Healthy Boundaries for Personal Freedom

 
 
 
 
 
Healthy Boundary
 
What is a Boundary???
 
    
??? Boundary???
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
What is a Boundary??
 
A boundary is a property line
where one person 
ends
and someone else 
begins
 
 
 
Boundary Problems
 
Easily manipulated/ controlled
Inability to say 
NO
 to
hurtful people
Experiencing life as a victim
 
Inability to confront others
to resolve conflicts productively
 
 
 
Boundary Problems
 
Inability to hear 
NO
 from others
Disorganized and cannot
follow through
Try to control others
 
Addiction and compulsion
Inability to delay gratification
 
 
 
Benefits of a Healthy Boundary
 
Loving
Responsible
Free
Initiating
Respectful for Reality
Growing
 
 
 
Roles of Parents
 
Guardian
(to provide them with a safe
 learning environment and to
 protect them from dangers)
Manager
(discipline them to meet goals)
Source
(too much
 entitlement/self-centred
 too tight
 no motivation for goals
 
 
 
3 Ways to Develop Boundary
 
Teaching
Modeling
Internalizing
 
 
 
 
Obstacles to Teach Boundary
 
Kid’s job = test our boundary
Parents get worn down
Parents are overly dependent
on their kids for closeness
Parents think love and
separateness are enemies
Parents think problem will go away
Parents over-identify their pain
 
 
 
Sowing and Reaping
 
True change comes when behaviours
cause reality consequences
(losing something he values)
Give the child choices but
he needs to take the
consequence of his choice
When consequence comes, the child
(not parent) 
is responsible to solve it
 
 
 
Sowing and Reaping Formula
 
Give the child freedom but make
it painful for doing wrong
No nagging, show no emotional
reaction, don’t agitate his
emotion 
 
assuming the child
has self-control
Good 
 
praise/increase freedom
Bad  
 
Empathize their loss
      
 
Stick to the consequence
         (unless for valid reason)
 
 
 
Take His Own Baggage
 
Need to solve their own issue
It’s hard ~= I can’t
Don’t enjoy ~= I can’t do it
Be responsible for their own:
 Emotion (e.g. tantrum)
 Attitude (opinion towards
       people / issues)
 Behaviour (need to be
       responsible for their act)
 
 
 
Power? Power!!
 
Power boundary
 Time and energy
 Consequence
 Failure
 Dependency
 Desire
 
 
 
Self-centredness
 
Respect for others
Accept 
NO
 from others
Empathy
     
 Correction
            
 Consequence
 
 
 
Healthy Separateness
 
Age-appropriate
Space
Time
Friends
Money
Clothing
 
 
 
Motive Development
 
Motive = do the right thing
        for the right reason
Fear of Consequence
Immature Conscience
Values and Ethics
Love God, Love Others
 
 
 
No Pain No Gain
 
Hurt ~= Harm
How to Evaluate Pain
 Don’t let our child’s pain
    control our actions
 Keep our pain separate
    from our child’s pain
 Help child not to avoid
    pain but to make good use of it
 Ensure it isn’t pain of need/injury
 
 
 
Be Thankful
 
Entitlement = feel as if
    people owe him things or
    he is the centre of universe
Opposite of entitlement
    
 gratitude
    
 thankful for what they have
    
 cherish for what they receive
Limiting vs. Containing
 
 
 
Steps to Implement Boundary
 
Realize there is a problem
Have a group / partner for
 
  
support / accountability
Model boundaries to kids
Evaluate and plan
    
 child
    
 our own issues
    
 plan
 
 
 
Steps to Implement Boundary
 
Present the plan
Follow through
    
 empathy
    
 correction
    
 consequence
Pray God for wisdom
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Exploring the concept of boundaries in relationships and personal growth, Pastor Teresa Tong discusses the importance of establishing healthy boundaries to achieve freedom and well-being. Recognize signs of boundary problems and discover the benefits of maintaining strong and respectful boundaries in various aspects of life.

