Grief and Loss: A Therapist's Perspective

 
Living with
Grief and
Loss
 
Carly Fleming, M.Ed., RP
Registered Psychotherapist
everwell Integrated Health
Professionals
 
Presented by:
 
Plan for this presentation
 
What is grief?
 
What/whom are you grieving for?
Let’s share
 
What do I do with my grief?
Let’s share
Meaning-making activity
 
What are the barriers to grieving?
 
What if you want to explore this further?
 
Grief and personal growth
 
Definition of grief
 
Grief is the normal process of reacting to a loss.
The loss may be physical (such as a death, loss of health/function),
social (such as loss of friends), or occupational (such as a job).
 
Emotional reactions of grief can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness,
and despair.
 
Physical reactions of grief can include sleeping problems, changes in
appetite, physical problems, or illness.
 
 
 
Grief is real
 
No one escapes it!
 
Grief is totally normal but sometimes it masks as other things.
It can look like anger, sadness, numbness, irritability, etc, etc.
 
What does grief FEEL like for you?
 
Group brainstorm
 
 
 
What/whom are you grieving for?
 
Someone who died?
 
Something you used to have but you don’t have
anymore?
 
A future that you imagined?
 
Group sharing
 
How is grief related to survivor guilt?
 
 
 
 
 
What to do with your grief
 
Don’t be afraid of it
Many people are afraid that if they let the feelings of grief in, it will be
all consuming and they won’t be able to get out of it.
In my experience, the only time that grief becomes all consuming is
when it’s hidden away.
 
Invite it in
You can set aside time to think about your losses. You can make sure
you take care of yourself and ask others to help take care of you so you
can invite your grief in.
When grief sneaks up on you, you can say hello to it and acknowledge it
instead of reacting by pushing it away.
 
Recognize it
Can you look underneath your anger? Your impatience? Your
tearfulness? Your feelings of survivor guilt? Maybe underneath there is
grief that is looking to be expressed.
 
 
 
 
 
What to do with your grief
 
Express it
Emotion seeks expression. When feelings aren’t expressed they get
stuck inside us. When feelings are stuck, all sorts of negative things can
happen (for example, an over-reliance on numbing activities, use of
substances, emotional walls being put up, etc.)
 
Understand it
When we understand our feelings, even if they get really intense, they
aren’t as scary and all consuming. If you understand that you are
grieving, you can take steps to take care of yourself.
 
Cherish it
Your grief is an expression of your love, your hope, and part of your
authentic self. It’s meaningful and provides important connection to
what/who you’ve lost.
 
 
 
 
 
What to do with your grief
 
Express it!
What are some ways we can express our grief?
Brainstorm together
 
 
Making Meaning
Pebbles and petals activity
 
 
 
 
What are the barriers to grieving?
 
Parents/family members want to protect you from emotional pain
Cultural focus on positivity 
 “look on the bright side”, cheering
people up
Natural human instinct to avoid pain
Fear of being overwhelmed by grief
Other people’s avoidance of things they don’t want to think about
Lack of experience in welcoming difficult emotions, lack of coping
skills
Any other barriers?
 
Grief is the reflection of the connection lost. We
think we want to avoid the grief, but really it is
the pain of the loss we want to avoid. Grief is the
healing process that ultimately brings us comfort
in our pain.
– Kubler-Ross, Kessler
 
Want to explore grief further?
 
Ask a close friend or family member if you can talk to them
about your grief (don’t wait for them to ask you).  Help
educate them about what grief is and the need for you to
share it with them.
Talk to other survivors 
 they “get it” and you’ll be helping
them too.
Find a local or online grief counsellor (if you have insurance
benefits).
Grief groups?
“Write your grief”/”Journal your grief” courses online.
 
 
When grief gets complicated
 
Sometimes grief gets complicated 
 it can lead to
depression or anxiety that you can’t manage alone. Talk to
your doctor.
Sometimes you feel traumatized by what you’ve gone
through 
 experiencing trauma can make grief very
complicated. Seek out a therapist who can help you make
sense of what you’ve gone through so you can grieve in
healthy ways.
Send me an email and I can help you decide what your
options are if you need more support.
carly@everwellhamilton.ca
 
 
Grief and personal growth
 
Personal growth is only possible in conjunction with
inviting, understanding, and expressing your grief.
 
By itself, a focus on personal growth through loss can be
another barrier to grieving.
 
