Mary Horodyski and Prairie Fire: Western Magazine Awards

The Magazine School 2010
Bringing outstanding writing,
design and photography to the
classroom
 
An annual awards program recognizing
excellence in Western Canadian editorial work,
and design.
westernmagazineawards.ca
 
TMS The Magazine School is a project of the
Western Magazine Awards Foundation. It
provides classroom material to writing and
design instructors and professors.
Western Magazine Awards Foundation
Gold Award, Best Article – Manitoba
Mary Horodyski
The Geography of Ambiguity
Prairie Fire
Sponsored by the Manitoba Ministry of Culture, Heritage
and Tourism
Mark Reid
, Valour Sold, 
The Beaver
Meeka Walsh
, Natalka Husar: The Implication of
Painting, 
Border Crossings
Laurie Block
, God of the Father, 
Prairie Fire
Laurie Block
, Buenos Aires Cats, 
Prairie Fire
Mary Horodyski,
 The Geography of Ambiguity,
Prairie Fire
Finalists: Gold Award Best Article – Manitoba
Mary Horodyski
The Geography of Ambiguity”
Prairie Fire
And the winner is…
Prairie Fire 
is published
quarterly by Prairie Fire
Press in Winnipeg
Circulation: 1,500
Subscription: 1,200 
Prairie Fire
 is sold at
Chapters, Indigo and
McNally Robinson
$12.50 an issue or $35
yearly subscription 
prairiefire.ca
Prairie Fire
 
Prairie Fire
 is a quarterly magazine that looks like
a book.
 
“Each issue is loaded with stories, poems and
articles. It's a great way to read the latest from your
favourite authors long before their next book is
published. 
Prairie Fire
 is perfect-bound,
handsomely printed, has eye-catching covers, and
makes a welcome addition to your home library . . .
[it] will always be good, solid writing that will
engage your mind and delight your spirit.”
Prairie Fire 
self description
Born and raised in Winnipeg
BA (history) from the University of
Manitoba
MA (history) from Concordia
Lives in Winnipeg with her husband
and son, and is a graduate student
in aboriginal history at the
University of Manitoba
Author of 
mr spock do you read
me? (
Turnstone Press)
Her writing has appeared in 
Grain
,
Prairie Fire
 and 
Rampike,
 and is
included in 
Section Lines: A
Manitoba Anthology
Meet the author: Mary Horodyski
 
“I had been wanting for a long time to write
about my experiences as a mother of a child on
the autism spectrum. When I came across an
article on ambiguous loss, I thought that could
be the framework for my story.”
 
Mary Horodyksi
Story origins
 
“I wrote the article in just a few weeks, whenever
I could squeeze in an hour or two. I had never
written personal journalism or creative non-
fiction before.
 
“I like the book 
Not Even Wrong: Adventures in
Autism
, [which] alternated between research
and personal experience. I used this structure as
well.”
Mary Horodyski
The writing process
 
 
“My intention was to write from the angle of
ambiguous loss. However, as I wrote, something
else came out. The article ended up being about
my 
acceptance
 of my son. I don't think I
mentioned 
ambiguous loss 
at all.”
Mary Horodyski
Considering ambiguity and acceptance
 
“I had been very angry at the time at my son's
school and school division. 
 
“I had felt that I was so careful while writing the
essay to leave out much of my feelings and
experiences with the school.”
Mary Horodyski
Marshalling anger
 
“I was surprised when I re-read the essay
months later that so much anger at the school
system did come out in the piece. I had really
thought I had left it out!”
Mary Horodyski
Rereading the story
 
“YOU MUST HAVE FELT DEVASTATED. I’m on
the phone with the school psychologist. She’s
talking to me about my child’s diagnosis and I’m
trying to understand her question. At least I take
it as a question, I know it is some kind of probe.
But I’m slowed down by the length of time
between the diagnosis and the question finally
coming through. It’s been two years.”
Story lead
Horodyski’s bookclub read 
The Curious Incident
of the Dog in the Night-time 
about autism.
It prompted the author to get up in the middle of
the night to research why her son was failing
kindergarten.
“. . . when the Web pages of information about
Asperger’s come up, they are written about Colt.”
Backtracks to a nocturnal investigation
 
“After Dr. Feldman told us Colt has Asperger’s
Disorder, he gave us each a handshake, although
we weren’t sure if we were being congratulated
or consoled.”
Describing the diagnosis (1)
 
“My husband and I must have looked stricken
because Dr. Feldman scurried about his desk,
shuffling and sifting piles of paper. He came up
with a coffee ringed pamphlet for an autism
conference that ran last month.”
 
