Raising MKs - Apostolic Counseling for Families

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APOSTOLIC CHRISTIAN
COUNSELING AND FAMILY SERVICES
 
877-370-9988
 
 
 
Raising MKs
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Biblical
Theme
 
 
 
 
“And, ye fathers, provoke
not your children to
wrath: but bring them up
in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord.”
 
 
 
-Ephesians 6:4
 
 
Seminar Purpose
 
To raise awareness of common challenges and
opportunities for parents raising third-culture kids
 
 To promote communication within the family
throughout the transition experience
 
To strengthen family unity and call to service
 
 
 
Content Sections
 
1
Understanding Expectations
2
Communication
3
Launching
4
Long Term Impacts
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Understanding
Expectations
 
Expectations from Others
 
Common pressures felt by MKs
1.
Be perfect or else you are interfering with your
parents’ work
2.
When you get close to someone, they leave
3.
No grace for your actions
4.
Can’t show weakness or unhappiness
5.
Fear of judgment
6.
Can’t have nice things
 
Recognize Challenges
 
Child’s experiences are not going to be the same as
yours growing up in the States
Be a Learner!
 
Recognize that your child may experience
developmental “lags” or “growth spurts”
Example: Teen may appear very spiritually mature
but not understand how to interact with a boy her
age
 
Expectations from Parents
 
Self-Sufficiency
Children can’t raise themselves on the mission field
Prioritize time together
 
Family Roles
Examples: Hero, Scapegoat, Mascot, Lost Child…
 
Discipline Techniques
Take cultural differences into consideration
 
 
 
To Think About…
 
1.
Are there any unfair expectations that you place on
your children?  Do you observe any roles that have
emerged within your family?
 
 
2.
How will your expectations shift as you move to the
mission field?
undefined
 
 
Communication
 
Communicate and Learn
 
Build understanding of what is normal and how
each family member reacts
Practice openness
Acknowledge feelings but don’t let them dictate
Address needs to feel valued, special, protected,
comforted
Balance of instruction, correction and information
time
Don’t be afraid to ask for advice
 
 
Activities
 
Family Building Plan discussion guides
Family meetings
Emotion faces and intensity
Worry Box
Hula hoops- what we can and can’t control
Three Views exercise- build understanding of self-
worth
Letter to future self
Get moving
 
 
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ACTS
 
 
A
 
 
Awesome
- What are some
 
miracles I’ve seen?  What
 
is something I have
 
learned or unlearned?
 
C 
 
 
Concerns
- What are my
 
fears?  What isn’t going my
 
way?
 
T
 
 
Thankfulness
- What is
 
something I’m thankful 
 
for?
  
S
 
Service
- What are some
 
things I am going to try 
 
to
 
change?
undefined
 
 
“Being”
Before
“Doing”
undefined
 
 
Launching
undefined
 
 
It may feel
like they
look like
this…
 
Growing up is Hard to Do…
 
Mentorship- sounding board outside the home
 
Be aware of limitations on the field that their peers
aren’t experiencing
 
Recognize differences in personality between
yourself and your teen
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully
made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul
knoweth right well. 
Psalm 139:14
 
 
Growing up is Hard to Do…
 
Recognize that your child’s mission may not be the
same as yours
 
Learn what healthy differentiation is and allow
them to differentiate from the family
 
Recognize that challenges your child may be going
through will and SHOULD impact your service on
the field
 
Stay connected to the States so they have a sense of
home
 
 
undefined
 
 
Long Term Impacts
undefined
 
What would be other potential
impacts?
 
Long Term
Impacts
Sense of
Identity
Feelings of
not
belonging
anywhere
Trust
levels in
relationships
 
 
Chasing Sea Monsters
 
“During the fifteen century, Portuguese explorers slowly
made their way around Africa to India.  Their early maps
accurately showed the contours of the West African
coast.  Beyond that, the maps went sketchy or blank and
sometimes filled the unknown with sea monsters.  If we
are not sure of what is out there, we tend to ignore it or
to avoid it.  As the maps were extended and filled in, the
sea monsters faded away, and others traveled with more
boldness and confidence.”
 
