Healing the Unimaginable: Infancy Trauma in Cult Families
Delve into the harrowing experiences of infants conceived in cult families, exploring the shocking practices of electroshock, deprivation, and trauma bonding inflicted upon them before and after birth.
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Healing the Unimaginable Alison Miller, Ph.D.
Engineered Personality Systems, Part 2 Alison Miller, Ph.D. with particular appreciation for Wendy Hoffman s contributions in From the Trenches and her memoirs: The Enslaved Queen, White Witch in a Black Robe, A Brain of My Own, and After Amnesia.
Infancy (most information here comes from Wendy Hoffman (essays in From the Trenches and memoirs such as The Enslaved Queen and from Stella Katz (chapter 8 in Healing the Unimaginable)as well as from memories of other clients of mine
Imagine You are a baby conceived in a cult family, or You are an expectant mother in a cult family, or You re just the therapist for someone who was one or both of these
Before this baby is born Electroshock is administered to the mother s belly at regular intervals, beginning in the 6thmonth of pregnancy, sowing seeds of an attachment disorder. It is to make the mother withdraw her connection from the child. Groups believe you can t mind-control a bonded child. Physical pain is given right after birth, making the baby cry, to see whether it accepts comfort. If yes, the child cannot hold a leadership position and might not be allowed to live.
Deprivation, Neglect, Abandonment, Rejection No breastfeeding is allowed. The baby is kept hungry and thirsty, fed at irregular intervals. Hunger and dehydration are essential. Mother has to walk by and ignore it. She may feed a sibling while the starving infant watches. The child is left cold and wet, with hands bound so it can't suck its thumb. The baby longs to be touched and held. A massage of the feet ends with needles inserted between the toes. Touch leads to pain. Mother is restrained from giving comfort. The child is deliberately hurt, the parent is forced to walk by and isn t permitted to help, then the trainer rescues the child. Programmers teach the mother to insert fingers and then special rods to stretch the child s orifices so rapes will be manageable at an early age. If the mother won t do it, the trainer or the father does it.
The Result The child forms a trauma bond with the handler and/or the group, from desperation and deprivation, not love and abundance. This is a big problem with future relationships. Infant feelings form an unrelenting sack placed under the solar plexus that can follow the survivor throughout life, unless they locate these parts, rescue, and heal them. The baby feels feel suicidal.
Assessment The infant is frightened with loud noises, and assessed to see how fast it settles. The infant is assessed for strength of will and dissociative ability.
Helping Inner Infants Encourage your client to reach out to those inner infants within the mind, hold, feed and comfort them, expressing love to them, rocking and singing to them, keeping them warm and fed. Your client might become aware her mother was forced to reject her, being a powerless victim trapped in a web of evil.
Earliest Teaching In some groups, the baby s crib has coloured cloths on the sides with pockets for dolls representing the inside people, to show parts who they are and where they are located. There are also magical symbols and faces. The child is taught how to put each foundational part in its own pocket. Infants are taught to pee on command and are beaten if they wet. Don t cry programming is usually done by suffocation with a pillow. A head vise may be used. No release of feelings is permitted. The silence touch is taught rubbing on the top of the head (soft spot), which will apparently calm down a survivor. Touch triggers are taught to the infant; many look like loving touches but are reminders of pain administered while the child was semi-conscious and drugged. Important words are spoken. Babies memorize words and understand them later: You are our possession. We own you. You will do whatever we say.
System Building First Splits 12 6 weeks to 6 months ( in Kabbalah based ritual abuse groups, according to former programmer Stella Katz): The Firstborn is the first split, is not hurt again, grows up with the body and is designated guardian of the birth child. The Gatekeeper is the next split, keeps records of all deliberate splits, and is never hurt after his birth , grows up with the body. 13 original parts are split off, each the start of a section ( block ) with a particular type of job. The splits are made by annoying sounds, needles in feet, electrodes in orifices, and small painful shocks. The trainer watches and sees the child split, and gives each split a name, colour, and symbol. The trainer keeps records in the child s black book.
