENTION of the behavior.
Validation is a communication of empathy and acceptance.
Validation means letting someone know that you: Are listening; Understand how he/she feels; Are taking him/her seriously; Are understanding his/her behavior within the context of his/her life circumstances; Accept him/her. That you have found what genuine and valid (the kernel of truth) in
Validation does NOT mean that you agree or that you like what the person is doing, feeling or saying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=- KXJobu6TG8&t=207s
Validation serves to de-escalate emotional situations
There are six levels to validating others
Mindful Engagement Active listening Good eye contact Being present and in the moment Showing interest Asking appropriate questions
Accurate reflection Paraphrase without adding your own spin on what the person has told you Reflect back to the person what you have heard
Reading cues You look upset/stressed/sad/unhappy. Is something bothering you? What other cues might you ask about?
Historical perspective Drawing on what you already know about the person s life and concerns, you can lend perspective to help the person connect the dots. You are NOT analyzing the person. You are making a suggestion: Didn t you feel really disappointed the last time you couldn t go home?
Assuring reasonableness Letting the person know that having feelings about this event is normal and reasonable: others have felt very badly about this too, in fact, I would be angry if someone said that to me.
Radical genuineness What is "radical genuineness"? It is treating someone as a real person with real feelings instead of as someone who has a mental illness or is always out of control and is incapable of solving his/her own problems.
ROLE PLAY Student comes in late to class for fifth time in past two weeks. Teacher example #1 Teacher example #2
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