Effective Strategies for Dealing with Bullying by Bob Baynham, Educational Psychologist
Explore various options for handling bullying situations, including techniques like group work and discussion, standing up to bullies, making a complaint, and taking personal responsibility. Understand the effects of different approaches and learn how to address bullying effectively. Video examples and tips on communication cues are also provided.
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Presentation Transcript
Things you can do Bob Baynham Educational Psychologist 1
Recap on bullying What are your options? The middle way Principles Techniques Group work / discussion 2
Just take it and do nothing It will happen again What is the effect on you? May be justifiable as a positive stance of faith, but... For conscience toward God, endure grief, suffering wrongfully 1 Peter 2/17 turn the other cheek Matthew 5/39 Love your enemies Matthew 5/44-46 3
Give as good as you get Standing up to the bully? What is the effect on you? May be justifiable as a positive stance of faith God gets angry why can t we? Be angry and do not sin Ephesians 4/26-27 Be not quick ... to become angry Ecclesiastes 7/7-9 Leads to bad feeling and perhaps worse 4
Make a complaint A last resort Acts 6/1 What is the effect on you? Follow the scriptural pattern Matthew 18/15-17 Take personal responsibility Find allies Take it to your manager or HR Make sure it s about problem-solving not retribution 5
Taking personal responsibility Resolution not retribution Assertiveness the Goldilocks option Not passive Not aggressive 6
What did you hear? Tone of voice Coherence Lack of confidence What did you see? Body language Eyes Body Position 8
Reluctant to express own opinions, and feelings Passive Often feels used by others Refrains from complaining Finds it difficult to refuse the requests of others Acquiesces in the views and desires of the majority Is submissive in the presence of aggressive behavior Frequently makes compromises for harmony 9
Fear of rejection Fear of upsetting others Passive Reasons Feeling responsible Inappropriate inner voices 10
Frequently argues with others Aggressive Frequently gets angry Easily and frequently finds fault with others No difficulty in complaining when receiving poor quality Expects others to accommodate own schedules Continually works to personal agendas at others expense Rarely feels aware of the needs or feelings of others 11
Satisfying their own needs Disregard the needs of others Think as superior beings Reasons Aggressive Childhood emotional trauma Over-correction of being too passive Inappropriate dealing with anger 12
Work with the people next to you (twos and threes). What are the characteristics of assertiveness? Flipchart feedback 13
A guaranteed Way to get what you want A guaranteed way to win every argument A way to get others to feel like you feel or think like you think Telling everyone everything all the time 14
Lack of assertiveness leads to Depression: feeling helpless with no control over your life Resentment: anger at others for taking advantage of you Frustration: why did I let that happen Temper: if you can't express anger appropriately it can build up to temper outbursts Relationships: when individuals can't tell each other what they want Anxiety: you may avoid certain situations which make you feel uncomfortable Stress: stress can have a negative impact on the body 15
Makes you feel better about yourself People understand you better Assertiveness is a valuable skill in career progression Minimizes any unpleasantness Able to adapt to changing social and professional environments - transferrable Helps have better Relationships with others Doesn t leave you with bad feelings Reduces stress 16
Respect yourself Confront the situation don t ignore it Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions Choice not reaction Clear, honest communication Equality of respect / rights Understand the other person s needs Problem solving / negotiation Use it appropriately 17
Passive Assertive Aggressive Not expressing needs Self-devaluing Waiting to be led Honest, open, direct Recognises own rights Listens to others needs Upright, balanced pose Firm, clear voice Steady eye contact Domineering, insisting Win / lose Not listening Style Small posture Quiet, hesitant voice Little eye contact Interrupting Loud Staring, pointing Non-verbal behaviour Sorry to bother you I can t seem to It s only my opinion Language I believe/need/I d like No (when appropriate) Open questions That won t work You can t be serious Your problem / fault 18
Respect yourself Confront the situation don t ignore it Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions Choice not reaction Clear, honest communication Equality of respect / rights Understand the other person s needs Problem solving / negotiation Use it appropriately 19
You shall love your neighbour as yourself Matthew 19/19 20
To Assert And responsibilities 21
Respect yourself Confront the situation don t ignore it Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions Choice not reaction Clear, honest communication Equality of respect / rights Understand the other person s needs Problem solving / negotiation Use it appropriately 22
Respect yourself Confront the situation don t ignore it Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions Choice not reaction Clear, honest communication Equality of respect / rights Understand the other person s needs Problem solving / negotiation Use it appropriately 24