  • Healthy boundaries
  • Freedom
  • Personal growth
  • Relationships
  • Self-care

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  1. Healthy Boundary Key to Freedom By Pastor Teresa Tong October 09, 2013

  2. Healthy Boundary What is a Boundary??? ??? Boundary???

  3. http://oxsite.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/boundary.jpghttp://oxsite.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/boundary.jpg http://www.timetemperature.com/tzmaps/ustz-boundary.gif http://architectureofleadership.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/SwimBoundary-m2.jpg http://s3.amazonaws.com/hsd.herokuapp.com/thumbnails/15/original/boundaries.wiki..jpg?1343144366

  4. http://mimiandeunice.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/ME_165_BoundaryCrossing.pnghttp://mimiandeunice.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/ME_165_BoundaryCrossing.png http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MjR9zYqKltE/TaKoIZDucZI/AAAAAAAAABA/WXX_b-7mk98/s1600/boundary-signs.jpg

  5. What is a Boundary?? A boundary is a property line where one person ends and someone else begins http://colettebaronreid.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/What-is-a-Porous-Boundary-and-Why-is-it-Making-Me-Overweight-.jpg

  6. Boundary Problems Easily manipulated/ controlled Inability to say NO to hurtful people Experiencing life as a victim Inability to confront others to resolve conflicts productively

  7. Boundary Problems Inability to hear NO from others Disorganized and cannot follow through Try to control others Addiction and compulsion Inability to delay gratification

  8. Benefits of a Healthy Boundary Loving Responsible Free Initiating Respectful for Reality Growing http://oxsite.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/boundary.jpg

  9. Roles of Parents Guardian (to provide them with a safe learning environment and to protect them from dangers) Manager (discipline them to meet goals) Source (too much entitlement/self-centred too tight no motivation for goals

  10. 3 Ways to Develop Boundary https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSO3Ok4Ytqr24aNx59tDhY5wCDxTjERqcXddqk01imXCvpgmaSsxQ Teaching Modeling Internalizing

  11. Obstacles to Teach Boundary Kid s job = test our boundary Parents get worn down Parents are overly dependent on their kids for closeness Parents think love and separateness are enemies Parents think problem will go away Parents over-identify their pain

  12. Sowing and Reaping True change comes when behaviours cause reality consequences (losing something he values) Give the child choices but he needs to take the consequence of his choice When consequence comes, the child (not parent) is responsible to solve it

  13. Sowing and Reaping Formula Give the child freedom but make it painful for doing wrong No nagging, show no emotional reaction, don t agitate his emotion assuming the child has self-control Good praise/increase freedom Bad Empathize their loss Stick to the consequence (unless for valid reason)

  14. Take His Own Baggage Need to solve their own issue It s hard ~= I can t Don t enjoy ~= I can t do it Be responsible for their own: Emotion (e.g. tantrum) Attitude (opinion towards people / issues) Behaviour (need to be responsible for their act)

  15. Power? Power!! Power boundary Time and energy Consequence Failure Dependency Desire

  16. Self-centredness http://www.libdemvoice.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Boundary-Some-rights-reserved-by-ank0ku.jpg Respect for others Accept NO from others Empathy Correction Consequence

  17. Healthy Separateness http://girlempowered.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/sand.jpg Age-appropriate Space Time Friends Money Clothing

  18. Motive Development Motive = do the right thing for the right reason Fear of Consequence Immature Conscience Values and Ethics Love God, Love Others

  19. No Pain No Gain Hurt ~= Harm How to Evaluate Pain Don t let our child s pain control our actions Keep our pain separate from our child s pain Help child not to avoid pain but to make good use of it Ensure it isn t pain of need/injury

  20. Be Thankful Entitlement = feel as if people owe him things or he is the centre of universe Opposite of entitlement gratitude thankful for what they have cherish for what they receive Limiting vs. Containing

  21. Steps to Implement Boundary Realize there is a problem Have a group / partner for support / accountability Model boundaries to kids Evaluate and plan child our own issues plan

  22. Steps to Implement Boundary Present the plan Follow through empathy correction consequence Pray God for wisdom

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