Marriage Dynamics and Domestic Violence Statistics

 
Unit 5
 
Marriage, Communication, Lying &
Cheating
 
5 Types of Marriages
 
Total:  10 years or more
-Both partners have high self-esteem and
contribute equally to the relationship
Vital:  Less than 10 years
Conflict Habituated:  A relationship characterized
by fighting
Passive Congenial:  A relationship in which the 2
people stay together for convenience
Devitalized:  Was once strong but is no longer so
 
Marriage Statistics
 
50% of all marriages stay together and 50% do
not
 
The order of marriage success is 1,3,2
 
The three most common reasons for divorce
are: children, sexual issues (affairs), money
 
Domestic Violence
 
60% of all couples experience some form of
domestic abuse.  DV is 50% female to male
and 50% male to female
95% of DV serious damage is male to female
Woman are more likely to be injured or killed
by a boyfriend, husband or ex than anyone
else in life.
Cycle of Violence: Honeymoon, Tension,
Abuse, Regret
 
Cycle of Violence
 
Honeymoon:  Everything is pleasant
 
Tension: The anxiety and anger builds
 
Abuse: One strikes the other
 
Regret/Sorrow:  The apologies & promises
occur
 
 
Intimate Partner Violence
 
Experiencing rape, physical violence, and/or
stalking by an intimate partner in their
lifetime.
 
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have
experienced IPV in their lifetime.
 
Ages of IPV
 
70% of females and 55% of males who are
victims of IPV experience it before age 25.
 
22% of females and 15% of males experience
IPV for the first time between ages 11 & 17.
 
47% of females and 39% of males were
between 18 & 24 when first experiencing IPV.
 
Racial Statistics of IPV
 
40% Black women; 38% Black men
35% White women; 28% White men
37% Hispanic women; 26% Hispanic men
20% Asian women; Unreported Asian men
 
IPV Sexual Orientation
 
44% lesbian women
61% bisexual women
35% heterosexual women
26% gay men
37% bisexual men
29% heterosexual men
 
Sexual Orientation Cont’d
 
LGBTQ people are almost twice as likely to
experience IPV as non-LGBTQ
Bisexual people are nearly twice as likely to
experience IPV as gay or lesbian individuals
Transgender people are at much higher risk
for IPV and sexual violence than non-
transgender people.
Also more likely to face threats, intimidation,
harassment, and police violence.
 
Gaslighting
 
A technique in which a person, in order to gain
more power, makes a victim question their
reality.  There are 11 techniques which are
used.
 
Telling Blatant Lies
 
You know it's an outright lie. Yet they are
telling you this lie with a straight face. Why
are they so blatant? Because they're setting
up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie,
you're not sure if anything they say is true.
Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the
goal.
 
Denying Something was Said
 
You know they said they would do something;
you know you heard it. But they out and out
deny it. It makes you start questioning your
reality—maybe they never said that thing.
And the more they do this, the more you
question your reality and start accepting
theirs.
 
Using What is Near as Ammunition
 
They know how important your kids are to
you, and they know how important
your identity is to you. So those may be one of
the first things they attack. If you have kids,
they tell you that you should not have
had those children. They will tell you'd be a
worthy person if only you didn't have a long
list of negative traits. They attack the
foundation of your being.
 
Wear Down Over Time
 
This is one of the insidious things about
gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A
lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so
often...and then it starts ramping up. Even the
brightest, most self-aware people can be
sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective. It's
the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat
is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes
what's happening to it.
 
Actions Don’t Match Words
 
When dealing with a person or entity that
gaslights, look at what they are doing rather
than what they are saying
What they are
saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they
are doing is the issue.
 
Use of Occasional PR
 
This person or entity that is cutting you down,
telling you that you don't have value, is now
praising you for something you did. This adds
an additional sense of uneasiness. You think,
"Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they
are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you
off-kilter—and again, to question your reality.
Also look at what you were praised for; it is
probably something that served the
gaslighter.
 
Using Confusion to Weaken People
 
Gaslighters know that people like having a
sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to
uproot this and make you constantly question
everything. And humans' natural tendency is
to look to the person or entity that will help
you feel more stable—and that happens to be
the gaslighter.
 
Projection
 
They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are
constantly accusing you of that. This is done
so often that you start trying to defend
yourself, and are distracted from the
gaslighter's own behavior.
 
Aligning Others Against Victim
 
Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the
people they know will stand by them no matter what—
and they use these people against you. They will make
comments such as, "This person knows that you're not
right," or "This person knows you're useless too." Keep
in mind it does not mean that these people actually
said these things. A gaslighter is a constant 
liar
. When
the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you
don't know who to trust or turn to—and that leads you
right back to the gaslighter. And that's exactly what
they want: Isolation gives them more control.
 
