Understanding Temperamental Differences in Gender Dynamics

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Exploring the physical, physiological, mental, and emotional disparities between men and women to navigate relationships successfully. Addressing temperament as the foundational template shaped by natural strengths and tendencies, while character is molded by external influences.

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FROM FRIENDSHIP TOWARDS RELATIONSHIP: TEMPERAMENTAL ISSUES IN FOCUS PROV 30:11-14

. Differences between man and woman: Physical, physiological, mental and sexual Physical difference: seen in appearance; shape and mode of dressing. There is the need to acknowledge the physical differences as well as the physical weaknesses. Men ought to be gentle. Physiological difference: the hormonal changes and how to relate with the woman. The physiological difference affects the woman during pregnancy and child birth. The woman has soft spots and should be noted: her menstrual cycle and menopausal stage should be noted and acknowledged. Social difference: generally and morally, women are reserved, inward, and courteous. Men on the other hand are outward, except men who are cowards and were bred indoors.

. Emotional stability: men are more emotionally stable than women; this makes men the head of the house. In difficult and traumatic periods, the man should be able to absorb the pains and encourage the rest of the family. Women are emotionally attached to things that have to do with them. Mental faculty: women are sharper than men; fast thinkers. They don t take decisions hastily. They reflect on issues before taking decisions. Women are very careful, they are slow in taking risks. Spiritual difference: the man is the spiritual head of the house and the woman, the chaplain. Women are more receptive draw more from God. However, men who get time to pray more are more matured than women. The woman is spiritually stable but the man is the spiritual giant.

. The temperament is the basic template with which God created you: natural strength, tendencies and weakness Temperament is God s method of creating variety People are born with natural tendencies of Joviality, leadership and flow Other are born with emotional attachment and restrictions The blends of our temperaments makes every two people different

. Character which is different from temperament is the personality which is a product of your influencing factors on your life including external factors Character= Personality + External influences External Influences= parental upbringing, education, training, friends, church, background, bible, community. So everyone can have a good character because Character can be molded due to the varying influences eg the word of God and preaching and good training

. #every person is however born with some inherent characters The Greek Physician (Hippocrates- 46- 370BC) who is often called the father of medicine proposed a theory called the the Humoral Theory to explain the reason for individual differences The Humoral theory held that the body contains four humors or fluids: yellow bile- choleric, black bile melancholics, phlem-phlegmatic, blood sanguis.

. Each of these groups was considered the outcome of an excess of one of these fluids, that produces in turn an imbalance in impaired qualities The Choleric people are though to have excess yellow bile, the outcome was that they had were tempered and irritable

. #The melancholics were held to have an excess of black bile which made them gloomy and pessimistic #The phlegmatic who were believed to contain excess phlegm were sluggish, calm and unexcitable #The sanguine were though to have excess amount of blood which made them cheerful and enthusiastic

. #after 2000 years the humory theory was discredited on the grounds that it was wrong that everyone would consiust of just one type of temperament. It was proposed that everyone had a combination of at leaset two temperament Allport also proposed that one should look for triats inherent in an individual as the best way to describe the person Cattell also came out with 12 primary source traits that were the corner stone on which personality uis built. For Cattell, these traits are the primary factors underlying observable behaviors

. Ernest Kretschmer and carl Gustav Jung proposed the division of humans into extraversion and introversion. This brought about introverts (seek people and company) and introverts (avoiding compnay and social life) Eysenck brought about the three factor theory of extraversion, neroticism and psychotism. extraversion refers to people who are outgoing in nature and have high levels of activity. The opposite is introversion Neuroticism refers to nature that is full of anxiety, worries and guilt. The opposite is emotional stability Psychotism refers to people who are aggressive, ego centric antisocial people. The opposite is self control

. #P.T. Costa and R.R. McCrae came out with the 5-factor mode theory Openness to experience Conscientiousness: Extraversion Agreeableness Neuroticism

. #Ole Hallesby (Norweigien) and Tim Lahaye (USA) Looked at the 4 temperaments Temperament was therefore defined as the souls essential response to its surrounding It is a combination of inborn traits that sub consciously affects man s behavior Temperament is a set of positive and negative tendencies towards a specified mode of behavior which one is born with.

. SANGUINE Easy to pick in a group (popular), cheerful, happy go-lucky, carefree, moved by things around them, love people who come across them and embrace them but they are talkative person. Strength of Sanguine Friendly, outgoing, warm, lively, caring, sociable, happy, sympathetic, open hearted, helpful, generous, fun-loving, light-hearted, pleasure-oriented, lives in present, frank, expresses emotions freely, forgives easily, apologizes quickly. They are good in business and receptive He is nicknamed life of party : makes every gathering exciting.

