Back to Basics: Spring 2024 Retreat - SAA 12-Step Workshop
Explore the Spring 2024 Retreat theme focusing on the SAA Back to Basics 12-Step Workshop, emphasizing honesty, self-reflection, and belief in a higher power. Step by step guidance on overcoming addictive sexual behavior and finding hope in recovery. Engage in self-assessment, uncovering personal struggles, and seeking inner peace through surrender and acceptance.
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Presentation Transcript
Welcomes You To The Spring 2024 Retreat
To receive a copy of todays material: Send an email with Slides in the subject to gbrown@havenhealth.org
SAA Back to Basics 12-Step Workshop
Getting Right With the 12 Steps Contributed by Lonnie H. Steps 1-3 Getting Right with God Surrender to Win Steps 4-7 Getting Right with Self Suffer to get Well Steps 8-9 Getting Right with Others Die to be Reborn Steps 10-12 Daily Living It s not that some people have willpower, and some don t. It s that some people are ready to change, and others are not.
Step 1 We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior that our lives had become unmanageable.
Honesty Admitting we have a problem can be the first time we have ever been honest with ourselves, and chances are its still hard to believe. As long as we can be honest, even a little bit, we can move forward in our recovery. Honesty is the foundation on which all further progresses based.
Do you have a problem? Do you keep secrets about your sexual behavior? Have you had sex with people or in places where y333ou would not normally choose? Have you ever spent money on Sex? Have you ever lost time while watching Porn? Has your sexual behavior or pursuit of sexual relationships ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal? Recommendation is to get in the habit of writing things downs so that you can refer back to it in later steps.
Step 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
This step is all about Hope The hope that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to a basic sanity and well-being. Belief in a Higher Power can be difficult for many of us in SAA who come to the program with a faith that was damaged in one way or another, or those of us who never had any spiritual beliefs at all .. To work this step, we only need to be open-minded enough to try something new. For most of us, coming to believe is a gradual process. Pg 26.
Another writing assignment. Write down the characteristics that you would like your higher power to have, kind, loving, nonjudgmental etc. Then thing is there anyone or group that has some of those characteristics? (Sponsor, Group of Dudes) Note: your higher power can change nothing is set in stone. (Share a story how my view on my higher power has changed over time)
If you are having trouble with the insanity word in step 2. Thinking that you are not insane, Refer back to step 1 for proof.
Step 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
Being open to trying something new We may be afraid of taking this step. It may even seem impossible to surrender control and allow a caring Higher Power to direct our lives. But it is helpful to remember that all we are doing is making a decision to turn our will and lives over.
Being open to trying something new We find ourselves being more honest, more willing to share the truth about ourselves with others. We attend meetings consistently making room in out lives for the fellowship. We ask for and accept help, reaching out to other recovering sex addicts on a regular basis, instead of living in secrecy.
Conclusion How I use steps 1-3 on a daily basis. I struggle to continue to let my higher power drive (step 3). I am constantly thinking I got it . Then I refer back to my step 1. When I was driving my life went to hell. And only through a care of my higher power (step 2), I get to walk in the sun.
Third Step Prayer God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always! Amen.
Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Step 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
7 Parts: M / A / S / AF / M / I / OS Made make, write it down A a, not the; one of many Searching word exhaustive And Fearless not afraid of what might find; making inventory helps overcome 'fear' defect of character Moral your and others' meaning of right and wrong Inventory like a business to increase assets and decrease liabilities Of Ourselves ourselves, not someone else like in 'resentments' defect of character
Step 4 Inventory There are many ways to make a Step 4 inventory. My inventory has two defects/assets of character which are: 1. Fear/faith (lack of fear) 2. Resentment/forgiveness (acceptance) My fear and resentment come from my 'flee' or 'fight' response to stress. If I can't flee I fear, and if I can't fight I resent. My fear and resentment work together, too. I fear what I resent (as in procrastination and perfectionism), and resent what I fear (as in intolerance). My faith and acceptance work together, too.
Step 4 Discovery How did I get there? My main character defects driving my addiction and life of destruction 1.Fear 2.Pride 3.Greed 4.Envy Doing the inventory. Key word THE . Doesn t have to be perfect.
Step 4 Inventory - Character Defect Legend 7 Deadly Sins 8th one being FEAR Affects My 1. Pride 1. Self Esteem 2. Lust 2. Security 3. Greed 3. Ambition 4. Sloth 4. Personal Relations 5. Gluttony 5. Sexual Relations 6. Wrath 7. Envy 8. FEAR Doing the inventory. Key word THE . Doesn t have to be perfect.
Step 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
What Does A Good Step 5 Look Like? Step 5 principles are: 1. Integrity 2. Courage 3. Self-honesty 4. Commitment 5. Trust
Working Step 5 An inescapable conclusion: There is only one way to work Step 5 and that is to do exactly what it says. Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Emphasis on the nature of our wrongs. Step 5 does not ask us to recite our wrongs in some humiliating ceremony to shame us into better behavior.
