Understanding the Concept of Marriage in Islam
Marriage in Islam is viewed as a religious duty, moral safeguard, and social necessity. It's a means of establishing families and engaging in intimate relationships within the boundaries set by Islam. This article delves into the objectives, criteria for choosing a spouse, preparation procedures, and the significance of marriage in Islam.
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Topics Concept of marriage from Islamic perspective Objective and purpose of marriage Meaning of mawaddah wa rahmah wa sakan Criteria in choosing a spouse Preparation and procedure of marriage Engagement Legal documentations Marriage sermon
CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman".
Cont------------ It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.
Cont------- Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations, it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.
Marriage: Goals, Objectives and Purposes: Definition The original meaning of the word nikah is the physical relationship between man and woman. It is also used secondarily to refer to the contract of marriage which makes that relationship lawful.
Cont------------- A contract that results in the two parties physically enjoying each other in the manner allowed by the Shari'ah." A contract that results in the man and woman living with each other and supporting each other within the limits of what has been laid down for them in terms of rights and obligation.
Cont--------- It is a mutual contract between a man and a woman whose goal is for each to enjoy the other, become a pious family and a sound society."
The Purpose and Goals of Marriage Like anything a Muslim does, marriage should only be undertaken after gaining an understanding of all that Allah has prescribed in terms of rights and obligations as well as gaining an understanding of the wisdom behind this institution.
Cont--------- The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.
Cont---- Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.
Cont----------- Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.
Cont---------- 1) consent of both parties. 2) Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride. 3) Witnesses- 2 male or 4 female. 4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.
Primary Requirements Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom Two adult and sane witnesses Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both
Secondary Requirements Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony) Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage
Cont------------ A Muslim should not engage in something as important as marriage without having understanding of the purpose of marriage in Islam as well as a comprehensive understanding of the rights and obligations which it brings about.
Procreation (Children) One of the most important purposes of marriage is to continue and increase the population of the Muslims. Clearly, this goal could be achieved without marriage, but when actions are undertaken in disobedience to Allah, they do not receive the blessing of Allah and the whole society is corrupted.
Cont------- It should be stressed that the goal is not simply to produce any child that will live in the next generation. It is to produce righteous children who will be obedient to Allah and who will be a source of reward for their parents after they die.
Meaning of mawaddah wa rahmah wa sakan Tranquility (sakan), love (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah) are very important concepts in Islam. These three summarize the ideals of Islamic marriage. It is the duty of the husband and wife to see that they are a source of comfort and tranquility for each other.
Criteria in choosing a spouse The Prophet, , pointed out the decisive factors on which basis people choose a wife and guided us to what the best is in that regard, when he said: A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her noble ancestry, her beauty and her religion. So win the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser. [Al-Bukhari] This stresses that if we overlook the religious aspect and pursue only attractiveness, riches or noble lineage, we would lose out, indicating we did not aim high enough.
Steps for Islamic Marriage 1. The first ingredient is the "wali" (nearest relative to the lady, such as her father or brother if the father is unable to perform the task) or "wakil" (imam or appointed guardian to act on behalf of the best interests of the lady). It is his job to help find and interview the background of any potential suitor for the lady.
Cont----------- 2. After selecting the proper young man, there is an appointment scheduled for the two of them to meet (under chaperoned supervision) to discuss their possible future together. 3. After the initial meeting, both of them are to pray to Allah in the form of salat known as "salatul istakharah" for guidance. If this is not done, it does not invalidate the marriage, but it is something that will really help both of them in their future
Cont------------- 4. If both of them recognized positive signs from the "salatul istakharah" then they would proceed to make the "nikah" (marriage contract). This again is done under supervision with two witnesses. It is usually attended by an imam or knowledgeable person in Islam, just so that there will be no mistakes in taking care of the details.
