Raising MKs - Apostolic Counseling for Families
Challenges faced by missionary kids (MKs) and their families, promote communication, and strengthen unity. Understand expectations, recognize challenges, & consider family roles."
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Presentation Transcript
Raising MKs APOSTOLIC CHRISTIAN COUNSELING AND FAMILY SERVICES 877-370-9988 WWW.ACCOUNSELING.ORG
Biblical Theme And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. -Ephesians 6:4
Seminar Purpose To raise awareness of common challenges and opportunities for parents raising third-culture kids To promote communication within the family throughout the transition experience To strengthen family unity and call to service
Content Sections Understanding Expectations 1 2 Communication 3 Launching 4 Long Term Impacts
Understanding Expectations
Expectations from Others Common pressures felt by MKs 1. Be perfect or else you are interfering with your parents work 2. When you get close to someone, they leave 3. No grace for your actions 4. Can t show weakness or unhappiness 5. Fear of judgment 6. Can t have nice things
Recognize Challenges Child s experiences are not going to be the same as yours growing up in the States Be a Learner! Recognize that your child may experience developmental lags or growth spurts Example: Teen may appear very spiritually mature but not understand how to interact with a boy her age
Expectations from Parents Self-Sufficiency Children can t raise themselves on the mission field Prioritize time together Family Roles Examples: Hero, Scapegoat, Mascot, Lost Child Discipline Techniques Take cultural differences into consideration
To Think About Are there any unfair expectations that you place on your children? Do you observe any roles that have emerged within your family? 1. 2. How will your expectations shift as you move to the mission field?
Communicate and Learn Build understanding of what is normal and how each family member reacts Practice openness Acknowledge feelings but don t let them dictate Address needs to feel valued, special, protected, comforted Balance of instruction, correction and information time Don t be afraid to ask for advice
Activities Family Building Plan discussion guides Family meetings Emotion faces and intensity Worry Box Hula hoops- what we can and can t control Three Views exercise- build understanding of self- worth Letter to future self Get moving
A Awesome- What are some miracles I ve seen? What is something I have learned or unlearned? Concerns- What are my fears? What isn t going my way? Thankfulness- What is something I m thankful for? Service- What are some things I am going to try to change? ACTS C T S
Being Before Doing
It may feel like they look like this
Growing up is Hard to Do Mentorship- sounding board outside the home Be aware of limitations on the field that their peers aren t experiencing Recognize differences in personality between yourself and your teen I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14
Growing up is Hard to Do Recognize that your child s mission may not be the same as yours Learn what healthy differentiation is and allow them to differentiate from the family Recognize that challenges your child may be going through will and SHOULD impact your service on the field Stay connected to the States so they have a sense of home
Long Term Impacts Sense of Identity Feelings of not belonging anywhere Trust levels in relationships What would be other potential impacts?
Chasing Sea Monsters During the fifteen century, Portuguese explorers slowly made their way around Africa to India. Their early maps accurately showed the contours of the West African coast. Beyond that, the maps went sketchy or blank and sometimes filled the unknown with sea monsters. If we are not sure of what is out there, we tend to ignore it or to avoid it. As the maps were extended and filled in, the sea monsters faded away, and others traveled with more boldness and confidence. Adapted from The Family in Mission, p. 32.
Resources missionarycare.org, Ron and Bonnie Koteskey Third Culture Kids, by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken www.accounseling.org, ACCFS For your kids: A Kids Guide to Living Abroad, by Martine Zoer Search for Significance, by Robert McGee