The Jane Schaeffer Model for Writing: Concrete Detail vs. Commentary
Concrete Detail vs. Commentary
Jane Schaeffer Model
Facts About Facts (Concrete Details,
CD)
•
They must be facts – provable through
observation, if not general information.
•
You must state them STRONGLY; if you are
prefacing it with “maybe” or “perhaps” or
“could,” then it is not specific or concrete
enough.
•
Think: “For example…”
Commentary (CM)
•
It is your opinion, interpretation, insight, analysis,
personal response, feelings (your own in a
personal paper, a character’s feelings in a
literature paper), evaluation, explication, and
reflection about a concrete detail in an essay.
•
It echoes the focus of your thesis and topic
sentences.
•
It should always strengthen and extend the
concrete detail – explaining what you mean,
reinforcing the truth of the fact, showing how or
why it is important and not straying off of the
main thought.
CM Continued
•
You
must
have more commentary than you
have fact. Remember, the smallest
ratio
is
1:2, which is also a
chunk
(1 part/sentence CD
to 2 parts/sentences CM).
•
State it strongly,
as if it were un-debatable
.
No “maybe” or “perhaps” or “possibly” etc.
•
No “I think” – we already know that; you’re
the one writing the essay.
•
Think: “This shows that…”
What does CM look like?
This paragraph has a topic sentence, three sentences of
CD, and a concluding sentence. The only CM is
underlined.
Driving in the fog of San Francisco was a
frightening
experience. For example, no signs were visible from
the freeway, so I couldn’t see if there were any gas
stations nearby to fill my near-empty tank. In addition,
it was 12:00 noon, and the fog was so thick that I
couldn’t read the exit signs until I started passing them.
Furthermore, a police car suddenly appeared ahead
and drove at forty miles per hour for the next thirty
minutes, and none of us was allowed to pass him.
When I finally reached Sacramento that day, a
great
sense of relief
permeated my body and mind.
This sample has CM inserted in the paragraph. Which
sentences are CM or contain CM?
Watching a high school football game outside in winter is insane. For
example, the cold temperatures make steam rise from the football
players who have gotten hot playing the game. All you have to do to
realize the extent of the freezing temperatures is watch the steam rising
from their heads when they take off their helmets on the sidelines.
When they get set on the line of scrimmage, they make it look like a fire
was just put out on the field. In addition, everyone who comes to the
game is bundled up so that they can keep warm throughout the game.
Although this is the goal, it rarely works. The cold has a way of seeping
in and settling into your bones, despite the amount of clothing and
blankets you are wrapped in. Furthermore, when there are lots of
people out for a game, lines start to form everywhere. If you want a
warm hot dog or cup of coffee, it is ages before it is your turn to get your
food. By the time you get back to your seat, everything is cold and
therefore, lost most of its purpose. In winter, I prefer to watch the
games on TV and laugh at the crazy people sitting in the stands.
This sample has CM inserted in the paragraph. The
underlined
sentences are CM or contain CM.
Watching a high school football game outside in winter is
insane
.
For example, the cold temperatures make steam rise from the
football players who have gotten hot playing the game.
All you
have to do to realize the extent of the freezing temperatures is
watch the steam rising from their heads when they take off their
helmets on the sidelines. When they get set on the line of
scrimmage, they make it look like a fire was just put out on the
field
. In addition, everyone who comes to the game is bundled up
so that they can keep warm throughout the game.
Although this is
the goal, it rarely works. The cold has a way of seeping in and
settling into your bones, despite the amount of clothing and
blankets you are wrapped in
. Furthermore, when there are lots of
people out for a game, lines start to form everywhere.
If you want
a warm hot dog or cup of coffee, it is ages before it is your turn to
get your food. By the time you get back to your seat, everything is
cold and therefore, lost most of its purpose
. In winter, I prefer to
watch the games on TV and laugh at the
crazy
people sitting in the
stands.
Discover CDs and CM
•
CD – Juliet has a white
dress and wings. Romeo
is wearing armor. The
two are at a party.
•
CM – This scene is a
cliché. Juliet’s wings
suggest Romeo sees her
as an angel. Romeo’s
armor creates a literal
image of a knight in
shining armor who has
come to save Juliet from
Paris and her obtrusive
family.