Working Step 5 Examine what we have done, evaluate ourselves in light of what our moral inventory reveals and to admit it to another human being. It bears repeating that this is not What are my wrongs , but What are my defects of character, and what do the say about me? Step 5 also asks us to describe events where we displayed positive attributes, to chronicle times when we acted selflessly. This part of Steps 4 and 5 is central if the moral inventory is to be fair and balanced.
Step 5 Closing Neither all good nor all bad, we begin to accept ourselves as both the best and the beast, beings in need of Grace to reconcile the tension Prayerful reflection of that new self- understanding leads to compassion. Compassion leads to forgiveness of ourselves and of others. Forgiving ourselves and others is the pathway to healing and recovery. We are ready for Step 6.
Step 6 Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Wanting vs. Ready Wanting our lives to change is not the same as being actually ready for change.
Two reasons why we are not always ready to change Much of our resistance to change is based in fear. Our character defects started as ways to deal with difficult circumstance. It is hard to let go of beliefs and behaviors that once helped us cope or even kept us alive.
Three things are character defects due to us They make our lives unmanageable. Cause pain to others. Block our spiritual growth.
Summary of step 6 Step 6 builds on the recognition that are malady has roots that run deep. It requires the willingness to change fundamentally, to be free of the failings that create serious problems in our lives.
Examples of defects of character Examples of unhealthy attitudes may include: Resentment Grandiosity Self-pity Perfectionism Blaming others Feeling like a victim Entitlement
Examples of defects of character Our list of behaviors might include habitual actions such as: Raging Isolating from others Lying Manipulating Avoiding conflict
Examples of defects of character We may also have noted our negative traits or approaches to life, such as: Greed Envy Selfishness Self-hatred These defects a character refer to the exact nature of our wrongs admitted in the fifth step. In the sixth step we focus on those defects that have come to our attention for our inventory work.
What Step 6 asks us to do Becoming entirely ready involves a deeper commitment to recovery, a willingness to let God of our understanding affect important changes within us: In our ways of thinking and feeling In our behavior
Readiness The readiness in the sixth step is one of the practical results of our third step decision to turn our will and life over to God's care. For our higher powers will to work in our lives, we must be willing to let it work.
How to do step six Part of the process of becoming entirely ready is to practice these character assets in our actions and choices instead of our character defects. If we suffer from emotional rigidity, we can look for ways to become more flexible. If we are perfectionist, overly self-critical, or impatient, we can practice acceptance. Practicing new ways of behavior can help open our hearts to the spiritual change God wants for us.
How long does Step 6 take to work We have learned that the sixth step is not a single event, but an ongoing process.
If we are willing to do step six, where do we start? We do not need to have all defects removed at once. We can concentrate on being ready to have one or two debilitating character traits removed first. As we stop acting out One Day at a time, we can remove defects One Day at a time. When we react in an old way, we can handle it differently for one day. We will never know perfection, but we can experience progress. I have one question for you now: Are you now ready to let God remove from you all the things which you have admitted are objectionable?
Step 7 Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
Why do Step 7? Our character defects, the flaws or shortcomings in our personality, have caused us a great deal of suffering throughout our lives and prevented us from completely aligning ourselves with our Higher Power s will for us.
Summary of Step 7 When we become entirely ready to have these self-destructive aspects of our character removed, we then ask God to do so in Step 7. Whenever we ask for his help, we invite God into our lives in a new way.
Why is it necessary to ask God humbly? It takes humility to truly ask for help. Humility is a result of the self-honesty we have gained through working the proceeding steps. When we live with this knowledge, we do not expect perfection from ourselves or others. Humility means being teachable, vulnerable, and open. We can't do it without God's help.
What is the key to Step 7? The power of this step is in the asking, not in the result. Asking is a very powerful act, expressing a deepening surrender on our part. The seventh Step does not guarantee, or even predict, an outcome. We have found that God's will for us is usually different and ultimately greater, than our expectations. Simply putting ourselves in God's hands is all that's needed.
How to work Step 7 Many of us work this step through prayer. Often we include our request in our regular prayers. We may also ask for particular shortcoming to be removed when a situation demands it. We often find as soon as we pray, our attitude towards the situation has changed through the act of asking and we find relief.
When can we expect God to remove our shortcomings? Change occurs in God's time not ours. As addicts we are accustomed to seeking instant gratification. Most of us experience gradual improvement rather than sudden transformation. Some of our defects may indeed be quickly removed. Others may arise again and again, challenging us to a greater reliance upon God. Certain shortcomings may have gone into hibernation, only to reappear later when we are better able to surrender them.
What is the result of working Step 7? The result is a steady increase in our serenity, freedom, and spiritual growth.
How can we work this step? One of the main ways God works in our lives is through other people. Asking to have our shortcomings removed is also expressed through opening ourselves to other recovering sex addicts. Simply telling others about our defects can reduce their power over us. Just having someone listen to us in our struggles is often the very help we need.