. Weakness of Sanguine: They seem bold outward but fearful/ coward inward Thery are unstable and likely to repeat mistakes, faults and failure constantly Unpredictable, Undependable forgets promises easily, Can be loving one minute and explode in anger the next, weak- willed, morally weak, flexible conscience Loud, talks too much, overdresses, frivolous, some can eat too much. Disorganized, superficial, not serious, copies fashion blindly, restless, na ve, childish, not analytical, clumsy, greedy, copies blindly (follower of crowd),

. Weakness of Sanguine: Idilish, not analytical, clumsy, greedy, copies blindly (follower of crowd), Worldly, liar, exaggerates, noisy, undisciplined, ego centric, boastful. Wallows in self glory. In terms of money, they are unable to account for money very well. They don t use it on themselves but impulse and emergency issue Peter was a typical sanguine he can talk and even rebuke Jesus. Matt 16:15-20, 21-23; John 6:69-71; David is also a typical sanguine. 2 Sam 11 David and Bersheba, he attracts a large followers, 2 sam 15

. Sanguine in Marriage Many Chances are open to the sanguine but the best partner is the Melancholic. They bring orderliness into balance What to from a sanguine spouse: Be ready to receive a lot of friends, unplanned events Be ready to handle unfulfilled promises Be ready to live in a world where you won t have maximum attention. Be ready to live in a world where you can hardly meet means economically. Have a listening ear than a talking mouth. Be ready to have noisy home

. How to manage sanguine relationship/ marriage: Manage their social lives look at things that will help keep them home and clump them home Help them re-organize their lives: socially spiritually and economically Be interested in their businesses and take keen interest in the performance of their businesses on a daily and weekly basis. They eat a lot because of their numerous friends wanting to please them. Take keen interest in their eating habits. Manage their dressing, especially when they are fashionable. Keep a diary on their behalf to help them, especially things with the family, work. Take keen interest in their finances to help them meet their earns means. Take interest in men and women who take interest in them. Be strong enough to discipline spouse when they lie or boast, and it s not true.

. Choleric Powerful, he is dynamic, forceful, hardworking, strong-willed type of person. They thrives on activity and has natural leadership qualities. He is full of plans and ideas. Strength of Choleric Natural leadership qualities, strong will power, hardworking, purposeful knows where he is going, tireless worker, confident, bold, courageous, keen minded fast thinker; assertive, productive and pragmatic Motivator of others, makes impact on others, does not waver in the presence of difficulties (obstacles strengthen him). Independent, determined, good organizer can get things done, optimistic, hopeful, achiever, firm, good disciplinarian.

. Weakness of Choleric Hard, inconsiderate, revengeful, crafty, sarcastic, Proud, bossy, hostile, arrogant, gruff manners, makes decision for others, Cold not friendly, quarrelsome, unapologetic, unforgiving, hot-tempered Opportunist, bullish, abusive, stubborn, looks down on other Domineering, impatient, sly, unsympathetic, cruel, intolerant. Hard to please, narrow in view,

. Choleric in Marriage They seem to be the christians who are loyal and observe church rules. They can propose and cancel and propose again. In marriage the choleric husband is not the happy person to live with, they like argument using sarcastic words on the wife to hurt you. They can beat their wiffe and children sometimes with their hands If you marry a choleric wife who is not a Christian, it is very difficult to convert her A non-Christian choleric husband may not allow the wife to come to church. Disobedience can lead to divorce

. Choleric in Relationship/ Marriage They take decisions without the other partner. They may not necessarily care about Social and emotional needs. They are full of egocentrism and prude They wouldn t want to be challenged. Forgets about democracy, constructive decision making Life in the home is dull and is full of work, office issues in the house. There is hardly leisure and pleasure Run ahead of time futuristic They find it very difficult to forgive when you offend them They also find it very difficult to apologies even when they are wrong When Christians, they love the things of God and church but not romantic

. Be tactical in approach even when he/she is wrong. Start criticism with praises, See how to flow with them. Try to manage their visions and future plans, they tend to be boisterous, thy could have huge plans and ideas May end up being bullish on children and spouse since they are disciplinarians. Be careful on how to handle them since the house can always be on fire. They are unapologetic don t be expectant on apologies, try to manage apologies when they don t come. They will always end up referring you to history since they are unforgiving, even, the history of your relatives. Be careful how to manage such issues. Due to their domineering nature, they would always want to receive attention being it at home or in the public place and may forget introducing you. Don t be hurt in such situations. Use a friendly means of drawing their attention. In cases where you are from a well to do family, note and be ready that your spouse can exploit it at his/her advantage. Manage such circumstances wisely. Due to their independence and their unconsulting nature, they may acquire properties without your knowledge. Endeavor to make yourself a part owner of such properties. You need to be quizzing and enquiring and nosy sometimes. Involve yourself in his/her businesses, even though you might not be invited...

. Paul was typical Choleric Elisha was a Choleric

. Melancholy: the Perfect man/ Woman Gentle, quiet, reserved, shy, sensitive and brilliant. Often gifted in many ways. This is the richest of all the temperaments. Very creative people and geniuses are of this temperament. Melancholies often appear gloomy, moody and depressed; hence they are nicknamed the black or dark temperaments . Their search for perfection becomes a burden on their lives. They live in the past and future world and not the present world and hence very disappointed in things today They have contributed a lot to modern science and technology, love of art, and music.