Hand Signals Abusers flutter their hands in babies faces to sensitize them to hand motions and teach them to watch hands closely. Children learn the specific hand sequence to sit, go, lie down, fall asleep, be quiet, run, leave, enter, drop the evidence, hide something in specific places, deny, murder, shoot, kidnap, steal, poison, drop a pill in a drink, forget everything, or remember nothing. A hand signal coupled with a visual cue or sound is sufficient for a trained, programmed assassin part of a person to perform a murder in public. The JFK murder shows signs of this: a left shoulder tap, a polka dot dress Victims are sent to survivor s conferences to give vulnerable speakers and participants hand signals. Most who use their hands this way do not know what they are doing. Some do.
Spinning The infant is spun on a baby scale when it cries or doesn t comply. Survivors often have a sense of spinning. After every programming session, the programmers spin victims in electroshock chairs, in floor rotatable chairs, on spinning boards. The spinning is meant to be a barricade to keep them from knowing what happened. One part has the job of releasing the spinning sensations if the memory comes close to consciousness. The spinning also spreads the feeling or message of the memory to which it is attached throughout the session.
Infancy Training and Teaching 15 Some infant parts are spoken to in occult languages. The child is hurt without visible marks (electroshock works best). Touch triggers are taught to the infant; many look like loving touches but are reminders of pain administered while the child was semi-conscious and drugged. The child is taught the Silence touch on the crown of the head. There is sexual abuse with fingers and a set of dildos in graduated sizes, to enlarge orifices so the child can be raped at an early age. The child is frightened and assessed to see how fast it settles. The child is assessed for strength of will and dissociative ability.
Placement of original splits In Illuminati programming, the 13 original splits are accomplished by age 6 months. They are separated and placed in containers, e.g. coffins. These are sealed and placed below the structure that has yet to be built internally, starting at three years old. These containers below the structure will feed the subsequent structures with feelings of hopelessness and despair. Then programmers cement the splits, color-code them, assign them visual cues and hand signals. Some subversive programmers deliberately and secretly leave in cracks.
Trish Fotheringham (survivor of organized abuse connected with military): 17 During my first weeks of life, my handlers established as much controllable dissociation as possible, as soon as possible. Negative emotional states such as fear, helplessness, stifled anger, and loneliness, as well as positive ones such as pleasure, contentment and safety, were isolated into separate alters. Some of these splits initially involved trauma; all were developed by giving each alter experiences that locked them steadily deeper into their emotional state As each base alter had enough time "out" in the body, their reality steadily began to solidify. Dissociative barriers limited their awareness to only their own pieces of my overall life.
Growing Up in the Cult Two lives are going on simultaneously: one of tortuous mind control and inner parts that on command emerge for assignments. Ordinary life: work and school, family meals, weekend outings, parties, shopping, films, sports, house cleaning, laundry, children s sports and music recitals and homework and projects. Cult families do what normal families do in normal life. Many survivors idealize their perpetrator families. Every kind of abuse: mental, physical, sexual (incest, perversion), spiritual. Incest is enforced with parents and pets. Cult leaders mandate sexual abuse and threaten to kill kids if parents don t participate. Parents have been so abused themselves that they have their own perversions. Some parents find ways to mess up a little of their children s programming.
Evaluation of Victims Experts evaluate each child to see what will motivate him or her. Will this person place her own survival first, or others survival? Does a victim fear professional or public humiliation more, or physical torture more? Children s talents and interests can be usurped for the group s purposes. Abilities may be used only in cult life, where the person can be important and special and apparently needed. Matriarchs are cult members who know how to court people, build them up, and make and keep them dependent, in a helpless, childish state. Victims who were stripped of self-esteem are offered positions of power.
Preschool Years Foundation is built 21 In some groups, the baby s crib has coloured cloths on the sides with pockets for dolls representing the inside people, to show parts who they are and where they are located. There are also magical symbols and faces. The young child is taught how to put each foundational part in its own pocket. The inner world is created by artificial means: hypnosis, drugs, picture books, films, stories. Stage magic, scenery and props are used to make the child believe he or she is in heaven, hell, spaceships, Nazi Germany, other worlds, over the rainbow, etc. A builder part may be designated to build a model of the system structure(s) with building toys in the real world. Each originally created part is split further to make a group of parts with the same job and type of training. Groups may have designated colors. Parts are sealed in at ages where they cannot tell fantasy from reality
Physical Methods of Training 22 Psychoactive Drugs create separate biological states: tranquillizers for compliant parts, amphetamines for rageful perpetrator parts; hallucinogens for demons and others who are not to be part of the body. Pain: Torture (all known methods), electroshock (leaves no trace), shock helmet which delivers shock to specific brain areas, special chair delivers shocks as well as drugs and spinning and sensation of flight. Pain in particular spots on the body may be used to create parts who live there. Terror: threats to life with guns, whips, waterboarding, suffocation to point of unconsciousness. Child believes he or she will be killed if noncompliant.