Discover CD and CM
Discover CD and CM
Discover CD and CM
Discover CD and CM
Discover CD and CM
Learn about the importance of concrete details and commentary in writing according to the Jane Schaeffer Model. Concrete details must be strong, provable facts, while commentary should provide analysis, interpretation, and personal insights that enhance the understanding of the facts. The model emphasizes maintaining a ratio of 1:2 between concrete details and commentary to effectively support the main thesis and topic sentences.
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Presentation Transcript
Concrete Detail vs. Commentary Jane Schaeffer Model
Facts About Facts (Concrete Details, CD) They must be facts provable through observation, if not general information. You must state them STRONGLY; if you are prefacing it with maybe or perhaps or could, then it is not specific or concrete enough. Think: For example
Commentary (CM) It is your opinion, interpretation, insight, analysis, personal response, feelings (your own in a personal paper, a character s feelings in a literature paper), evaluation, explication, and reflection about a concrete detail in an essay. It echoes the focus of your thesis and topic sentences. It should always strengthen and extend the concrete detail explaining what you mean, reinforcing the truth of the fact, showing how or why it is important and not straying off of the main thought.
CM Continued You must have more commentary than you have fact. Remember, the smallest ratio is 1:2, which is also a chunk (1 part/sentence CD to 2 parts/sentences CM). State it strongly, as if it were un-debatable. No maybe or perhaps or possibly etc. No I think we already know that; you re the one writing the essay. Think: This shows that
What does CM look like? This paragraph has a topic sentence, three sentences of CD, and a concluding sentence. The only CM is underlined. Driving in the fog of San Francisco was a frightening experience. For example, no signs were visible from the freeway, so I couldn t see if there were any gas stations nearby to fill my near-empty tank. In addition, it was 12:00 noon, and the fog was so thick that I couldn t read the exit signs until I started passing them. Furthermore, a police car suddenly appeared ahead and drove at forty miles per hour for the next thirty minutes, and none of us was allowed to pass him. When I finally reached Sacramento that day, a great sense of relief permeated my body and mind.
This sample has CM inserted in the paragraph. Which sentences are CM or contain CM? Watching a high school football game outside in winter is insane. For example, the cold temperatures make steam rise from the football players who have gotten hot playing the game. All you have to do to realize the extent of the freezing temperatures is watch the steam rising from their heads when they take off their helmets on the sidelines. When they get set on the line of scrimmage, they make it look like a fire was just put out on the field. In addition, everyone who comes to the game is bundled up so that they can keep warm throughout the game. Although this is the goal, it rarely works. The cold has a way of seeping in and settling into your bones, despite the amount of clothing and blankets you are wrapped in. Furthermore, when there are lots of people out for a game, lines start to form everywhere. If you want a warm hot dog or cup of coffee, it is ages before it is your turn to get your food. By the time you get back to your seat, everything is cold and therefore, lost most of its purpose. In winter, I prefer to watch the games on TV and laugh at the crazy people sitting in the stands.
This sample has CM inserted in the paragraph. The underlined sentences are CM or contain CM. Watching a high school football game outside in winter is insane. For example, the cold temperatures make steam rise from the football players who have gotten hot playing the game. All you have to do to realize the extent of the freezing temperatures is watch the steam rising from their heads when they take off their helmets on the sidelines. When they get set on the line of scrimmage, they make it look like a fire was just put out on the field. In addition, everyone who comes to the game is bundled up so that they can keep warm throughout the game. Although this is the goal, it rarely works. The cold has a way of seeping in and settling into your bones, despite the amount of clothing and blankets you are wrapped in. Furthermore, when there are lots of people out for a game, lines start to form everywhere. If you want a warm hot dog or cup of coffee, it is ages before it is your turn to get your food. By the time you get back to your seat, everything is cold and therefore, lost most of its purpose. In winter, I prefer to watch the games on TV and laugh at the crazy people sitting in the stands.
Discover CDs and CM CD Juliet has a white dress and wings. Romeo is wearing armor. The two are at a party. CM This scene is a clich . Juliet s wings suggest Romeo sees her as an angel. Romeo s armor creates a literal image of a knight in shining armor who has come to save Juliet from Paris and her obtrusive family.