Cont--------- 5. The mahr (dowry) is presented and the lady is asked if she is prepared to accept this mahr and be married to this man. This is usually repeated three times in front of the witnesses, but at least one acknowledgment from the lady is necessary to proceed. 6. The women would then sign the nikah document in front of the witnesses.
Cont------------- 7. The witnesses (usually two) would sign and attest that they had been present at the nikah and did witness the acceptance by the lady of the offer of marriage by the man. The imam might also sign, but this does not affect the validity of the marriage. Any two adult Muslims may witness the document. In the case of women witnesses, it is correct to have two in place of one. If there were to be two witnesses, but one is a woman, then it would be correct to have a man and two women sign the document.
Cont---------- 8. After the acceptance of the lady, the signing of the nikah (document), witnessing of the two witnesses and exchange of mahr, the man and the women are considered legal in Islam to live together and be together as man and wife and to have sex. However, until they actually consummate the marriage (i.e., have intercourse) they may cancel the marriage, and the mahr would be returned back to the man.
Cont--------- 9. After the signing of the marriage document, and the acceptance of the bride of the 'mahr' (dowry), and the signing of the two witnesses, the groom is free to take his bride at anytime he chooses. There is no waiting, if that is what you are implying. As regards any kind of a deadline, this would be according to the contract. If the lady or the gentleman has specified that for whatever reasons, if they are not able to be living together by such and such a date, then the mahr could be returned back to the man and the woman and man would be considered not married (unless of course, if they had consummated the marriage by having sex together).
Cont-------- 10. If the groom is unable or unwilling to take the bride after an extended period of time and she or he would like to annul the marriage, they would simply let the other person know and cause the mahr to be returned to the groom. NOTE: This is all based on the fact that although they have a contract for marriage (nikah) it is not considered completed until after they consummate (have sex). Once that has happened, they are married and the only way for them to no longer be married would be through divorce (khula or lian or talaq).
Engagement The engagement is the period of time between when the man and woman agree to get married and the occurrence of the wedding ceremony itself. A wedding is not the same thing as marriage either. The wedding is the formal ceremony that makes the marriage official. Marriage is the period of time after the wedding ceremony when the couple usually lives together.
Cont---------- We must know that even if we are engaged to someone we are not allowed to meet with that person in private unless we have something righteous to discuss with them. Sexual relationship is not allowed until after the wedding. A sexual friendship or arrangement before marriage will be considered adultery, a gross sin in Islam.
Legal Documentations Nikhaah is basically a verbal agreement between a man and a woman done in front of witnesses that they will live, love, honor, and respect one another as husband and wife. The only reason today it is documented is that one needs this documentation to make further papers like registration, passports, identity cards, etc. A verbal Nikaah done in front of witnesses is just as valid and legal in the sight of Shariah.
Cont--------- The Mehr too is a verbal proposal by the groom and acceptance by the bride, and does not have to be documented. If a believer gives his word, then that will be considered his bond. But today, it is a standard practice that the Mehr amount is documented on the Nikaah forms, and there is absolutely no harm in doing so.
Cont--------- The witnesses are not required by Shariah to sign anything indicating that they observed the Nikaah, for the Nikaah to be valid. They simply have to be present and have witnessed the Nikaah proceedings physically for the Nikaah to be considered legal and valid in the sight of Shariah. But if they do sign, as is the norm today, there is absolutely no harm.
Cont--------- If one writes or documents the Nikaah, the Mehr and the signatures of the witnesses, it would be better for the protection of all parties concerned. But if one does the Nikaah verbally, it will be considered absolutely legal in the sight of Shariah.
Marriage Sermon The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations. Prophet Muhammad (S) considered simple weddings the best weddings:
Cont----------- Marriage sermon is an opportunity for people to attend and join the happy occasion and give their blessings to the couple about to be married. It is also an opportunity to become a witness to the spiritual sanctity of the life the two people are to embark on after their marriage. Additionally, it also provides an opportunity for advising the two couple in love as they embark on the journey as husband and wife.