Emotional Methods of Training 23 Deprivation: Sensory deprivation deprivation room, pit, crawl space, cages, chains; sleep and food deprivation used in preparation for rituals; solitary confinement as punishment; garbage kids are left in these places (and live there internally). Overwhelm: Sensory overload combined with hallucinogens for crazy programming; spinning used from infancy to overwhelm child, teach child s/he has no control over body; distribute lessons to parts. Internal spinner parts are trained to spin a sensation from a memory to alters chosen to receive it. Shame: double binds, forced choices ( You kill this animal or we kill this child ); deliberate shaming, humiliation, belittlement; simulation of heaven and hell; rejection by God and Jesus ; acceptance by Satan and Lucifer with invitation to perpetrate instead of being harmed.
Deception in Training 24 Hypnosis combined with drugs and stage magic Hidden cameras & microphones Theatrics, illusion, sets, sounds, smells, costumes, makeup, elaborate role-plays Older victims remember picture cards, photographs, mirrors, story books, nursery rhymes, fairy tales. Middle-aged victims remember films. Younger victims remember virtual reality, holograms, computer- generated images. Music accompanies switches and trained behaviours. Fake surgeries implant bombs, a black heart, Satan s brain, tracking devices, etc.
Indoctrination: the Superiority of the Perpetrator Group 25 We have superior knowledge and wisdom. We serve the correct deity in the correct way. Our way of life is the only right way, and our leader or deity deserves obedience and loyalty. You can trust our group because we are your family, the only ones who care about you. We do these things (abuses) for your own good, to train you and make you strong. We are going to make the world a better place when we run it. These beliefs are hammered in over and over through religious ceremonies, military drills, songs and chants and rhymes, rewards and punishments.
Obedience 26 You belong to us (a slave, though this word is not always used). You are good if you obey us and bad if you disobey. You must remain loyal and obedient because you made vows or promises. You are a robot, a computer, a sex machine, a killing machine, not a person. You were created only to do the job assigned to you. You will have no purpose and will not exist if you don t do it. You are a soldier whose duty is to obey without thinking, never think for yourself. If you obey you will rise to be a general (or another high rank). If you fight back you are a traitor and will be punished. Abusers dress children up in uniforms, put them through military exercises, show them movies of soldiers marching or fighting, give promotions, talk about pride in the cause. Children who cry, vomit, show fear or sadness, or show compassion for others being hurt are punished. Meanwhile, the front parts know nothing about all this.
Loyalty 27 A disloyal member is called a traitor and said to deserve rape and/or torture and/or death. We can kill you or take you away at any time, and no one can stop us because we are all-powerful. If you are disloyal, someone you love or another vulnerable child will be killed or punished instead of you. Your higher-ups inside must make the other parts obey, and punish them if they disobey, or we will punish the higher-ups. Enforced through: Vows of loyalty, signing documents (sometimes in blood) Rewards (drugs, sex, getting to abuse, stripes, rings, tokens) Punishment for minor infractions Threats and demonstrations of severe punishment of the child and others, killing of traitors
Lies They Tell Each specific lie has a specific purpose. Lies are backed up by trickery (fake stage magic, illusions, and drugs). Your client may want to write down things abusers said which they suspect may be lies, but they aren t sure. My list of 50 lies has the lie, the truth, why They told this lie, how They made their victims believe it, and what to do about it. (From the Trenches) The trick with disinformation is to include lots of correct information which is already known, so the speaker or writer is not revealing anything new. Learning critical thinking is an important part of recovery.