 
“Our hour with him was over and we were
shooed out the door, clutching the pamphlet like
a diploma.”
Describing the diagnosis (2)
 
“He doesn’t want to go to school. His new school
denies his diagnosis and blames his behaviour
on my poor parenting (somehow Mason gets off
scot-free). Later, as Colton begins to melt down
at school, or pace and cry most of the day, they
no longer deny the diagnosis but still seem
unwilling or unable to install useful strategies.”
Getting her son to school
 
“It is hard to access any autism services outside of school, as
Colton is considered to be too ‘high-functioning.’ I spend hours
each day on the phone, calling psychologists but no one knows
how to deal with a family living with Asperger’s.” 
 
“I write letters and emails to the school, suggesting strategies I
find in books, urging action, trying to get some help.”
 
 
“My mind goes in circles, angry arguments I invent in my head
with a rotating cast of characters: the principal, the teacher, the
resource teacher, the doctor, the psychologist, the psychiatrist.
My teeth are clenched and I feel myself start to shake.”
Struggling to get help
 
“When I wrote the article, I tried very much to
be honest – to write from my heart. Perhaps
this sounds clichéd. However, when what I am
writing is working, I can feel it. 
Mary Horodyski
Writing from the heart
 
“So, how did I feel when I heard my son’s
diagnosis? I felt my jaw go slack, I felt my hand
being shaken by the psychiatrist, then I felt the
paper pamphlet crumple in my hand.” 
 
“My husband and I must have looked stricken.”
 
“This makes sense to me but then I wonder, if
Asperger’s is not a disability, why does a child
need services?”
Examples of honesty
 
“They (the usual
 They
) say parents of an autistic
child mourn the child we expected but did not
receive. I have tried to mourn Colton but it
seems absurd. He has long eyelashes that stick
straight out like paintbrushes. A sense of
humour both slapstick and subtle. A zest for
learning and a love of singing. The ability to curl
and fit exactly, if not anymore within my body,
then within the shelter of my ribs and arms.”
Description of her son
 
“Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen, by the way, is the cousin
of Sacha Baron-Cohen (Borat, Ali G). Irrelevant?
Maybe, or maybe not: when you think about the
family genes that produced a top scientist and a
genius comedian, well, you start thinking about
genes. And that is Dr. Baron-Cohen’s intention. He
uses the theory of assortive mating – choosing a
mate on the basis of a similar or common trait – to
explain how men and women with a propensity for
systemizing skills are attracted to each other and
then produce children with hyper-systemizing, or
autistic, characteristics.”
Alternating research and anecdote
 
 
“The link between engineers and autism has
been shown in a study in Britain that looked at
the occupations of parents of children with and
without autism: twice as many children with
autism had parents who were engineers . . . there
is another study that says four times as many
parents of autistic children are poets, artists and
historians.”
Link between autism and engineers
 
“In the late 1960s, Bruno Bettelheim published
an influential work that blamed the outcome of
autism on cold and unconsciously hostile
mothers.”
More research: Blame the mothers
 
“The autistic traits are part and parcel of him:
his fascination with animals, dinosaurs, bees; his
ability to hum and scat Bobby McFerrin-style
great chunks of classical music; his charm. (‘My
compliments to the chef,’ he says to my sister at
Thanksgiving, ‘on this excellent jellied salad. It is
the best jellied salad I have ever had.’ He pauses.
‘It is the only jellied salad I have ever had, but if I
ever have another, this will still be the best.’)”
Hearing her son’s voice
 
“How could I mourn any of this? Instead, I
mourn the mother I thought I would be, the
mother I had expected. The mother who knew
what to do, where she stood.”
Mourning
 
“My son knows I wrote an essay about parenting,
but I did not tell him exactly what it is about or
how much he is implicated. I worry about when
he grows up and reads the piece. I am very
conscious that I wrote that piece without my
son's knowledge or permission. I hope he will
not feel that I exposed him unduly. I did change
his name and the name of my husband in the
essay. I hope I can use this loophole to defuse
him, if necessary, when he is older!”
Mary Horodyski
Writing without her son’s permission
 
“In the end, there is no recovery, no cure. There is no
better person or transformation, for me or for him.
There are moments of light and darkness.
Acceptance and anger. The inside and outside world
blur and clash, clash and blur. In the end, there is no
recovery. But there is a change in geography. The
border lines between our countries, our worlds, our
places are no longer solid, but dashed. The spaces
between allow for slippage through. In the end, I am
responsible for his autism and I’m not. In the end, I
follow him to new countries and I lead.”
Moving to the story end
 