Ways that grief helps us to grow:
Search for renewed purpose in life, clarity of goals and dreams, positive
changes in relationships with others and yourself, changes in perspective,
taking on new challenges, sense of peace and connectedness.
 
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Discover the normal process of reacting to loss, the emotional and physical reactions to grief, and strategies to navigate through grief effectively. Explore the connection between grief, survivor guilt, and personal growth as presented by registered psychotherapist Carly Fleming, M.Ed.

  • Grief
  • Loss
  • Therapy
  • Coping
  • Healing

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  1. Living with Grief and Loss Presented by: Carly Fleming, M.Ed., RP Registered Psychotherapist everwell Integrated Health Professionals

  2. Plan for this presentation What is grief? What/whom are you grieving for? Let s share What do I do with my grief? Let s share Meaning-making activity What are the barriers to grieving? What if you want to explore this further? Grief and personal growth 2

  3. Definition of grief Grief is the normal process of reacting to a loss. The loss may be physical (such as a death, loss of health/function), social (such as loss of friends), or occupational (such as a job). Emotional reactions of grief can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair. Physical reactions of grief can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems, or illness. 3

  4. Grief is real No one escapes it! Grief is totally normal but sometimes it masks as other things. It can look like anger, sadness, numbness, irritability, etc, etc. What does grief FEEL like for you? Group brainstorm 4

  5. What/whom are you grieving for? Someone who died? Something you used to have but you don t have anymore? A future that you imagined? Group sharing How is grief related to survivor guilt? 5

  6. What to do with your grief Don t be afraid of it Many people are afraid that if they let the feelings of grief in, it will be all consuming and they won t be able to get out of it. In my experience, the only time that grief becomes all consuming is when it s hidden away. Invite it in You can set aside time to think about your losses. You can make sure you take care of yourself and ask others to help take care of you so you can invite your grief in. When grief sneaks up on you, you can say hello to it and acknowledge it instead of reacting by pushing it away. Recognize it Can you look underneath your anger? Your impatience? Your tearfulness? Your feelings of survivor guilt? Maybe underneath there is grief that is looking to be expressed. 6

  7. What to do with your grief Express it Emotion seeks expression. When feelings aren t expressed they get stuck inside us. When feelings are stuck, all sorts of negative things can happen (for example, an over-reliance on numbing activities, use of substances, emotional walls being put up, etc.) Understand it When we understand our feelings, even if they get really intense, they aren t as scary and all consuming. If you understand that you are grieving, you can take steps to take care of yourself. Cherish it Your grief is an expression of your love, your hope, and part of your authentic self. It s meaningful and provides important connection to what/who you ve lost. 7

  8. What to do with your grief Express it! What are some ways we can express our grief? Brainstorm together Making Meaning Pebbles and petals activity 8

  9. What are the barriers to grieving? Parents/family members want to protect you from emotional pain Cultural focus on positivity look on the bright side , cheering people up Natural human instinct to avoid pain Fear of being overwhelmed by grief Other people s avoidance of things they don t want to think about Lack of experience in welcoming difficult emotions, lack of coping skills Any other barriers? 9

  10. Grief is the reflection of the connection lost. We think we want to avoid the grief, but really it is the pain of the loss we want to avoid. Grief is the healing process that ultimately brings us comfort in our pain. Kubler-Ross, Kessler 10

  11. Want to explore grief further? Ask a close friend or family member if you can talk to them about your grief (don t wait for them to ask you). Help educate them about what grief is and the need for you to share it with them. Talk to other survivors they get it and you ll be helping them too. Find a local or online grief counsellor (if you have insurance benefits). Grief groups? Write your grief / Journal your grief courses online. 11

  12. When grief gets complicated Sometimes grief gets complicated it can lead to depression or anxiety that you can t manage alone. Talk to your doctor. Sometimes you feel traumatized by what you ve gone through experiencing trauma can make grief very complicated. Seek out a therapist who can help you make sense of what you ve gone through so you can grieve in healthy ways. Send me an email and I can help you decide what your options are if you need more support. carly@everwellhamilton.ca 12

  13. Grief and personal growth Personal growth is only possible in conjunction with inviting, understanding, and expressing your grief. By itself, a focus on personal growth through loss can be another barrier to grieving. Ways that grief helps us to grow: Search for renewed purpose in life, clarity of goals and dreams, positive changes in relationships with others and yourself, changes in perspective, taking on new challenges, sense of peace and connectedness. 13

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