Bereavement Care Awareness in Church Communities
BEREAVEMENT
CARE
AWARENESS
SECTION 1
Introduction
GROUP AGREEMENT
AND CONFIDENTIALITY
What ground rules do we
want in the group to help
it run smoothly?
BEREAVEMENT CARE
AWARENESS AIMS TO:
Develop knowledge, skills and
understanding of how churches can
be involved in providing appropriate
levels of ongoing support to those
who are bereaved.
OUTCOMES
On completion of this training you will:
•
Gain basic information of the impact bereavement has
in people’s lives and the different ways in which
individuals commonly respond.
•
Have had the opportunity to reflect on your own
experience of bereavement.
•
Be able to identify the basic needs of bereaved people.
•
Be able to identify key factors in providing
effective support.
OUTCOMES
•
To identify the key factors that are essential for
churches to provide effective bereavement support.
•
To know the questions to be addressed in considering
whether it is appropriate for you or your church to
develop or be involved in this.
•
To gain information on models of bereavement
support that churches can provide.
•
To gain information on support services that
are available locally and nationally.
KEY FACTS AND FIGURES
•
Over half a million people die in the UK
each year.
•
88% of funerals have some ‘religious’ content
– although the number of secular funerals is
increasing rapidly.
•
Information on the availability of bereavement
support is not routinely given by funeral
directors, registrars and NHS
professionals – or churches.
SECTION 2
Death, society
and the Church
DEATH AND SOCIETY
•
Discussing and thinking about death and dying
has become society’s last taboo.
•
Until they are bereaved themselves, it doesn’t touch
many people’s lives closely.
•
Most people no longer understand the support that
bereaved people need and hope that they will ‘get over
it’ soon.
•
This leaves bereaved people unsure and
ignorant of available support.
DEATH AND THE CHURCH
•
Many people who would not consider
themselves churchgoers still turn to the
church in a time of bereavement.
•
Some churches see their role merely as
one of liaising with the family at the time
of the bereavement and organising
the funeral.
DEATH AND THE CHURCH
•
Many churches gave limited support around the
time of the funeral or with an annual memorial service.
•
Few did anything beyond this.
•
Most wanted to do more but were limited because of
lack of resources.
•
Few knew much about the availability of bereavement
support organisations or other resources.
•
The most pressing needs were for information,
resources and training.
DEATH AND THE CHURCH
•
Jesus wept with Lazarus’s family at his death
(John 11) and was ‘filled with compassion’ at
the grief of the Widow of Nain (Luke 7).
•
The early church was greatly exercised to give
support to widows and orphans (James 1).
DEATH AND THE CHURCH
“Those who go out weeping, carrying
seed to sow, will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.”
Psalm 126:6
BREAK
SECTION 3
Reactions to
bereavement
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
•
Emotions are what you feel.
•
Expressions are what you do.
•
Thoughts are what you think.
THE WAY PEOPLE GRIEVE
Grief is complex and influenced by a number of factors:
•
The quality and type of relationship they have with
the person who has died.
•
How, when and where the person died.
•
The age, gender, personality and level of
understanding of the grieving person.
•
Their previous experience of significant loss.
•
Their cultural and religious beliefs
and influences.
THE WAY PEOPLE GRIEVE
•
Their involvement in mourning rituals.
•
Their family and social support network.
•
Their other concurrent stressors.
•
Their upbringing (learnt behaviour).
EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF
•
Emotional
•
Physical
•
Psychological
•
Behavioural
•
Spiritual
BREAK
SECTION 4
Understanding
bereavement
THEORIES AND
MODELS OF GRIEF
•
Worden
•
Dual process model
•
Continuing bonds
•
Tonkin’s model
THE NEEDS OF
BEREAVED PEOPLE
Needs that are common to most are:
•
For their grief to be ‘normalised’.
•
To understand a little more about the journey they are on
and to be given strategies to help them while they are on it.
•
To understand that their journey is unique to them,
that they will get through (not over!) it and that there is
no time limit.
•
To feel understood, listened to and supported.
•
To have the opportunity to explore
spiritual issues.
THE NEEDS OF
BEREAVED PEOPLE
•
To know that there is hope for the future and that
there can be a new ‘normal’ life that is not the same
as before, yet can still be good.
•
To be given information on the availability of and how
to access support services.
•
To receive practical support – particularly in the
days and weeks after the death.
WHAT CHURCHES
COULD DO
•
Demonstrate they care.
•
Help those who are bereaved to
understand the bereavement journey.
•
Let them know where they can get
further support.
WHAT CHURCHES
COULD DO
•
‘Be there’ for them.
•
Provide emotional support.
•
Provide spiritual support.
•
Provide other support.