“‘Mom,’ he says this to me last night, curled up
in his bed, ‘Let’s start making my life better
tomorrow.’ I lean over and kiss his sweet head.
‘Alright.’ I will go where I need to go. ‘Alright.’”
The ending
 
 
“I had heard that an academic journal was
looking for articles on mothering and disability
and I sent them an abstract. They did not accept
my proposal. I then heard of the 
Prairie Fire
creative non-fiction contest.
I used the 
Prairie Fire
 deadline as a way to carve
out a bit of time to write.” 
 Mary Horodyski
First pitched an academic journal
 
Prairie Fire Press and McNally Robinson
Booksellers
 
creative non-fiction contest.
An international contest held annually
$35 entry fee also buys a one-year subscription
$1,250 prize
Story wins 
Prairie Fire 
contest
 
Lawrence Hill, a Canadian author of five novels,
including 
Book of Negroes
, 
Someone Knows My
Name
 and 
Any Known Blood
, chose “The
Geography of Ambiguity” as the 
Prairie Fire
winning entry.
lawrencehill.com/index.html
Lawrence Hill judges
 
“The first place prize goes to Mary Horodyski of Winnipeg.
Her essay, ‘The Geography of Ambiguity,’ offers an
unflinching, unsentimental yet touching account of a mother
learning to cope with her son’s Asperger’s Disorder. The
narrator strives to accept her son and herself in the process.
This brief excerpt reflects the essay’s sudden, complex
psychological movements: ‘Colton is dawdling and
complaining and whining as we try to leave the house on
time. ‘Just shut up!’ I yell at him. He flinches and stares. ‘I
thought you were safe,’ he cries. ‘I thought you were safe.’
My resentment grows and I am ashamed.’”
Lawrence Hill’s judging notes
Manitoba Magazine Awards, shortlisted
National Magazine Awards: Silver in the
Personal Journalism category
Western Magazine Awards: Gold Award, Best
Article – Manitoba
Awards for “The Geography of Ambiguity”
 
“In the larger picture, I hope that each reader
has learned something about autism.”
– Mary Horodyski
Author comment
The Magazine School is a project of the Western Magazine
Awards Foundation, which acknowledges the financial support
of the Government of Canada through the Canada Periodical
Fund of the Department of Canadian Heritage toward this
project.
The Magazine School content was prepared with the skilful
assistance of Janice Paskey and students Sarah Kitteringham
and Terence Yung of Mount Royal University, and with the
generous co-operation of the winners of the 2010 Western
Magazine Awards.
Credits
We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of
Canada through the Canada Periodical Fund (CPF) of the
Department of Canadian Heritage towards our project costs.
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Mary Horodyski wins the 2010 Western Magazine Awards Gold Award for Best Article in Manitoba with "The Geography of Ambiguity" published in Prairie Fire, a quarterly magazine known for its engaging content and beautiful design. Learn about Mary Horodyski's background and the unique qualities of Prairie Fire magazine.

  • Mary Horodyski
  • Prairie Fire
  • Western Magazine Awards
  • Manitoba
  • Magazine

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  1. The Western Magazine Awards Foundation The Magazine School 2010 Bringing outstanding writing, design and photography to the classroom

  2. Western Magazine Awards Foundation An annual awards program recognizing excellence in Western Canadian editorial work, and design. westernmagazineawards.ca TMS The Magazine School is a project of the Western Magazine Awards Foundation. It provides classroom material to writing and design instructors and professors.

  3. The 2010 Western Magazine Awards Gold Award, Best Article Manitoba Mary Horodyski The Geography of Ambiguity Prairie Fire

  4. Finalists: Gold Award Best Article Manitoba Sponsored by the Manitoba Ministry of Culture, Heritage and Tourism Mark Reid, Valour Sold, The Beaver Meeka Walsh, Natalka Husar: The Implication of Painting, Border Crossings Laurie Block, God of the Father, Prairie Fire Laurie Block, Buenos Aires Cats, Prairie Fire Mary Horodyski, The Geography of Ambiguity, Prairie Fire

  5. And the winner is Mary Horodyski The Geography of Ambiguity Prairie Fire

  6. Prairie Fire Prairie Fire is published quarterly by Prairie Fire Press in Winnipeg Circulation: 1,500 Subscription: 1,200 Prairie Fire is sold at Chapters, Indigo and McNally Robinson $12.50 an issue or $35 yearly subscription prairiefire.ca

  7. Prairie Fire self description Prairie Fire is a quarterly magazine that looks like a book. Each issue is loaded with stories, poems and articles. It's a great way to read the latest from your favourite authors long before their next book is published. Prairie Fire is perfect-bound, handsomely printed, has eye-catching covers, and makes a welcome addition to your home library . . . [it] will always be good, solid writing that will engage your mind and delight your spirit.