Types of Lies About the reality of the abuse About the abusers power and character About obedience and disobedience About keeping in contact with the abusers About what will happen if the victim tells someone About life and death and reality About who the victim is
30 The BIG LIE We know everything and are all-powerful. We have magical (for young children) or technological (for older children) ways of knowing what you think and do and say. The walls have ears. Satan s eyes/the All-Seeing Eye watch you. We live in the shadows or in the walls. The crows/squirrels/spiders report to us. Your stuffed animals report to us. A microchip/device implanted in your body tell us where you are and what you are thinking/saying. A bomb in your body will go off if you are disloyal. Everyone you know is linked to us and will report to us. God/Lucifer/Satan (who is omnipotent, omniscient, and omni-present) is always watching you. All these things are simulated in childhood, using hidden microphones, one-way mirrors, fake surgeries, and other deceptions.
The Orchestrated Sacrifice of a Friend (Healing the Unimaginable, p. 211; The Enslaved Queen pp. 85-96) Around age 6 the child is given a friend, usually another child, carefully chosen from the sacrificial victims bred for this purpose. The relationship lasts about a year, and then the child who has tasted love is forced to participate in the murder of his or her friend. The mind control message is that love is not allowed, that the cult leaders will murder any person or animal you love. After that, if anyone the child knows becomes ill or injured or dies, the child is told it is his or her fault. This can backfire, as the victim now knows what love is, and knows that she or he can be loved by someone who is capable of love. In some cases, the deceased special friend may remain with the victim and shield him or her from the full impact of the torture.
Forced Perpetration Occult groups force children to participate in torture, rape, animal sacrifice, and real and simulated murders Even if the murder is a simulation, the child does not know it Training begins with forcing the child to kill a pet with which they have been allowed to bond. The trainer s hand is over the child s hand, then the child is blamed for the death and told s/he is evil. As in war, the child is kill or be killed.
Cover Memories The perpetrator groups are always aware of the danger of memories of their abuses leaking out, and the survivor telling someone who might believe them, even though there is strong Don t Tell programming. So they set up cover memories. One cover memory is the murder of a person the child knows in the real world. The child attends a ritual or other event in which that person is apparently murdered. The child is encouraged to report this to the police. The police investigate, and find the person alive and well. Another cover memory is the standard alien abduction, complete with spaceship and aliens doing things to the child s body with instruments.
Sexual Horrors Sexual trainings take place in electroshock chairs, where children are masturbated and then electroshocked on the genitals and nipples, to couple their premature sexual feelings with physical pain. Children are sexually stimulated while being placed next to dead bodies. They are forced to engage in sex with animals. They are forced to sexually abuse animals and other children, and may be sexually pleasured while they do it, to turn them into perpetrators. Children are taught to have sexual feelings with relation to any person the trainer points to. These sexual programs are sometimes turned on accidentally. Most survivors become divorced from their bodies. They may only be able to feel sexual pleasure when it s coupled with violence, or with near-death.
Types of Sexual Parts 35 Breeders (who give birth to infants for sacrifice or sale), and may be mothers to unregistered children for years Nymphomaniacs Masochists Necrophiliacs Sexual perpetrators including killers Seducers (for example, of therapists) Mixing parts is important here. Pain holder parts are paired with the masochist and perpetrator parts so they don't feel the pain they experience or inflict. Frequently the victim is trained that he or she cannot experience orgasm unless in a violent situation, either hurting someone or being hurt by someone. Killers are trained to experience orgasm when someone is killed. Drugs enhance this. Kids are trained by being masturbated while watching filmed then actual violence. Perpetrator groups thus produce the customers for sadomasochistic sex which they sell.
Anger Displacement Training Programmers manipulate anger in children, starting almost at birth. They deliberately frustrate and enrage infants by taking away love, bottles, pacifiers, soft objects to cuddle. By the time their victims are toddlers, they are training them to kill. At 4 to 6 years old kids are taught to direct their anger to the group s enemies, including anyone who tries to help the child victims escape. Child (soldier part) is given a stimulant drug, made to send anger to the designated target. Child has to walk to target, then suddenly pivot to the next target, while perps shoot at the previous spot. Love felt for the sacrificed friend is similarly displaced to a target person designated to be the child s friend or lover. But this first love may be too strong for this displacement to work well.
