Alisha's Journey: Overcoming Co-Dependency, Trauma, and Self-Doubt
Alisha shares her poignant journey of battling co-dependency, trauma, and self-worth struggles through a series of personal experiences including surviving tornadoes, facing abuse, and confronting deep-seated beliefs. Her narrative highlights resilience, self-discovery, and the quest for healing amidst past turmoil.
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Presentation Transcript
FINDING ALISHA FALL FROM GRACE THE ROAD HOME A Blessed Journey
I AM ALISHA R. AND I HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM CALLED CO-DEPENDENCY! Qualifications: 3 12 step programs since 1986 1st CODA experience 1992 1993 NYC 2012 2017 Returned To CODA Austin, TX May 2021 I returned on my hands and knees! I am not recovered! That's somebody else!
THE EL RENO TORNADO 2013 I have spent my whole life running from a tornado. Trauma, pain, myself, the truth
JOPLIN TORNADO May 22 2011
MOORE OKLAHOMA 2013 Destruction Resurrection
THE WOUND Born a girl in a boy's body Physical Abuse Emotional Abuse Sexual Abuse My main abuser was my mother
THE BUILDING STORM: THE WORDS You are less than nothing You are not even human You are not worth the trouble No one will ever love you The Threats
THE BUILDING STORM: THE ACTIONS Spitting on me Beatings Age 11 My Father Abandoned Family Sexual
THE BUILDING STORM: MY BELIEFS I am not worthy of love I am a mistake No one will ever love me The world is a dangerous place To keep a partner I have to lie
Appeasement Sabotage by leaving Sabotage by resistance Staying Unconscious Bad Choices drama Lying The right woman would fix me LEARNING TO RUN: ALL MY REASONS WERE TO STAY SAFE
ALLAN'S SINGLES PROFILE FOR DATING SITES Sensitive, Intelligent man ready to commit to running, trying to stay safe at your expense, and guess what. I'm really a girl! Give me a call! I'm a real catch!!! YIKES!
ALLAN'S RELATIONSHIP RESUME Four marriages Four girlfriends since last marriage Fantasy and addiction main companion.
BACK TO CODA 2012-2017 My social club Building Ego Patterns of codependency what are they? The steps good for my other programs
SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION TRANSCENDENCE, LETTING GO I began letting go of all my addictions I started becoming conscious I became a student of a new way of living. I started getting honest.
GENDER TRANSITION Authenticity Honesty Integrity I always thought Alisha was the sick one. I came to see that Allan was the sick one.
ALISHA IS BORN RAGING PUBERTY ADOLESCENCE A MOTHERLESS CHILD
ENTER LISA Experienced Intelligent Beautiful Articulate Funny Losing her husband
A STOLEN MOMENT The beginning of the end The beginning of a new beginning
MY CODEPENDENCY Jealousy Fear of Abandonment Manipulating Expectations Posturing Enmeshment Disrespect for the natural rhythm
JULY 12TH 2021 The words You are not worth my trouble This will happen with anyone you are ever with. I don't care how you feel THE ACTION - BLOCKED RETRAUMATIZED
THE BOTTOM WHERE MIRACLES HAPPEN A FERTILE PLACE FOR GROWTH A MAGICAL PLACE The universe offered me one loss after another. Lisa would not be my answer. This bottom really had nothing to do with Lisa.
RECOVERY I let the tornado Catch me. Experiencing the emotions dropping the story Humility Uncompromised Carefully chosen guides Coming to terms with my insanity. Accepting the Rhythm of Relationships
MY PATTERNS OF CODEPENDENCY MY RECOVERY Denial Compliance Avoidance Control Low Self-esteem Monday Night Beautiful Mess
STEP ONE Codependentccccc I am powerless over others Trying to control them makes my life unmanageable I LOSE MYSELF
STEP 2 AND 3 W WHERE ALL THE POWER REALLY IS.
STEP 4 Looking in the Mirror Fearless? What is that?
STEP 5 GETTING HONEST
STEP 6 ENTIRELY READY? Preparing myself for divine intervention learning to shut up and pay attention!
STEP 7 Humility Acceptance It is not a battle
STEP 8 Making a list checking it twice I was at the top Lisa was second There were many people I lied to.
STEP 9 Making Amends Check my motives Open to Feedback Keep Safe- Direct/living
A WAY OF LIFE Step 10 Step 11 Step 12 The greatest service I do is sharing my mistakes and my accountability
RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DIVINE Ecstatic Dance Meditation Prayer Breathwork Spiritual Study
OTHER TOOLS Dropping thoughts that don't serve me Focusing on what does Free Expression Fantasy versus Reality Daily Gratitude Forgiveness!!!!! Letting go of outcomes
FUTURE DIRECTIONS My intention is to bring love to every interaction including boundary setting, saying no, when I'm hurt, when I'm afraid, when I'm lost!
THE UNINTENDED GIFT I have learned to love myself exactly as I am. I am learning to love others exactly as they are.
THE UNINTENDED GIFT I have learned that I can love as my deep heart dictates: I don't have to give myself away to do it
Acceptance I am perfectly imperfect FINAL I am on a journey THOUGHTS I am doing the very best I can I am beautiful and so are you!