  8. Meet the author: Mary Horodyski Born and raised in Winnipeg BA (history) from the University of Manitoba MA (history) from Concordia Lives in Winnipeg with her husband and son, and is a graduate student in aboriginal history at the University of Manitoba Author of mr spock do you read me? (Turnstone Press) Her writing has appeared in Grain, Prairie Fire and Rampike, and is included in Section Lines: A Manitoba Anthology

  9. Story origins I had been wanting for a long time to write about my experiences as a mother of a child on the autism spectrum. When I came across an article on ambiguous loss, I thought that could be the framework for my story. Mary Horodyksi

  10. The writing process I wrote the article in just a few weeks, whenever I could squeeze in an hour or two. I had never written personal journalism or creative non- fiction before. I like the book Not Even Wrong: Adventures in Autism, [which] alternated between research and personal experience. I used this structure as well. Mary Horodyski

  11. Considering ambiguity and acceptance My intention was to write from the angle of ambiguous loss. However, as I wrote, something else came out. The article ended up being about my acceptance of my son. I don't think I mentioned ambiguous loss at all. Mary Horodyski

  12. Marshalling anger I had been very angry at the time at my son's school and school division. I had felt that I was so careful while writing the essay to leave out much of my feelings and experiences with the school. Mary Horodyski

  13. Rereading the story I was surprised when I re-read the essay months later that so much anger at the school system did come out in the piece. I had really thought I had left it out! Mary Horodyski

  14. Story lead YOU MUST HAVE FELT DEVASTATED. I m on the phone with the school psychologist. She s talking to me about my child s diagnosis and I m trying to understand her question. At least I take it as a question, I know it is some kind of probe. But I m slowed down by the length of time between the diagnosis and the question finally coming through. It s been two years.

  15. Backtracks to a nocturnal investigation Horodyski s bookclub read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time about autism. It prompted the author to get up in the middle of the night to research why her son was failing kindergarten. . . . when the Web pages of information about Asperger s come up, they are written about Colt.

  16. Describing the diagnosis (1) After Dr. Feldman told us Colt has Asperger s Disorder, he gave us each a handshake, although we weren t sure if we were being congratulated or consoled.

  17. Describing the diagnosis (2) My husband and I must have looked stricken because Dr. Feldman scurried about his desk, shuffling and sifting piles of paper. He came up with a coffee ringed pamphlet for an autism conference that ran last month. Our hour with him was over and we were shooed out the door, clutching the pamphlet like a diploma.

  18. Getting her son to school He doesn t want to go to school. His new school denies his diagnosis and blames his behaviour on my poor parenting (somehow Mason gets off scot-free). Later, as Colton begins to melt down at school, or pace and cry most of the day, they no longer deny the diagnosis but still seem unwilling or unable to install useful strategies.

  19. Struggling to get help It is hard to access any autism services outside of school, as Colton is considered to be too high-functioning. I spend hours each day on the phone, calling psychologists but no one knows how to deal with a family living with Asperger s. I write letters and emails to the school, suggesting strategies I find in books, urging action, trying to get some help. My mind goes in circles, angry arguments I invent in my head with a rotating cast of characters: the principal, the teacher, the resource teacher, the doctor, the psychologist, the psychiatrist. My teeth are clenched and I feel myself start to shake.

  20. Writing from the heart When I wrote the article, I tried very much to be honest to write from my heart. Perhaps this sounds clich d. However, when what I am writing is working, I can feel it. Mary Horodyski

  21. Examples of honesty So, how did I feel when I heard my son s diagnosis? I felt my jaw go slack, I felt my hand being shaken by the psychiatrist, then I felt the paper pamphlet crumple in my hand. My husband and I must have looked stricken. This makes sense to me but then I wonder, if Asperger s is not a disability, why does a child need services?

  22. Description of her son They (the usual They) say parents of an autistic child mourn the child we expected but did not receive. I have tried to mourn Colton but it seems absurd. He has long eyelashes that stick straight out like paintbrushes. A sense of humour both slapstick and subtle. A zest for learning and a love of singing. The ability to curl and fit exactly, if not anymore within my body, then within the shelter of my ribs and arms.

