Managing Toddler Tantrums with Compassion
Five maneuvers for a
toddler tantrum
Mummy Owl: My daughter isn’t even sure why she’s
throwing a tantrum but she’s pretty sure it will help.
Marcy G:
My toddler was having a massive
tantrum until she found a grape on the floor. She
ate it, and forgot why she was crying. She was
crying because she doesn't like grapes.
Henpecked Hal: Last night, my 3
year old kicked me during a
tantrum. As I tucked him in bed
later, he apologized. "I'll never kick
you again," he said, pulling me in
closer and kissing my cheek. "Just
do exactly what I tell you to do and
I'll never have to kick you again."
My son is a mobster.
Wtfdad:
My
toddler’s
tantrum over
the door
being open
was only
surpassed by
his tantrum
over the door
being closed.
Tweets on
temper
tantrums
What are
tantrums?
•
Born out of an overwhelmed brain.
•
Come out of a brain still learning socially
acceptable ways of communicating strong
emotions.
•
The result of a brain shut down to rational
thought and instead acting purely on basic
instincts (fight/flight) and emotions.
•
The results of real emotional pain: no
control; deep frustration; loss;
disappointment; feeling misunderstood.
•
They are scary for the child themselves.
•
Key times for brain sculpting.
Two different types of tantrums: A
distress tantrum or a little Nero
tantrum
Distress tantrums
•
One or more of your child’s basic
instinct alarms have been triggered,
those of rage, fear and separation
distress
•
Your child’s arousal system is out of
kilter and is dumping large levels of
stress chemicals into their brain.
•
Your child hasn’t yet developed the
neural pathways in their brain that
help them deal with too big feelings.
•
Not possible for them to reason
themselves or understand your
reasoning
•
Distress tantrums are serious
business and need to be responded
to with compassion. Doing this will
set them up for a lifetime of being
able to best manage their big
emotions.
How can we help
our child with their
distress tantrum?
Uses simple, calm actions
Prevention is better than
cure
Distraction can work
wonders
Look for triggers
Sometimes food can
be a trigger
Tiredness and hunger
Choose your battles
Offer comfort
Express your feelings
appropriately.
Picking up on your
stress
Boredom or under
stimulation.
Little Nero Tantrums
•
A whole different ball game
to distress tantrums.
•
Little Nero tantrums are
about control and
manipulation.
•
No anguish, desperation or
panic, no stress hormones
flooding their systems.
•
Thinking brain is fully
engaged.
•
The focus of the tantrum is
on bullying a person into
giving them what they want.
How can we help
our child with their
Little Nero
tantrum?
Don’t provide your child an
audience.
Don’t try and reason,
argue with or persuade
Don’t “kiss it better”.
Don’t negotiate
Give clear, firm “No’s”.
Educate your child
about the benefits of
using social charm.
Use humour and play
when appropriate.
If your child is
hurting others or
himself remove him
away from others.
Distinguish between a
little Nero tantrum and
a distress tantrum
Resources
For a couple of articles on Temper Tantrums and a
copy of the notes for this talk go to:
http://www.phoenixplace.com.au/resources/
Books mentioned:
When I’m Feeling
Trace Moroney
My Calm Me Down Book
Trace Moroney
As a parent, understanding and effectively handling toddler tantrums is crucial. Tantrums can result from overwhelm, distress, or boredom, and responding with compassion and appropriate strategies can help children learn to manage their emotions. Recognizing triggers, offering comfort, and using distraction techniques are important tools in diffusing tantrums and nurturing emotional development in children.
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Presentation Transcript
Five maneuvers for a toddler tantrum
Mummy Owl: My daughter isnt even sure why shes throwing a tantrum but she s pretty sure it will help. Marcy G: My toddler was having a massive tantrum until she found a grape on the floor. She ate it, and forgot why she was crying. She was crying because she doesn't like grapes. Tweets on temper tantrums Wtfdad: My toddler s tantrum over the door being open was only surpassed by his tantrum over the door being closed. Henpecked Hal: Last night, my 3 year old kicked me during a tantrum. As I tucked him in bed later, he apologized. "I'll never kick you again," he said, pulling me in closer and kissing my cheek. "Just do exactly what I tell you to do and I'll never have to kick you again." My son is a mobster.
Born out of an overwhelmed brain. Come out of a brain still learning socially acceptable ways of communicating strong emotions. The result of a brain shut down to rational thought and instead acting purely on basic instincts (fight/flight) and emotions. The results of real emotional pain: no control; deep frustration; loss; disappointment; feeling misunderstood. They are scary for the child themselves. Key times for brain sculpting. What are tantrums?
Two different types of tantrums: A distress tantrum or a little Nero tantrum
One or more of your childs basic instinct alarms have been triggered, those of rage, fear and separation distress Your child s arousal system is out of kilter and is dumping large levels of stress chemicals into their brain. Your child hasn t yet developed the neural pathways in their brain that help them deal with too big feelings. Not possible for them to reason themselves or understand your reasoning Distress tantrums are serious business and need to be responded to with compassion. Doing this will set them up for a lifetime of being able to best manage their big emotions. Distress tantrums
Boredom or under stimulation. How can we help our child with their distress tantrum? Picking up on your stress Express your feelings appropriately. Uses simple, calm actions Prevention is better than cure Offer comfort Distraction can work wonders Choose your battles Tiredness and hunger Look for triggers Sometimes food can be a trigger
A whole different ball game to distress tantrums. Little Nero tantrums are about control and manipulation. No anguish, desperation or panic, no stress hormones flooding their systems. Thinking brain is fully engaged. The focus of the tantrum is on bullying a person into giving them what they want. Little Nero Tantrums
How can we help our child with their Little Nero tantrum? Distinguish between a little Nero tantrum and a distress tantrum Don t provide your child an audience. If your child is hurting others or himself remove him away from others. Don t try and reason, argue with or persuade Don t kiss it better . Use humour and play when appropriate. Educate your child about the benefits of using social charm. Don t negotiate Give clear, firm No s .
Resources For a couple of articles on Temper Tantrums and a copy of the notes for this talk go to: http://www.phoenixplace.com.au/resources/ Books mentioned: When I m Feeling Trace Moroney My Calm Me Down Book Trace Moroney