Adapted from The Family in Mission, p. 32.
 
Resources
 
missionarycare.org
, Ron and Bonnie Koteskey
Third Culture Kids
, 
by David Pollock and Ruth Van
Reken
www.accounseling.org
, ACCFS
 
For your kids:
A Kids’ Guide to Living Abroad
,  by Martine Zoer
Search for Significance
, by Robert McGee
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Challenges faced by missionary kids (MKs) and their families, promote communication, and strengthen unity. Understand expectations, recognize challenges, & consider family roles."

  • Family counseling
  • Third-culture kids
  • Communication
  • Challenges
  • Unity

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  1. Raising MKs APOSTOLIC CHRISTIAN COUNSELING AND FAMILY SERVICES 877-370-9988 WWW.ACCOUNSELING.ORG

  2. Biblical Theme And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. -Ephesians 6:4

  3. Seminar Purpose To raise awareness of common challenges and opportunities for parents raising third-culture kids To promote communication within the family throughout the transition experience To strengthen family unity and call to service

  4. Content Sections Understanding Expectations 1 2 Communication 3 Launching 4 Long Term Impacts

  5. Understanding Expectations

  6. Expectations from Others Common pressures felt by MKs 1. Be perfect or else you are interfering with your parents work 2. When you get close to someone, they leave 3. No grace for your actions 4. Can t show weakness or unhappiness 5. Fear of judgment 6. Can t have nice things

  7. Recognize Challenges Child s experiences are not going to be the same as yours growing up in the States Be a Learner! Recognize that your child may experience developmental lags or growth spurts Example: Teen may appear very spiritually mature but not understand how to interact with a boy her age

  8. Expectations from Parents Self-Sufficiency Children can t raise themselves on the mission field Prioritize time together Family Roles Examples: Hero, Scapegoat, Mascot, Lost Child Discipline Techniques Take cultural differences into consideration

  9. To Think About Are there any unfair expectations that you place on your children? Do you observe any roles that have emerged within your family? 1. 2. How will your expectations shift as you move to the mission field?

  10. Communication

  11. Communicate and Learn Build understanding of what is normal and how each family member reacts Practice openness Acknowledge feelings but don t let them dictate Address needs to feel valued, special, protected, comforted Balance of instruction, correction and information time Don t be afraid to ask for advice

  12. Activities Family Building Plan discussion guides Family meetings Emotion faces and intensity Worry Box Hula hoops- what we can and can t control Three Views exercise- build understanding of self- worth Letter to future self Get moving

  13. A Awesome- What are some miracles I ve seen? What is something I have learned or unlearned? Concerns- What are my fears? What isn t going my way? Thankfulness- What is something I m thankful for? Service- What are some things I am going to try to change? ACTS C T S

  14. Being Before Doing

  15. Launching

  16. It may feel like they look like this

  17. Growing up is Hard to Do Mentorship- sounding board outside the home Be aware of limitations on the field that their peers aren t experiencing Recognize differences in personality between yourself and your teen I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14

  18. Growing up is Hard to Do Recognize that your child s mission may not be the same as yours Learn what healthy differentiation is and allow them to differentiate from the family Recognize that challenges your child may be going through will and SHOULD impact your service on the field Stay connected to the States so they have a sense of home

  19. Long Term Impacts

  20. Long Term Impacts Sense of Identity Feelings of not belonging anywhere Trust levels in relationships What would be other potential impacts?

  21. Chasing Sea Monsters During the fifteen century, Portuguese explorers slowly made their way around Africa to India. Their early maps accurately showed the contours of the West African coast. Beyond that, the maps went sketchy or blank and sometimes filled the unknown with sea monsters. If we are not sure of what is out there, we tend to ignore it or to avoid it. As the maps were extended and filled in, the sea monsters faded away, and others traveled with more boldness and confidence. Adapted from The Family in Mission, p. 32.

  22. Resources missionarycare.org, Ron and Bonnie Koteskey Third Culture Kids, by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken www.accounseling.org, ACCFS For your kids: A Kids Guide to Living Abroad, by Martine Zoer Search for Significance, by Robert McGee

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