SECTION 5
Working with
bereaved people
EFFECTIVE
COMMUNICATION
We can demonstrate care and
understanding and the desire to
help through:
•
The words we say
•
The tone of our voice
•
Our body language
RESPONSES TO LOSS
Unhelpful things that people can say:
•
“I know exactly how you’re feeling.”
•
“Time is a great healer.”
•
“It’s a blessing in disguise.”
•
“At least they got to live to be that age.”
•
“Oh well, you’re young enough to
have another child.”
RESPONSES TO LOSS
Responses that are unhelpful for
bereaved people:
•
People not mentioning what has happened
•
People crossing the road to avoid speaking
to you
•
People overwhelming you with their
experiences of loss
•
Being told not to cry
RESPONSES TO LOSS
Responses that are unhelpful for
bereaved people:
•
Being told to get on with life
•
Being told to cheer up
•
Being expected to be back to normal after
a couple of months
•
Quoting scripture out of context and in
an insensitive way (e.g. Romans 8:28)
RESPONSES TO LOSS
More helpful comments and responses:
•
“I’m sorry to hear about the death of your mother”.
•
“I can’t imagine how you are feeling”.
•
Allowing someone the space and time to be
listened to
•
Remember: Saying something is nearly
always better than saying nothing at all.
BREAK
COMPLEX AND
COMPLICATED GRIEF
The features of complex and complicated grief:
•
Prolonged and intense yearning and longing
for the person who has died
•
Recurrent intrusive and distressing thoughts
•
Difficulty concentrating and accepting what
has happened
•
Difficulty moving beyond acute state of mourning
•
Feeling that life is now meaningless and
holds no future happiness or satisfaction
COMPLEX AND
COMPLICATED GRIEF
Complex grief is more likely in these situations:
•
The death of a child
•
Suicide
•
‘Lifestyle’ deaths − for example, drugs overdose
•
Sudden, traumatic death
•
Death of a relatively young person
•
Death where there is no body
•
Murder or manslaughter
•
Multiple bereavements
SECTION 6
Conclusion
WIDER CONSIDERATIONS
•
Dependency
•
Children and grief
•
Self-care
•
Structure and standards
FURTHER INFORMATION
For information and resources
on bereavement support visit
www.careforthefamily.org.uk/bereavement.
For more information about our
marriage and parenting resources visit
www.careforthefamily.org.uk.
PERSONAL REFLECTION
We have:
•
Considered the impact bereavement has in people’s lives and
the different ways in which individuals commonly respond
•
Reflected on our own experience of bereavement
•
Identified the basic needs of bereaved people
•
Identified key factors in providing effective support
•
Identified the skills, structure and safeguards needed to
provide appropriate levels of support to bereaved people
•
Considered whether it is appropriate to develop
or be involved in supporting bereaved people
•
Looked at the different models of bereavement support
THANK YOU
FOR COMING
Slide 1.1
This content delves into the importance of bereavement care awareness within church settings, aiming to equip individuals with the knowledge and skills needed to provide ongoing support to the bereaved. It covers ground rules for group support, key outcomes of training, essential factors for effective support, and key facts surrounding bereavement in the UK. Additionally, it examines the role of churches in providing bereavement support and the taboo of discussing death in society.
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Presentation Transcript
BEREAVEMENT CARE AWARENESS
SECTION 1 Introduction
GROUP AGREEMENT AND CONFIDENTIALITY What ground rules do we want in the group to help it run smoothly?
BEREAVEMENT CARE AWARENESS AIMS TO: Develop knowledge, skills and understanding of how churches can be involved in providing appropriate levels of ongoing support to those who are bereaved.
OUTCOMES On completion of this training you will: Gain basic information of the impact bereavement has in people s lives and the different ways in which individuals commonly respond. Have had the opportunity to reflect on your own experience of bereavement. Be able to identify the basic needs of bereaved people. Be able to identify key factors in providing effective support.
OUTCOMES To identify the key factors that are essential for churches to provide effective bereavement support. To know the questions to be addressed in considering whether it is appropriate for you or your church to develop or be involved in this. To gain information on models of bereavement support that churches can provide. To gain information on support services that are available locally and nationally.
KEY FACTS AND FIGURES Over half a million people die in the UK each year. 88% of funerals have some religious content although the number of secular funerals is increasing rapidly. Information on the availability of bereavement support is not routinely given by funeral directors, registrars and NHS professionals or churches.
SECTION 2 Death, society and the Church
DEATH AND SOCIETY Discussing and thinking about death and dying has become society s last taboo. Until they are bereaved themselves, it doesn t touch many people s lives closely. Most people no longer understand the support that bereaved people need and hope that they will get over it soon. This leaves bereaved people unsure and ignorant of available support.
