Understanding Conflict Debt in Organizations and Teams
Conflict is a natural part of organizational dynamics, but unresolved conflicts can accumulate as "conflict debt," causing negative impacts on productivity, trust, and stress levels. Avoiding or handling conflicts superficially can lead to unresolved issues, ultimately costing teams at various levels - team, individual, and organizational. Recognizing and addressing conflict debt is crucial for fostering healthy team dynamics and organizational effectiveness.
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CONNECTING CONNECTING THROUGH THROUGH CONFLICT CONFLICT
ORGANIZATIONS REQUIRE ORGANIZATIONS REQUIRE CONFLICT CONFLICT Conflict is the struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal Demands. Merriam-Webster Organizations require conflict to operate Common conflicts include: What are the most important conflicts stakeholders are counting on us to work through? Making a trade-off between two priorities Identifying a gap or a risk in a plan Giving someone feedback that they don t want to hear
HUMANS AVOID HUMANS AVOID CONFLICT CONFLICT We tend to dislike conflict, especially in our in-groups What are your conflict narratives? Where do they come from? Are they still valid? We are biologically wired to get along with those in our group We are raised to be polite Mind your own business! If you can t say anything nice, don t say anything at all! NOW Look what you ve done! Be good and stay out of trouble! The culture and norms of organizations often discourage overt conflict The result is that we often avoid conflicts or drive them underground
ORGANIZATIONS REQUIRE CONFLICT. HUMANS RUN FROM IT. THE RESULT IS CONFLICT DEBT.
CONFLICT CONFLICT DEBT DEBT Conflict debt is the build up of issues that should have been addressed but instead go undiscussed and unresolved What are your team s biggest conflict debts? How are they impacting productivity? trust? stress? There are multiple ways to get into conflict debt: You can avoid the issue altogether, taking it off the agenda You can discuss an issue, but avoid the opposition by talking only with like-minded people You can discuss an issue, with the right people, but avoid the friction by keeping the discussion superficial and safe
CONFLICT DEBT CONFLICT DEBT IS COSTLY AT MULTIPLE LEVELS: For the Team Examples include ignoring people with insufficient skills, tolerating bad behavior For the Person Examples include shouldering an unmanageable workload, accepting a lack of development, allowing unfavorable treatment For the Organization Examples include failure to prioritize, working in siloes, avoiding review and feedback
INTEREST ON INTEREST ON CONFLICT CONFLICT DEBT DEBT Conflict debt is costly and the interest on it can be debilitating We pay interest on conflict debt when the original issue has additional impacts on people Failing to prioritize leads to increased workload and burnout Side-stepping uncomfortable topics causes inefficient workarounds Avoiding an inter-personal issues leads to stress and sleepless nights The original conflict debt compounds as the business issues impact engagement and trust
LISTENING LISTENINGNEUTRALIZES CONFLICT NEUTRALIZES CONFLICT The biggest gap in having productive conflict is our poor ability to listen Teach your clients Level III Listening Level I: Level I: Listening with their ears, eyes, and heart What % of the time are team members listening with their ears, eyes, & heart? Level II: Listening to facts, feelings, and values Level III: Pausing the voice in their heads as it judges, protects, or identifies Level II: What % of the meaning (facts, feeling, info) are people picking up Better listening has the power to neutralize the vast majority of conflicts Level III: What % of the time are team members listening to an inner monologue?
LEVEL III LEVEL III LISTENING LISTENING
A AVOID VOID IN INVALIDAT VALIDATING ING We tend to contradict or disagree when someone says something we don t like That immediately flags it as an argument You invalidate others by Giving your opinion without addressing the person s point Becoming increasingly polarized as the back and forth progresses Turning your body or eyes away from the person you disagree with Instead, start by validating the other person How are people invalidating one another? What could you do if you notice someone invalidating others?
VALIDATION VALIDATION Validating means giving credence to the issue and the person It does not mean that you agree with what they re saying You validate others by Say something to make the person feel heard and understood Ask a question to get at the underlying issues and concerns Paraphrase their perspective. Speak their truth Add your perspective, issues, and concerns How could you make it feel like the team is problem solving, rather than arguing?
TWO TWO TRUTHS TRUTHS SITUATION: Someone makes a statement you disagree with BAD IMPULSE: Jump straight to why they re wrong REALIZATION: They don t have to be wrong for you to be right TECHNIQUE: Validate their perspective, add your truth, solve for both being true WHY IT WORKS: Engages problem solving mode, which is collaborative, not combative Where are you solving two different problems? How could you solve for two truths?
COMMON CRITERIA COMMON CRITERIA SITUATION: You re in a battle trying to make a contentious decision BAD IMPULSE: To push hard for your own solution REALIZATION: If people s feel heard & valued, they behave more logically TECHNIQUE: Solicit criteria, Collect options. Evaluate each option on all criteria WHY IT WORKS: People relax when they see that their perspectives (and especially their values) will count in making the decision Which criteria are most important to your team members?
CONFLICT AND TENSIONS ARE NOT THE ANTITHESIS OF CROSS-FUNCTIONAL TEAMS, THEY RE ONE OF THE MAIN BENEFITS OF THEM.
NORMALIZE NORMALIZE TENSION TENSION Tensions are a natural part of cross-functional teams Healthy tensions are often misinterpreted as interpersonal friction Articulate the unique value each role on the team provides and how that perspective can and should be in tension with other roles on the team Discuss how you will make those trade-offs to optimize your plans Communicate with each other about how you re experiencing the tensions and how you can create a better balance
A NEW A NEW METAPHOR METAPHOR
NORMALIZE NORMALIZE TENSION TENSION THE TARP THE TARP For each role on the team, answer: What is the unique value of the role? Who are the stakeholders the role is most focused on? What is the tension the role puts on discussions? Complete the exercise for every role on the team Discuss the role of the team leader in keeping the tarp centered How do we maximize tension (issue-based disagreements) and minimize friction (personal or style-based issues)?
DONT DON T FEAR FEAR EMOTIONAL REACTIONS EMOTIONAL REACTIONS Many people avoid conflict for fear of triggering an emotional reaction Think of emotions as another dataset you can use to diagnose the root issue Think of emotions like pain. They can be important symptoms of an underlying injury, but sometimes they aren t very diagnostic Say, this is important, what do I need to understand? The injury will be at the level of the person s values. Find what value has been violated and you ll find your path through the conflict Facts don t solve fights. You need the emotional data and the values insight to resolve a conflict What might be beneath their emotional reaction? How could you determine what value is being violated?
EMOTIONS ARE LIKE PAIN. IF YOU SEE EMOTIONS, LOOK FOR THE VALUES. VALUES ARE THE SITE OF THE INJURY AND THE KEY TO THE REMEDY.
COACH YOUR TEAM TO BETTER COACH YOUR TEAM TO BETTER CONFLICT CONFLICT Who are you fighting for? Help your team understand their conflict obligations. What stories are you telling yourself? Unpack your conflict baggage. What clues are you getting? Reinforce Level III listening with your team. What is their truth? Use the Tarp to solve conflicts as allies. What if things go sideways? Work through emotions. Facts don t solve fights. What are you committing to? Confirm your actions. Help the team stick the landing.
QUESTIONS? QUESTIONS? On LinkedIn: Liane Davey