Tell Victim or Others - Crazy
 
This is one of the most effective tools of the
gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The
gaslighter knows if they question your
sanity, people will not believe you when you
tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-
control. It's a master technique.
 
Tell Victim Everyone Else is a Liar
 
By telling you that everyone else (your family, the
media) is a liar, it again makes you question your
reality. You've never known someone with the
audacity to do this, so they must be telling the
truth, right? No. It's a manipulation technique. It
makes people turn to the gaslighter for the
"correct" information—which isn't correct
information at all.
The more you are aware of these techniques, the
quicker you can identify them and avoid
falling into the gaslighter's trap.
 
Leaving
 
Leaving an abusive partner may be the most
dangerous time in a relationship
Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in
the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than
any other time in the relationship.
It takes a victim an average of 7 times to leave an
abusive relationship before the separation is final.
Prior non-fatal strangulation is associated with
7.5 times of becoming a completed homicide.
 
Negative Communication Styles
 
Placator:  Makes the person feel better at all
costs, even above their own self-worth
Blamer: Puts responsibility on other person
Distractor: Cannot stay focused on conversation
at hand
Moralizer:  Brings religion into every conversation
Sarcasm: Puts others down by ridiculing
Know-it-All: Shows off knowledge to make others
feel inferior
 
Healthy Communication
 
Leveler:  Open, honest communication sharing
real feelings and not hiding from partner
 
Healthy communication is the #1 factor in
keeping relationships strong and people
staying together.
 
3 Stages of Morality
 
Preconventional (5-10): Avoidance of
consequence and gaining of rewards
 
Conventional (11-15): Follows the law and
peers
 
Postconventional (16 - ): Follows one’s own
morals and benefits society
 
Lying & Cheating
 
Children first learn to lie at age 2 – 3.  70% of these
children lie well, but can’t hide emotion
By age 5, 95% of children lie well but still can’t hide
emotion
By age 8, 99% of children lie well and can hide emotion
100% of children who cheated on a test, lied about it
40% of young adults lied on a resume to get a job
40% of students cheat on a regular basis
60% of students cheat when a prize is offered
Men lie for personal gain whereas woman lie to help
people feel better.
 
Why Students Cheat
 
Pressure to succeed
Fear of failure
Lack of morality
Lack of thought of consequence
Desire for immediate gratification
 
Compulsive Lying
 
Compulsive Liar:  Lies and knows they are
lying.
 
Pathological Liar:  Lies and believes their own
lies.
 
Parenting Styles
 
Authoritarian (Autocratic):  Dictator, Do as I
say, Inflexible;  Likely to raise angrier,
rebellious, or overcontrolled children
Permissive (Laissez Faire):  Allows kids to get
away with everything; Allows kids to walk all
over them.  Kids are more often out of control
Authoritative (Democratic):  Best of parenting
styles.  Has firm but fair ways about them.
 
DV Essay
 
Discuss the importance of healthy
relationships and the dangers of domestic
violence.  Explain the clues of a DV
relationship and the clues of an individual who
is dangerous.  Finally, explain the best ways to
avoid a DV relationship or how to get out of
one if in one.
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Explore the various types of marriages, marriage statistics, and insights into domestic violence, including the cycle of violence, intimate partner violence rates, and racial statistics. Gain awareness of the different patterns within marriages and the significant impact of domestic abuse on individuals and relationships.

  • Marriage dynamics
  • Domestic violence
  • Relationships
  • Intimate partner violence
  • Marriage statistics

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  1. Unit 5 Marriage, Communication, Lying & Cheating

  2. 5 Types of Marriages Total: 10 years or more -Both partners have high self-esteem and contribute equally to the relationship Vital: Less than 10 years Conflict Habituated: A relationship characterized by fighting Passive Congenial: A relationship in which the 2 people stay together for convenience Devitalized: Was once strong but is no longer so

  3. Marriage Statistics 50% of all marriages stay together and 50% do not The order of marriage success is 1,3,2 The three most common reasons for divorce are: children, sexual issues (affairs), money

  4. Domestic Violence 60% of all couples experience some form of domestic abuse. DV is 50% female to male and 50% male to female 95% of DV serious damage is male to female Woman are more likely to be injured or killed by a boyfriend, husband or ex than anyone else in life. Cycle of Violence: Honeymoon, Tension, Abuse, Regret

  5. Cycle of Violence Honeymoon: Everything is pleasant Tension: The anxiety and anger builds Abuse: One strikes the other Regret/Sorrow: The apologies & promises occur

  6. Intimate Partner Violence Experiencing rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced IPV in their lifetime.