  23. Alternating research and anecdote Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen, by the way, is the cousin of Sacha Baron-Cohen (Borat, Ali G). Irrelevant? Maybe, or maybe not: when you think about the family genes that produced a top scientist and a genius comedian, well, you start thinking about genes. And that is Dr. Baron-Cohen s intention. He uses the theory of assortive mating choosing a mate on the basis of a similar or common trait to explain how men and women with a propensity for systemizing skills are attracted to each other and then produce children with hyper-systemizing, or autistic, characteristics.

  24. Link between autism and engineers The link between engineers and autism has been shown in a study in Britain that looked at the occupations of parents of children with and without autism: twice as many children with autism had parents who were engineers . . . there is another study that says four times as many parents of autistic children are poets, artists and historians.

  25. More research: Blame the mothers In the late 1960s, Bruno Bettelheim published an influential work that blamed the outcome of autism on cold and unconsciously hostile mothers.

  26. Hearing her sons voice The autistic traits are part and parcel of him: his fascination with animals, dinosaurs, bees; his ability to hum and scat Bobby McFerrin-style great chunks of classical music; his charm. ( My compliments to the chef, he says to my sister at Thanksgiving, on this excellent jellied salad. It is the best jellied salad I have ever had. He pauses. It is the only jellied salad I have ever had, but if I ever have another, this will still be the best. )

  27. Mourning How could I mourn any of this? Instead, I mourn the mother I thought I would be, the mother I had expected. The mother who knew what to do, where she stood.

  28. Writing without her sons permission My son knows I wrote an essay about parenting, but I did not tell him exactly what it is about or how much he is implicated. I worry about when he grows up and reads the piece. I am very conscious that I wrote that piece without my son's knowledge or permission. I hope he will not feel that I exposed him unduly. I did change his name and the name of my husband in the essay. I hope I can use this loophole to defuse him, if necessary, when he is older! Mary Horodyski

  29. Moving to the story end In the end, there is no recovery, no cure. There is no better person or transformation, for me or for him. There are moments of light and darkness. Acceptance and anger. The inside and outside world blur and clash, clash and blur. In the end, there is no recovery. But there is a change in geography. The border lines between our countries, our worlds, our places are no longer solid, but dashed. The spaces between allow for slippage through. In the end, I am responsible for his autism and I m not. In the end, I follow him to new countries and I lead.

  30. The ending Mom, he says this to me last night, curled up in his bed, Let s start making my life better tomorrow. I lean over and kiss his sweet head. Alright. I will go where I need to go. Alright.

  31. First pitched an academic journal I had heard that an academic journal was looking for articles on mothering and disability and I sent them an abstract. They did not accept my proposal. I then heard of the Prairie Fire creative non-fiction contest. I used the Prairie Fire deadline as a way to carve out a bit of time to write. Mary Horodyski

  32. Story wins Prairie Fire contest Prairie Fire Press and McNally Robinson Booksellers creative non-fiction contest. An international contest held annually $35 entry fee also buys a one-year subscription $1,250 prize

  33. Lawrence Hill judges Lawrence Hill, a Canadian author of five novels, including Book of Negroes, Someone Knows My Name and Any Known Blood, chose The Geography of Ambiguity as the Prairie Fire winning entry. lawrencehill.com/index.html

  34. Lawrence Hills judging notes The first place prize goes to Mary Horodyski of Winnipeg. Her essay, The Geography of Ambiguity, offers an unflinching, unsentimental yet touching account of a mother learning to cope with her son s Asperger s Disorder. The narrator strives to accept her son and herself in the process. This brief excerpt reflects the essay s sudden, complex psychological movements: Colton is dawdling and complaining and whining as we try to leave the house on time. Just shut up! I yell at him. He flinches and stares. I thought you were safe, he cries. I thought you were safe. My resentment grows and I am ashamed.

  35. Awards for The Geography of Ambiguity Manitoba Magazine Awards, shortlisted National Magazine Awards: Silver in the Personal Journalism category Western Magazine Awards: Gold Award, Best Article Manitoba

  36. Author comment In the larger picture, I hope that each reader has learned something about autism. Mary Horodyski

  37. Credits The Magazine School is a project of the Western Magazine Awards Foundation, which acknowledges the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Canada Periodical Fund of the Department of Canadian Heritage toward this project. The Magazine School content was prepared with the skilful assistance of Janice Paskey and students Sarah Kitteringham and Terence Yung of Mount Royal University, and with the generous co-operation of the winners of the 2010 Western Magazine Awards. We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Canada Periodical Fund (CPF) of the Department of Canadian Heritage towards our project costs.

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