. Strengths: Imaginative, detailed, analytical, creative, intelligent, deep thinker, Sensitive quick to notice the plight and concerns of others; self-sacrificial, considerate, sensitive to needs and feelings of others, compassionate Perfectionist, loyal, faithful friend, self-cautious, respectful, thoughtful, know their limitation, have self control and very faithful They hardly express their emotions, Good planner, well-organized, schedulers, principled, well-behaved, particular about manners, academician.

. Weaknesses: Self centered, revengeful, nurses grudges Unexcitable, moody, gloomy, negative, touchy, idealistic Suspicious, jealous lover, critical, grumble, professional worrier, poor self- image, insecure, Resentful, timid, indecisive, pessimistic, hates opposition, do not change opinions formed on issues Entertains persecution, sensitive to what others think of him/her.

. Friendships and Marriage life of the Melancholic They find it difficult to choose partners They usually do not meet that perfect partner they want quickly is they reject a lot of suitors. In the relationship they like nagging and complaining Very organized on their life, home, They also find it difficult to observe the good things done by their partners

. What to expect from melancholic relationship/spouse: Have the most faithful and loyal friend in your house. You have the most reliable planner and organizer in your house House will be very quiet. Will always be met by a moody face, Difficult to please, finds fault with everything Spouse who analyses situations beyond what you think. You have the most suspicious person in your house with every na ve move. You have the challenge of self - motivating your spouse

. How to manage melancholic spouse: Be careful with the kind of gift you buy for them. They may end upp not being appreciative. Take time to discover what interests them to help them become active in the house. Do a lot of talking to bring out what s in them. Be ready to talk for a whole day and receive few responses. Since they are jealous, be very careful of association with the opposite sex. Since spouse could be suspicious, be quick to unearth their thoughts when you see them behaving in a weird way. You may have a lot of challenge in getting spouse to associate with your relatives, because of their timid nature. It may seem to your relatives that he/she is unfriendly. Give a positive image of them before others. Knowing they are professional worriers, avoid activities that will cause them to think and sink into oblivion. Knowing they hate opposition, be careful of some teases, since this could bring up grudges. Avoid looking down on the person Exploit strengths of spouse in the organization of events, coordination of activities when there are special events. Engage them to help with reading assignments.

. Moses was typical melancholic, Elijah Melancholic- Choleric John the Apostle

. Phlegmatic (Peaceful) Calm, easy-going, very quiet person who seldom looks disturbed. Phlegmatic keeps their emotions under control, hardly getting angry or irritable. Gentle and soft spoken, they seldom get excited. They accept life as it comes and hardly get involved. They are nicknamed spectators of life . They take their time over things and seem to think there is no need to hurry in life. Strengths: Tolerant, Gentle, peace maker, they are even headed (equitable) liberal, humble, likeable smiles, well-mannered, pleasant, peace loving, tolerant, very patient, good natured, diplomatic, easy to get along with, well- organized, reserved, not abrasive, kind-hearted, sympathetic.

. Weaknesses: Slow, sluggish, stingy, indecisive, timid, unassertive not firm, passive unmotivated, procrastinator Satisfied with routine, dodges issues, indifferent, inexpressive, withdraws into shell when confronted, quitter easily gives up, weak disciplinarian, abdicates responsibility, keeps a lot to himself hardly shares himself. They are cold and lazy, teasers, selfish they sometimes are mean

. Friendships and Marriage life of the Phlegmatic They not attract a lot of people as singles, so most of them marry at old age They are able to stay long time without sex I n relationship they are careless about issues relating to their home and when they marry in relation to their spouse and children. As a wife, they are seen as lazy and careless wit unwashed clothed and bowls. They find it difficult to start work but once they start, they are determined to completed As diplomats, they are the most comfortable temperament to live with. Abraham is a typical Phlegmatic

. What to expect from phlegmatic spouse: Be ready to live with spouse who may not have plans for the future. Look out for spouse who needs a lot of push to make things happen. Since they are unconcerned about life, nothing good or bad in life seems to be a worry to them. The advantage is that they are gentle, very forgiving, tolerant, very peaceful. They have gifts of settling very difficult situations, thorny issues between factions with diplomatic nature. Watch out for quiet and gloomy home sometimes, since spouse mostly withdraw into shells. Assume a talkative nature to keep house lively. Be someone who will always keep them on their toes in relation to business, academics, and all life prospect.

. Managing Phlegmatic spouse: Periodically request his/her visions for life as this will make them focus. Since they are spectators of life, and not moved by situations around, a lot of work will depend on you to keep your family on the social ladder. Since they are weak disciplinarians, the upbringing of children mostly depend on you. You may have to keep spouse involved in family activities by assigning them special responsibilities. Since they are slow, stingy and lazy, a greater responsibility of the family and business will depend on you. Their indecisive and procrastinating nature, will cause them to abandon a lot of future plans, especially when their boats run into a storm. Avoid the unpleasant nature of unnecessarily rebuking them. Since they hardly share problems, they need to have a lot of greater responsibility of thinking for them and publicly projecting them.