Ecclesiastes 3 1. For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 7. a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 25
Positive self-affirmation Rehearse Speak to the bully Use I statements Body language Don t get side-tracked Negative enquiry Negative assertion Fogging Broken record 26
I am a competent and confident person I have skills and experience People listen to what I have to say At meetings I make a significant contribution Some of these affirmations may appeal, others may not. I am independent of the approval of others I can always find opportunities in situations of change Develop a set for yourself I am creating my desired future 27
I am what I am I am loved by God and his son, the Lord Jesus Christ I am a sweet savour of Christ to all I meet In loving myself I love others Some of these affirmations may appeal, others may not. I am continually developing to be more like Jesus In giving I achieve more Develop a set for yourself I am open to the opportunities this day brings 28
Positive self-affirmation Rehearse Speak to the bully Use I statements Body language Don t get side-tracked Negative enquiry Negative assertion Fogging Broken record 29
If your brother sins against you,go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you havegained your brother.But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be establishedby the evidence of two or three witnesses.If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. Matthew 18/15-17 30
1. I statements are among the most powerful you can make, both for yourself and others 2. In I statements you are affirming who you are and what you want. I statements can be used in a variety of ways: Situation Interpretation and understanding Feelings and emotions Wants and needs Future actions I Statements Using them is the hallmark of assertiveness 31
Eye Contact Posture Position and Space Voice Tone Facial Expression -Passive: Fold in themselves and make small fidgets. -Aggressive: Confront and stand up. Assertive: Stand up tall straight. -Face should reflect the emotion being expressed. - I am Angry needs serious expression. Delighted needs a happy expression -Passive uses very little -Aggressive never drops eye contact -Assertive person uses about 50 % of the time -Non Assertive : Too Soft, Hard to hear -Aggressive: Too Loud -Assertive: effective tone modulation -Respect keeping on the same level. -Sit down if the other is. -Stand up when the other is. -keep arms distance 32
Enquiry is real fun. You invite extra criticism and/or examples so that you have the benefit of additional feedback. Negative Enquiry ACCUSATION You re lazy You re always late REPLY Oh really, in what way? Always? How do you know that for a fact? My understanding may be different from yours, what exactly do you mean by that? Can you explain why this particular instance has caused you to brand me with such a label? You re stupid You re selfish 33
1. When people call us names, or give us negative labels, we usually wish to defend ourselves 2. Aggressive or manipulative people who do this to us soon find our weak spots. 3. Negative assertion is like jujitsu where you use the power of your protagonist to turn the situation to your advantage 4. No one is perfect, so in negative assertion All you do is accept the part of the that is true, in a matter of fact way Look at the examples: If you think that, you must be stupid You: I admit I m not the brightest person around And you are always making mistakes You: Yes, I do make mistakes occasionally Negative Assertion 34
Fogging involves using words that acknowledge the other person's point of view, and accepting that it might be true under some circumstances, but without necessarily accepting it is true of you. Fogging is particularly powerful if you are able to restate the other person's opinion in a way that could be true of anyone or everyone, e.g. Fogging "You're always making mistakes" We all make mistakes." 35
1. Repeat yourself again and again and again, until the person gives in or concedes to your demands. Broken Record 2. Most people capitulate after you repeat yourself three times. Broken record is particularly useful when: Dealing with those in authority You are not getting what you are entitled to Dealing with people brighter or more fluent than you The other person is likely to use put-downs Because you just have to repeat yourself, broken record is really easy to use. 36
EXAMPLE You: The program was not up to standard, and we did not cover all the elements said in the brochure so I want a refund. Reply: Other people have not complained, in fact some of the evaluations are excellent. Broken Record You: They might be, but I want a refund because the work was not up to standard. Reply: In my opinion as a course tutor the course was up to standard. You: I can appreciate that is your opinion but I want a refund. Reply: It is not our policy to give refunds. You: That may be your policy but I want a refund. 37
John 9 I went and washed and received my sight (v11) I washed, and I see (v15) I was blind, now I see (v25) I have told you already (v27) And yet he opened my eyes (v30) Never..has it been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a man born blind (v32) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 38
Work with the people next to you (twos and threes). Watch the scenario 39
Revisit our earlier flipchart What would we add or take away? 40
Assertiveness is the ability to communicate your needs, feelings, opinions, and beliefs in an open and honest manner without violating the rights of others An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and beliefs 41
