Challenges of Fear and Rejection in Human Relationships

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The fear of rejection can control us, leading to feelings of worthlessness when we seek acceptance from others. Various scenarios, from social events to professional roles, illustrate how fear of rejection impacts individuals differently. The discussion questions prompt self-reflection on past experiences of rejection.

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Closely related to the fear that people will expose us is perhaps the most common reason we are controlled by other people: they can reject, ridicule, or despise us (rejection-fear). They don t invite us to the party. They ignore us. They don t like us. They aren t pleased with us. They withhold the acceptance, love, or significance we want from them. As a result, we feel worthless. - Ed Welch, When People Are Big and God is Small

Remember what a life of unquietness and continual vexation you choose, if you place your peace or happiness in the good will or word of man. For having showed you how impossible a task you undertake, it must follow that the pursuit of it must be a life of torment. To engage yourselves in so great cares, when you are sure to be disappointed; to make that your end, which you cannot attain; to find that you labour in vain, and daily meet with displeasure instead of the favour you expected; must needs be a very grievous life

You are like one that dwelleth on the top of a mountain, and yet cannot endure the wind to blow upon him; or like him that dwelleth in a wood, and yet is afraid of the shaking of a leaf. You dwell among a world of ulcerated, selfish, contradictory, mutable, unpleasable minds, and yet you cannot endure their displeasure. Are you magistrates? The people will murmur at you, and those that are most incompetent and incapable will be the forwardest to censure you, and think that they could govern much better than you

Those that bear the necessary burdens of the common safety and defence, will say that you oppress them, and the malefactors that are punished, will say you deal unmercifully by them; and those that have a cause never so unjust, will say you wrong them, if it go not on their side. Are you pastors and teachers? You will seem too rough to one, and too smooth to another; yea, too rough to the same man when by reproof or censure you correct his faults, who censureth you as too smooth and a friend to sinners, when you are to deal in the cause of others. No sermon that you preach is like to be pleasing to all your hearers; nor any of your ministerial works. Are you lawyers? The clients that lost their cause, behind your backs will call you unconscionable, and say you betrayed them; and those that prevailed, will call you covetous, and tell how much money you took of them, and how little you did for it: so that it is no wonder that among the vulgar your profession is the matter of their reproach. Richard Baxter, Directions against Inordinate Man-pleasing

DISCUSSION QUESTION: WHAT ARE SOME WAYS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED IN THE PAST?

I. HOW DO WE MANIFEST FEAR THAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL REJECT US? a) Personality/traits b) Fishing for Compliments Proverbs 25:27, It is not good to each much honey, nor is it glory to search out one s own glory. c) Perfectionism d) Going along with the crowd

I. HOW DO WE MANIFEST FEAR THAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL REJECT US? e) We fail to share the gospel. Sometimes we would prefer to die for Jesus than to live for him however, if making a decision for Jesus means that we might spend years being unpopular, ignored, poor, or criticized, then there are masses of Christians who temporarily put their faith on the shelf. In other words kill me, but don t keep me from being liked, appreciated, or respected. Aren t the most popular mission trips the ones that take us far from our own neighborhood? Russia is easy, our own neighborhood is a constant challenge. f) We don t confront sin.

I. HOW DO WE MANIFEST FEAR THAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL REJECT US? g) Our passivity towards others. h) Speech

DISCUSSION QUESTION: HOW DO WE SEE THE FEAR OF REJECTION IN OUR CULTURE AND IN OUR OWN LIVES?

LESSON 4: LESSON 4: THE FEAR OF THE FEAR OF REJECTION REJECTION www.ebcwindsor.com/fom

II. HOW FEARING REJECTION AND CRAVING APPROVAL HARMS US 1. It enslaves us. Lou Priolo, Being a people-pleaser is like having a little handle on your back that others can grab hold of to push you and pull you in all directions. 2. The love for praise actually undermines our receiving it. Lou Priolo, Those from whom you long to receive honor, and those whom you desire to impress, will eventually be offended (if not repulsed) by the pride that generates your lust.

II. HOW FEARING REJECTION AND CRAVING APPROVAL HARMS US 3. Heavenly rewards are lost. (1 Corinthians 3:10-15) 4. Results in blindness to sin. 5. Susceptibility to being ensnared by flattery and deceit. 6. Makes us susceptible to other sins: hypocrisy, discontentment, greed, timidity, unteachability, indecision. 7. Physical and psychological toll: stomach problems, stress and tension, headaches, fatigue, depression, mood shifts.

III. HOW PRIDE FUELS OUR FEAR OF REJECTION 1. Pride can cause us to distort our sins and faults. 2. Pride tempts us to elicit praise from others. 3. Pride causes us to misapply the praise and critique we receive. 4. Pride tempts us to overvalue strengths and minimize weaknesses or sins. 5. Pride tempts us to change our behavior, not seek a changed heart. 6. Pride tempts us to dismiss confrontation over sin.

DISCUSSION QUESTION: WHAT ARE OTHER WAYS YOU SEE PRIDE FUELING FEAR OF MAN IN YOUR LIFE?

IV. WHEN IS IT APPROPRIATE TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE? 1. It is appropriate to desire to please others, so long as that desire is not greater than our love for God, and our desire to obey Him. Proverbs 15:33, The fear of the LORD is instruction in widsom, and humility comes before honour. 2. As much as needed for gospel ministry and proclamation. 1 Timothy 3:7, Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

IV. WHEN IS IT APPROPRIATE TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE? 3. In relation to respecting parents and authorities. 4. In marriage it is right to please your spouse. The Greek word used in verse 33, which is translated to please, is a word that has several nuances of meaning. Its root means to fit in with. It can also mean to conform, to adapt, to satisfy, to soften one s heart to, to meet with one s approval or to accommodate. The word implies a pre-existing relationship between the one doing the pleasing and the one being pleased. While an unmarried Christian should have his mind focused almost exclusively on how he may please the Lord, the attention of a married Christian must be focused not only on pleasing the Lord, but also on pleasing their spouse. The Bible assumes that all married persons will have their interests divided between pleasing Christ, which is always top priority, and pleasing their spouses. 5. It is right to deny yourself for the sake of not offending.

V. FEAR OF REJECTION IN SCRIPTURE 1. Fear of rejection is idolatry. 2. Tendency to treat people with partiality. Deuteronomy 1:17, Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike. Do not be afraid of any man, for judgment belongs to God. 3. The Jewish leaders fear being rejected by man, more than God. See John 12:42-43.

V. FEAR OF REJECTION IN SCRIPTURE 4. The Christian grows to fear the opinions and approval of others less and less, as they grow in the grace and knowledge of God. 1 Corinthians 2:15, The spiritual man makes judgments about all things but he himself is not subject to any man s judment. 5. Peter at Antioch with the Jews. When Peter came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong. Before certain men came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But when they arrived, he began to draw back and separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group.

V. FEAR OF REJECTION IN SCRIPTURE 6. Aaron facilitating and encouraging the people s idolatry with the golden calf. Exodus 32 7. Pilate before the crowd. Mark 15:15, Wanting to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. He had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

VI. JESUS WAS (AND IS) REJECTED BY MAN. 1. Jesus was rejected by man, so that we would not be rejected by God. 2. Because of the rejection Jesus endured, any rejection we face in our life is temporal. 3. We have received the greatest approval and acceptance we will ever need in Christ. Ephesians 2 4. Jesus can replace our insufficient fears of other people with a robust and complete fear of Him.