The Angel of Suicide Controllers deliver an apparent angel to lead the way into supposed paradise of comfort and peace. The angel looks beautiful, like a Renaissance painting. In the crib, before the infant knows speech, handlers show images of the angel as they stroke, soothe, drug, and feed the famished baby. They use technical equipment to project the fake angel s movement around and across the room. Programmers torture the child, then drug it and show the angel, which becomes associated with relief. In cult training centres, after much torture and terror, in the last room at the end of each pathway, is a woman dressed up as the angel, who drugs the child and soothes her into sleep. Suicide (by means previously taught) is commanded through a signal which elicits the internal image of the angel.
Events Specific to Satanic Ritual Abuse 39 Satanic baptism, age 12-18 months (rape by man in devil suit) Demon simulation by puppets, film; kids are costumed and told they are demons Kids are costumed and told they are animals Satanic rebirth, around age 6 (from body of a beast) Marriage to Satan, age 9, official loss of virginity Kabbalah training (reversed) with Hebrew letters and/or tarot cards; child walks pathways, inviting "angels" at the end are suicide traps Firstborn male child is "Satan's child" and is sacrificed Breeders produce babies for sacrifice or trade Simulation of religious figures and the afterlife
Rituals The child is trained not to sleep or eat in preparation for a ritual; your client may do this and the front parts not know why. Rituals occur on Christian and pagan holidays. The child has been trained to hold urine and feces, to keep still and silent, not to run, not to feel pain, and to make the usual front person sleep Some parts are trained to use a knife for killing or dissection Training to kill Some parts are trained in occult languages Not all ritual abuse stars Satan. There is ritual abuse in the name of Christ.
Demon Parts Demons and devils are usually small child parts, split off through special rituals at ages 3 to 5, costumed and taught to make demon sounds by larger (adult) demon impersonators. They may have the names of demons found in ancient books. They have been taught no one will ever want them. They may have been taught they will harm anyone they speak with. Do not try to banish them or they will retaliate by destabilizing the client.
Language Speaker Parts For Satanic or Luciferian cults May write in mirror language or speak in backwards English Can speak fluent Enochian or other occult languages May also have languages from childhood when family has moved Some may not know English or the language of the country the survivor lives in Some also know English and can be used as internal translators
Arranged Adult Lives Victims lives are arranged by the perpetrator group, even when they believe they have made their own choices. Careers are chosen by the perpetrator group. Most cult marriages are pre-arranged. Only some parts of the victims are aware of this. Living locations are chosen by the group on the basis of access by the group or relative exile for victims in old age or no longer of use. There are cult neighborhoods. Perpetrators often want a victim to have a child or a pet, to motivate the victim to be compliant. Survivors are sent to cult-involved therapists. Survivor therapists are sent cult-involved clients.
Spies All victims are taught to report on other victims in other words, to be spies for the perpetrator group. At conferences, in online discussion groups, in ordinary apparent friendships, victims spy and report on other victims. Friendships are arranged. If a survivor has any apparent friends, chances are that some of them are spying on that survivor. If a new person appears in a survivor s life, that person may be sent by the perpetrator group, as a handler or a spy.
Handlers A victim is likely to have a handler until he or she escapes or dies. A handler makes sure you follow all commands, that your programs remain intact, that you make no moves toward breaking free. Reporting parts make sure handlers know what is going on. The same handler can monitor many people s lives. They can be parents, siblings, spouses, lovers, relatives, friends, therapists or clients. People in important visible positions have solidly loyal handlers, who will be demoted and punished if they break free. If you know who your handler is, you can lie to that person, and not report what you think and feel.
Conscious Perpetrators There is a program for certain higher-up cult members to become conscious perpetrators when they reach a certain age, usually 33 or 39. A conscious member is fully identified with the goals of the group, rewarded with status and power and freedom from being tortured. The opportunity to go conscious is presented and the person must agree to it. Conscious members are aware of what they are triggering and why. They may become programmers or matriarchs, or have other positions where they are responsible for advancing the agenda of the perpetrator group, often high positions in society. The cult-identified parts of the person integrate with the front people, keeping the hidden tortured child parts buried deep inside, never to emerge. Some handlers are conscious.
This is the Victims Life Trajectory Unless the victim makes an enormous effort to break free And we can help that happen!