  7. Ages of IPV 70% of females and 55% of males who are victims of IPV experience it before age 25. 22% of females and 15% of males experience IPV for the first time between ages 11 & 17. 47% of females and 39% of males were between 18 & 24 when first experiencing IPV.

  8. Racial Statistics of IPV 40% Black women; 38% Black men 35% White women; 28% White men 37% Hispanic women; 26% Hispanic men 20% Asian women; Unreported Asian men

  9. IPV Sexual Orientation 44% lesbian women 61% bisexual women 35% heterosexual women 26% gay men 37% bisexual men 29% heterosexual men

  10. Sexual Orientation Contd LGBTQ people are almost twice as likely to experience IPV as non-LGBTQ Bisexual people are nearly twice as likely to experience IPV as gay or lesbian individuals Transgender people are at much higher risk for IPV and sexual violence than non- transgender people. Also more likely to face threats, intimidation, harassment, and police violence.

  11. Gaslighting A technique in which a person, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. There are 11 techniques which are used.

  12. Telling Blatant Lies You know it's an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they're setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you're not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.

  13. Denying Something was Said You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.

  14. Using What is Near as Ammunition They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your identity is to you. So those may be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had those children. They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being.

  15. Wear Down Over Time This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often...and then it starts ramping up. Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting it is that effective. It's the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what's happening to it.

  16. Actions Dont Match Words When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.

  17. Use of Occasional PR This person or entity that is cutting you down, telling you that you don't have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, "Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it is probably something that served the gaslighter.

  18. Using Confusion to Weaken People Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly question everything. And humans' natural tendency is to look to the person or entity that will help you feel more stable and that happens to be the gaslighter.

  19. Projection They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter's own behavior.

  20. Aligning Others Against Victim Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the people they know will stand by them no matter what and they use these people against you. They will make comments such as, "This person knows that you're not right," or "This person knows you're useless too." Keep in mind it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A gaslighter is a constant liar. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don't know who to trust or turn to and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that's exactly what they want: Isolation gives them more control.

  21. Tell Victim or Others - Crazy This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of- control. It's a master technique.

  22. Tell Victim Everyone Else is a Liar By telling you that everyone else (your family, the media) is a liar, it again makes you question your reality. You've never known someone with the audacity to do this, so they must be telling the truth, right? No. It's a manipulation technique. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the "correct" information which isn't correct information at all. The more you are aware of these techniques, the quicker you can identify them and avoid falling into the gaslighter's trap.

  23. Leaving Leaving an abusive partner may be the most dangerous time in a relationship Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than any other time in the relationship. It takes a victim an average of 7 times to leave an abusive relationship before the separation is final. Prior non-fatal strangulation is associated with 7.5 times of becoming a completed homicide.

  24. Negative Communication Styles Placator: Makes the person feel better at all costs, even above their own self-worth Blamer: Puts responsibility on other person Distractor: Cannot stay focused on conversation at hand Moralizer: Brings religion into every conversation Sarcasm: Puts others down by ridiculing Know-it-All: Shows off knowledge to make others feel inferior

  25. Healthy Communication Leveler: Open, honest communication sharing real feelings and not hiding from partner Healthy communication is the #1 factor in keeping relationships strong and people staying together.

  26. 3 Stages of Morality Preconventional (5-10): Avoidance of consequence and gaining of rewards Conventional (11-15): Follows the law and peers Postconventional (16 - ): Follows one s own morals and benefits society

  27. Lying & Cheating Children first learn to lie at age 2 3. 70% of these children lie well, but can t hide emotion By age 5, 95% of children lie well but still can t hide emotion By age 8, 99% of children lie well and can hide emotion 100% of children who cheated on a test, lied about it 40% of young adults lied on a resume to get a job 40% of students cheat on a regular basis 60% of students cheat when a prize is offered Men lie for personal gain whereas woman lie to help people feel better.

  28. Why Students Cheat Pressure to succeed Fear of failure Lack of morality Lack of thought of consequence Desire for immediate gratification

  29. Compulsive Lying Compulsive Liar: Lies and knows they are lying. Pathological Liar: Lies and believes their own lies.

  30. Parenting Styles Authoritarian (Autocratic): Dictator, Do as I say, Inflexible; Likely to raise angrier, rebellious, or overcontrolled children Permissive (Laissez Faire): Allows kids to get away with everything; Allows kids to walk all over them. Kids are more often out of control Authoritative (Democratic): Best of parenting styles. Has firm but fair ways about them.

  31. DV Essay Discuss the importance of healthy relationships and the dangers of domestic violence. Explain the clues of a DV relationship and the clues of an individual who is dangerous. Finally, explain the best ways to avoid a DV relationship or how to get out of one if in one.

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