DEATH AND THE CHURCH Many people who would not consider themselves churchgoers still turn to the church in a time of bereavement. Some churches see their role merely as one of liaising with the family at the time of the bereavement and organising the funeral.
DEATH AND THE CHURCH Many churches gave limited support around the time of the funeral or with an annual memorial service. Few did anything beyond this. Most wanted to do more but were limited because of lack of resources. Few knew much about the availability of bereavement support organisations or other resources. The most pressing needs were for information, resources and training.
DEATH AND THE CHURCH Jesus wept with Lazarus s family at his death (John 11) and was filled with compassion at the grief of the Widow of Nain (Luke 7). The early church was greatly exercised to give support to widows and orphans (James 1).
DEATH AND THE CHURCH Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them. Psalm 126:6
SECTION 3 Reactions to bereavement
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE Emotions are what you feel. Expressions are what you do. Thoughts are what you think.
THE WAY PEOPLE GRIEVE Grief is complex and influenced by a number of factors: The quality and type of relationship they have with the person who has died. How, when and where the person died. The age, gender, personality and level of understanding of the grieving person. Their previous experience of significant loss. Their cultural and religious beliefs and influences.
THE WAY PEOPLE GRIEVE Their involvement in mourning rituals. Their family and social support network. Their other concurrent stressors. Their upbringing (learnt behaviour).
EXPRESSIONS OF GRIEF Emotional Physical Psychological Behavioural Spiritual
SECTION 4 Understanding bereavement
THEORIES AND MODELS OF GRIEF Worden Dual process model Continuing bonds Tonkin s model
THE NEEDS OF BEREAVED PEOPLE Needs that are common to most are: For their grief to be normalised . To understand a little more about the journey they are on and to be given strategies to help them while they are on it. To understand that their journey is unique to them, that they will get through (not over!) it and that there is no time limit. To feel understood, listened to and supported. To have the opportunity to explore spiritual issues.
THE NEEDS OF BEREAVED PEOPLE To know that there is hope for the future and that there can be a new normal life that is not the same as before, yet can still be good. To be given information on the availability of and how to access support services. To receive practical support particularly in the days and weeks after the death.
WHAT CHURCHES COULD DO Demonstrate they care. Help those who are bereaved to understand the bereavement journey. Let them know where they can get further support.
WHAT CHURCHES COULD DO Be there for them. Provide emotional support. Provide spiritual support. Provide other support.
SECTION 5 Working with bereaved people
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION We can demonstrate care and understanding and the desire to help through: The words we say The tone of our voice Our body language
RESPONSES TO LOSS Unhelpful things that people can say: I know exactly how you re feeling. Time is a great healer. It s a blessing in disguise. At least they got to live to be that age. Oh well, you re young enough to have another child.
RESPONSES TO LOSS Responses that are unhelpful for bereaved people: People not mentioning what has happened People crossing the road to avoid speaking to you People overwhelming you with their experiences of loss Being told not to cry
RESPONSES TO LOSS Responses that are unhelpful for bereaved people: Being told to get on with life Being told to cheer up Being expected to be back to normal after a couple of months Quoting scripture out of context and in an insensitive way (e.g. Romans 8:28)
RESPONSES TO LOSS More helpful comments and responses: I m sorry to hear about the death of your mother . I can t imagine how you are feeling . Allowing someone the space and time to be listened to Remember: Saying something is nearly always better than saying nothing at all.
COMPLEX AND COMPLICATED GRIEF The features of complex and complicated grief: Prolonged and intense yearning and longing for the person who has died Recurrent intrusive and distressing thoughts Difficulty concentrating and accepting what has happened Difficulty moving beyond acute state of mourning Feeling that life is now meaningless and holds no future happiness or satisfaction
COMPLEX AND COMPLICATED GRIEF Complex grief is more likely in these situations: The death of a child Suicide Lifestyle deaths for example, drugs overdose Sudden, traumatic death Death of a relatively young person Death where there is no body Murder or manslaughter Multiple bereavements
SECTION 6 Conclusion
WIDER CONSIDERATIONS Dependency Children and grief Self-care Structure and standards
FURTHER INFORMATION For information and resources on bereavement support visit www.careforthefamily.org.uk/bereavement. For more information about our marriage and parenting resources visit www.careforthefamily.org.uk.
PERSONAL REFLECTION We have: Considered the impact bereavement has in people s lives and the different ways in which individuals commonly respond Reflected on our own experience of bereavement Identified the basic needs of bereaved people Identified key factors in providing effective support Identified the skills, structure and safeguards needed to provide appropriate levels of support to bereaved people Considered whether it is appropriate to develop or be involved in supporting bereaved people Looked at the different models of bereavement support
THANK YOU FOR COMING
