Marriage Dilemma: Choosing Between Two Suitors
A man, 25, faces a dilemma between two women who want to marry him. Girl A is beautiful but less smart, loves gaming, smoking, and drinking, while Girl B is smart, gentle, and dislikes vices. The man values parental approval, friend approval, and future family considerations. He must decide between autonomy and heteronomy in making his choice for a long-term marriage. Each woman offers different possibilities and risks based on their qualities and values.
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Group Project The dilemma Group 3 Benny, Tao, Ruth
MAN, 25, wants to marry someone he know. He loves computer games, he smokes and drinks, enjoy hanging out with friends. His parents own a big company and The man would like to marry a girl smart, beautiful and gentle, good at cooking, independent, someone his parents approve of. He don't want his wife play games, smoke and drink, but he don't want his wife stop him when he want to or when he wants to hang out with his friends. The facts
GIRL A, less smart, very beautiful, aggressive, unruly, loving computer games, likes smoking and drinking, good at cooking, full time employed earning a respectable salary in a clerical position. GIRL B, smart, less beautiful but not ugly, good temper, gentle, no idea about games, hating smoking and drinking, very sociable, not good at cooking, not employed but waiting for a job opportunity that interest her. The options
Both Girl A and Girl B would like to marry the man. Prerequisite
Heteronomy Autonomy Authoritarian and constrained thoughts Reflexes or emotional reactions (Dominated by one automatic thought) Systematic, critical and holistic searching Valid, relevant values, interests etc. (Who is affected? What are their values?) - - I want to please my parents! Which woman has what is needed for a long-term marriage? - My friends are important! - Is it better to please family and friends of myself? - Future kids should have parents they are proud of! - Who will make a better wife and mother? - A beautiful wife will impress my friends! Dogmatic and uncritical thoughts (Fixation to one important principle) Possible actions and values (What can be done? How are all values affected?) I should marry someone who likes my friends! Marry a calm woman, less arguments and more acceptance of my behavior? - - I should marry a girl my parents approve! - Choose a woman who my parents like, once my parents happy I ll also be happy? - Obviously I should marry who is most beautiful! - HA My wife should be able to cook! -
Autonomous thinking All principles, values, interests, duties, feelings, needs etc. of all involved parts Man: Good at cooking Man: Smart Parents: Cooking Parents: Gentle Man: No interruption when playing Man: Beautiful Marry Girl A Possibilities: Satisfied Possibilities Possibilities: May be good in the future Possibilities: Most likely no interruption Possibilities: Possibilities: All reasonable alternative actions Risks: Risks: Unsatisfied Risks: Will always be bad Risks: Cannot take care of family Risks: Conflicts arising to solve the problem Risks: Marry Girl B Possibilities: Possibilities: Satisfied Possibilities: Possibilities: Possibilities: Take care of family Possibilities: No conflicts Risks: Unsatisfied Risks: Risks: Interruption Risks: Risks: Risks: Autonomous thinking All principles, values, interests, duties, feelings, needs etc. of all involved parts Children: Cooking Children: Gentle Children: No drinking and smoking Friends: Gaming Friends: Drinking Parents: Smart Marry Girl A Possibilities: They may inherit the mans smartness Possibilities: Possibilities: Possibilities: Possibilities: No interruption Possibilities: No interruption All reasonable alternative actions to Risks: Disliking their mother for her bad cooking Risks: Disliking her mother for never being gentle Risks: Disliking their mother, may also be treated badly due to drinking Risks: Risks: Risks: Children not being smart Possibilities: Children will most likely be smart solve the problem Marry Girl B Possibilities: Satisfied Possibilities: Satified Possibilities: Satisfied, more stable environment Possibilities: Possibilities: Risks: Interruption Risks: Interruption Risks: Risks: Risks: Children turning fat Risks: Autonomous thinking All principles, values, interests, duties, feelings, needs etc. of all involved parts Friends: Smoking AT Marry Girl A Possibilities: No interruption alternative actions to solve the problem All reasonable Risks: Possibilities: Marry Girl B Risks: Interruption
http://interact.it.uu.se/collab/index.php?action=Open+project&projectID=67&http://interact.it.uu.se/collab/index.php?action=Open+project&projectID=67& userID=76 Collablink
beautiful She is very beautiful. She is very beautiful. He is obsessive to her beauty She is not beautiful, but not ugly smart She is not so smart but not stupid She is very smart. He don't need to worry about a lot. good at cooking She is not good at cooking, but she may be good in futrue She is good at cooking, and he loves her food no interruption when playing She loves playing too, so will not object to his playing She will interrupt him when he is playing COllab
She is not good at cooking, so can't tare care of family She is good at cooking, so can tare care of family good at cooking The man's parents gentle She is not gentle, not easy to get along She is gentle, easy to get along She is not smart, so her children will be not smart, too She is smart, so her children will be smart, too smart
no interruption interruption loving computer games The man's friends no interruption interruption loving drinking no interruption interruption loving smoking
They don't like a mother good at cooking They need a mother good at cooking good at cooking The man's children gentle They need gentle mother They need gentle mother no drinking and smoking mother no drinking and smoking mother no drinking and smoking
The Tools are useful for us to identifying interests/values as well as identifying risks with different decisions. It would seem like the order of business is the following: First you start with the OLE, depending a bit on the type of problem you have, it seems to be formulated for projects and IT use so we could not use it for our problem. Next one uses the HA, to identify Heteronomy and Autonomy sides, to find interests and principles. These one can later input into the AT, EthXpert or ColLab. Even though the AT is simple in its layout it will soon turn very messy as one tries to have many interests. From our point of view it seems almost simpler to attack the ColLab instantly. Both ColLab and EthXpert seems to simplify the Autonomy method, but the better one is ColLab since then it is web deployed and there is a possibility of collaborating with others on these projects, they worked well according to us. The autonomy method is very helpful in decision making and ColLab highlights and simplifies it so that one can perform it with ease. Some notes on possible improvements: First regarding the AT if you do it on a computer it would most likely to be better if one replaces the columns and rows, since for the most part there are more interests than there are possible options. Secondly there could be an export function to Excel in both EthXpert and ColLab. Evaluation
